A conversation without a mask...

 With some people, I sometimes have a conversation without wearing a mask. Most of the time, I don't say the raw truth. The raw truth hurts and is tough to understand.

My mom was curious about my neighbour behaving differently and asked me, do you know the reason why they are acting differently? Are they preparing for 2nd marriage? Maybe they have finalized the alliance?! 

I told her it is not that easy. Since her curiosity was increasing, I decided to tell her the truth. I listed the facts. I said the parents and the daughter are having toxic codependency. Parents need her as the daughter can help them go out, driving the car. They don't have to pay her the salary of a driver. The daughter needs her parents, as she uses their money to show off. Both of them can not survive without each other. And they won't allow anybody else in between them. If the daughter gets any alliance mother narcissist will spoil it. Mother narcissist will say the alliance is bad and the world is cruel.

My mom was not convinced. She said a mother won't behave like that.

And I explained that a narcissistic parent will treat their kid differently. When the kid is young, they treat the kid like an adult. When the kid grows up, they treat them like a kid. Now the mother is treating her daughter as a kid. She is encouraging the activities of a kid. That is why she allowed and encouraged her daughter to study at this age.

So there is no chance of her daughter getting married. But when a person learns a life lesson, the Universe grant people a miracle. If the daughter understands her mother's behaviour, then if a miracle happens, it is possible.

They behave as if they are rich, but they are not. When they look for an alliance, they expect that person to be a slave to them. They try to mould that person. In 20s and 30s, a male will have a few life experiences and chances are there to get attracted towards a narcissistic person. But at the mid age, a male will be having a lot of experiences and won't be ready to be a slave.

After my explanation, I thought this conversation was a raw truth, and my mom would be uncomfortable. And I said the disclaimer: all of these are applicable to a narcissistic mother only.

But still, I prefer to say that. lol

I got the courage to be disliked. 

In our culture, parents are supposed to do good for their sons and daughters. In reality, it is not. And nobody dares to talk about it.

And I don't need to say anything to a narcissistic mother. My eyes can say everything in few seconds if they dare to see it. lol

Donation...

 A few days ago, I found some money when I went out to put Rangoli.  I hesitated to take it. Then took it as if it were covered with sand; nobody could find it, and it would be wasted. The person who lost or dropped when going to the shop won't know where they lost it.

Task assigned - I got a task

I have to decide what to do with the money. I checked the currency and made sure it was good currency. I put it in my purse and took it with me when I went out

Heart knows 

If I see anybody who is in need of money and if my heart says to give it to them, I will give it to them. I decided that and I did not found anybody.

Wait for the instructions

Sometimes life gives surprising tasks. There will be a lesson with it. I need to wait patiently, and I waited.

At that time I know, it is tough to find a right person to give the money.

Kumbabishekam (also known as Samprokshanam) 

And I saw the information about Kumbabishekam in the temple that I go to daily on my morning walk. Most of the donations will be given on Kumbabishekam day. And I donated the money I found that day to the temple.

A messenger

I am just a messenger in this donation. When donating, I need to give some information about myself. And the person who was collecting donation asked me, when will I come to collect the prasadham. And he noted the time. He also said the female monk in the temple will keep it separately and she will give it to me. Most people should have collected theirs in the afternoon itself.

I went in the evening. My prashadam was packed. And the monk was waiting for me. She gave me a warm welcome and gave the Prasadham.

Task completed

I said to Lord Muruga, you should have come in my dream and asked for donation; I would have given you. Why this much drama? Then I understood; it is to make me to donate with the mindset of a messenger.

You are my fan

As I am not ready to become a devotee of any God, after seeing a few sincere efforts by Lord Muruga, I accepted him as my fan. lol. And I respect my fans. Devotees expect something from God, and I like smiling at him. Expectations will take away the smile.

Lesson

It takes effort to earn money, but it takes too much effort to find the right person or cause to donate it. And I thought it is better to start giving donations as a habit now itself. One can not do it when they die if it is not a habit.

A habit

This month I donated to the temple with the mindset of a messenger, not as a person who earned that money. I am going to make it a habit.

A small incident can change life, and I started a new habit from that task.

Difference

Before midlife, when I help or donated, I thought I was helping. Now I think I am finding the right cause to donate to or help, and it is helping me. I am doing it for myself.

Fish

 I like eating fish nowadays because it has many nutritional benefits. I recently started buying it myself.  I ordered for 500 gms fish, and when they weigh it showed 400 gms and they packed it. Since I was new, I asked them,  I ordered 500 gms, and you are giving me 400 gms, why? The shopkeeper explained that they had already cleaned the fish, removed its head and tail, that is why I am giving 400 gms. I understood the logic and said okay.

Next time I visited fish shop and they gave me cleaned fish 500 gms, did not reduce 100 gms for wastage. Maybe they wanted a regular customer. Moreover, they have to sell the fish when it is fresh.

Today I bought fish for my cat too.

I said to my cat, I hunted fish for you today when I gave it to the cat. lol. My cat enjoyed the fish and went to sleep after eating.

Now my cat will think I am a hunter. 😊

Follow up...

When I found the temple on my morning walk, to create a routine, I decided to visit it for one and a half months. I have completed it and was thinking about whether to visit the temple. Only then did I start to have different experiences. I can not write it like a ghost experience. lol.

 Every God has a vehicle(!) Lord Muruga has a peacock as his vehicle. I have never seen a peacock in my house. And that day, I saw a female peacock with its 2 peachicks. I was surprised. It was walking and was there for nearly one hour. I decided to go to temple that day.

The next day, I woke up to the Peacocok's sound. Daily, I started to see it in my house. Then I decided I would visit the temple till I decide whether to visit daily or not. lol. I was unable to list pros and cons for visiting the temple, as I don't have any expectations towards it. The solution is deciding to visit till I decide. lol.

Peacock's follow-up with me is very sincere. A very strict follow-up, which I have seen for the first time in my life. That week when I visited that temple, a kid who may be 5 or 6 welcomed me. When I entered the temple, he welcomed me, saying hi and hello with a smile. Everybody was surprised, even his family members. He talked to me as if he knew me. Some kids are like that, very friendly with strangers.

I think God in that temple has become my fan, as I smile at him daily. Imagine God's life. Daily devotees will come and ask something from God. I wont ask anything and just smile. So he is doing strict follow up with me. lol. 

Today I saw the married lady in the temple. We talked for a few minutes and showed me a  Shami tree. She said if we pray to it, our wishes will be granted to us.

Oh my God, I don;t have anything to ask. Another question which I don't have answer.

May be I can pray like, I will tell you when I know what to ask. lol.

Prayers will be fulfilled for ordinary people. Unicorns have a different family structure, and what works for ordinary people won't work for them.

Part 2 of funny...

 My neighbour is very particular about not taking leave. At year-end, she takes leave for a few days. This whole week, she was at home. I was surprised, but I didn't want to know the reason. I don't like to initiate any communication.

Her mother talked to me this morning. Explained they are at home because they got a one-day holiday! Who will take a whole week's leave when they get a one-day holiday in between?! What a logical explanation? She should have kept this logical reason to herself. lol

I am having a doubt that she is on leave for a few months. She is avoiding the training she has had to take for many years and is stuck in the same designation. This can not be postponed forever. A time will come when she will take leave, which will be followed by voluntary retirement. Being a female, she can postpone the voluntary retirement.

Anyhow, I would like her to continue working, as she won't have time to concentrate on people like me. lol. So, with all my heart, I wish her luck. After all, she needs it.

Funny...

 I did not think much about my neighbour. She came to her home today. I followed my routine as if I didn't care. And I did not expect her to contact me.

So I was surprised when I saw her message. She was asking whether we go for night show at the cinema. I don't go to night shows. I love my beauty sleep. And if I plan to watch a movie at night, it will be an adventure.

I like adventure. I like to watch ghost movies, as it will give a thrilling emotion with an increase in cortisol.

But I am not ready to watch a movie along with a ghost(I mean my neighbour) lol

Liking a ghost movie is different from watching a movie with a person whom I don't like.

The black puppy...

 I was walking in the morning that day. The street was a long one. I was walking from one end to the other. And I saw 2 males were walking from the other end towards me. With them was a small puppy. It was following them and when they chased it, it did not budge.

When I was nearing them, the puppy saw me and changed direction. It started to follow me. Talked to me in its language.(Most probably, it should have said it was willing to adopt me) It got happy and looked thrilled. It run before me and waiting for me, did a dance. lol 

I was nearing that other end of the street and I have to turn to the left. There I saw that puppy's father. Small puppy ignored it and tried to follow me. That black dog did not allow it.

I continued my walk went to the temple and returned on the same path. I saw the puppy running after a bike with another big dog. lol

After that day, I did not see that puppy. It has found a home for itself I guess.