Part 2 - Crazy things we do in our midlife...

 For some people, everything happens at the right age, at the right time. They get a job at the right age, get married at the right age, buy a house, and have a very comfortable life.  They work towards it from their school days. And how do they feel in their midlife?

One of my cousins moved from native to a busy city and have/had a successful life. But when he visited native, I noticed a few things. He also feels that he is a failure. lol. midlife change(crisis).  And he hates city life. I think people relate their tough period in life to the city they live in and start to like/hate it.

In teen age and in his 20s, when he discusses any business plan, he will be more eager and energetic. Now those things are missing. I started to doubt whether he has a job or not. But I can not ask.

Our belief system changes during midlife. And our life experience teaches us new perspective. It does not mean the past is wrong. Without crossing that, pne can not reach mid life.

It is like attending school to prepare a person to go to higher studies.

When studying master's degree, one can not think UKG education was wrong. lol. Without that, this stage won't happen.

My new hobby is observing people in their midlife change. Very fascinating.

The song...

 Sometimes I get up early on Sunday mornings. After having tea, I like walking. The climate will be fresh, chill and warm. And the neem tree has started to give a nice aroma from the flowers. Most people will still be sleeping; only the churchgoers will be preparing to take their car out.

Near a turning, I heard a loud male voice. At the same time, I can hear a bike sound. Then I saw a village male in his late 30s, riding an ordinary bike, singing in a romantic voice loudly. It was really funny. People who are sleeping should have woken up hearing his voice.

His voice was not sweet, and he was not singing correctly, but he was happy and positive. That's the vibe I got. At that time, I realized, a person who can be happy with the current situation can only be happy in future. Instead of feeling bad for what we don't have, focusing on what we have makes a person happy.

Ordinary bike, ordinary clothes, but the person was happy.

Will a person who travels in a luxury car have this happiness?

Happiness is a habit. It is a practice.

Crazy things we do in our mid age...

 People call it a midlife crisis. But one can convert it into a midlife change.

Nowadays, I have started to watch how people react during their midlife change.

Everybody tries to visit the things that they liked as a kid or teenager during that time. And almost everybody thinks/feels they have wasted their life... lol. Universal feeling. I have not met a single person who thinks they have lived their life well.

Let us start with me. The crazy thing I did was joining in Peacock University. I was able to focus, enjoy the new learning. I realized my priorities have changed, my energy and time are limited, professors are ordinary human beings. My brain's neural network light up in class and it was good. But, no, my priorities are different. I said no to Peacock University.

The people who don't accept the fact that their priorities have changed continue in Peacock University(Like my neighbour)

My opposite house lady puts music on loudly for 2 hours daily(If you know how they put music in touring talkies era before the movie starts in the theatre). Midlife crisis came along with an ear problem!!! lol

And one of my cousins visited during my work time without pre-planning. Though my parents are impressed with his effort in self-driving for so many hours, I just know it. It's a midlife crisis. And he is revisiting his childhood wish. "The things we did for our family" looks stupid now, he said. lol(To say this, he travelled this much?!)

Everybody feels their life is a lie during their midlife. The real challenge is how you are going to make it right. Without spoiling the life and with a different perception.

I know how to make whatever I did is right in my life. And I am not going to teach it. This can be done by action, by living a full life. Not just by talking.

Stalker...

 My neighbour's narcissistic mom always waits for me to come out of my home in the morning to talk or troll. Nowadays, I troll her. lol. She asked me, " Have you reached your goal? and I asked, which goal(Now she will try to find out all my goals.) She was very eager to know my weight loss goals and I said I could not talk about it.😇

After a few minutes, I went to the market. A person came to me, introduced himself, and talked. Oh my God, one of my online students' father. It was really sweet as the course was for 2 to 3 months only. I have never met my online students in person, but today met a student's father. It was strange and I had never imagined it.

These 2 incidents happened within a few minutes. 1st only tried to troll and the 2nd one showed appreciation and affection.

I did not meet my narcissist neighbour as she will list out her health problems, thinking I am a gynaecologist. Then I have to study the symptoms for 4 to 5 hours on the internet. I didn't have time for that and avoided it.

Cinema, the drama...

 In recent days on social media, one news item is very popular or getting more views. One famous movie actor decided to stop acting and enter politics. At the same time he have to face divorce and the drama by his father.

I always thought previous generation parents have more ego, narcissistic nature in them. They always perceive their sons and daughters as their extended part and need their guidance to survive in this world. You can not escape from them even if you are 50+ lol.

Actor made some career choices, and the whole media started to blame him. And in addition to that his father said to the press people, my son is innocent, he dont know what he is doing. I am talking about this because I care about him(To me this don't look like care. That too when the actor is 50+. He attended a function with an actress, which triggered his father to give this statement) 

This is an example to know that the most cruel things to a person are done by their parents and family, not by the world.

A person has to survive this type of cruel things, balance their mind and if possible, should find happiness.

Sometimes this type of treatment by the parents makes their children become narcissistic like them.

Anyhow, everybody wont have the awareness to understand it. Ignorance is bliss as long as you stay ignorant. lol.

How individuation happens?

 When a person faced traumatic experience or during mid life crisis, when their hormones are unstable. For males, it is gradual, and for females, the process is fast. One can miss many things in their life, but like death, it is a certainty.

Does everybody face the difficulty? This is where your personality type, family situation and work environment play a crucial part.

From my observation, females who are type A personalities(they are more competitive), who have narcissists in their family or who face a tough work environment, face it severely.

Why?

Before midlife when cortisol levels increase, your body can handle it. But during hormone cocktail times, your body becomes weak. And your body produces the same cortisol spikes even when you are calm. And it starts to affect the body parts. The hormone spikes have the ability to make your first language as your second and vice versa. lol. You would have seen the world with one perspective, and now you get the 360-degree view. And it changes you. You won't be the same person again. This is how a people pleaser became a narcissist slayer.

In this duration, if you develop awareness, the integration will be good. Otherwise, you can become a bitter or cunning person. Though Carl Jung said this as integration of the shadow, I call it as integration of feminine and masculine energy. You will be surprised by your new identity. It is similar to marriage. You give equal(!) rights. I gave 100% rights to my masculine power and changed my personality. Once you get used to the new power, start to integrate both. These things will take years.

The women who succeed this duration have created history in their careers and their personal lives.

At the same time, I have seen people destroying their marriage without knowing they are changing. 

Don't destroy anything; understand you are changing.

The world, you can see it now with a new lens, eyes and experience it differently.

The last visit...

The native place is always tied to grandparents. After them, it is uncles and aunts who live near it. When they pass away, the tie with the native too pass.

I visited my uncle's home last week to pay respect to him. My intuition was saying to me this will be my last visit to my native, though logically it is not correct. When I have a conflict like this, I postpone the emotion till it is time to face it and carry on with my work.

It is my duty, no doubt, I have to visit. I started from home with the conflicted emotion. My face was like ginger eaten monkey's face. lol. The joy of being a narcissist slayer is that my face reflects the emotion. I can not hide behind the people pleaser's face.

Usually, when crossing the landmarks one by one near the native, I would feel joy as a kid. This time, I did not feel any emotion. And my mind started to get cleared. My face started to become normal. This is not hurting, even if it will be the last visit to the native, I thought.

Met my cousins after many years, and had a group therapy session. lol

I thought their house would be filled with so many relatives. And was surprised to see no relatives were there. Planned to spend a few minutes if it is crowded, but spent more time as nobody was there.

Times are changing. And we talked at what point a human starts to change. When a loving father starts to hate his own child? We discussed that in the group. Maybe from middle age we discussed, but still can not pinpoint the exact time as the change process happens gradually.

And I said to my cousins, we share the genes, and we are in mid age, we may also change unless we monitor ourselves. If we all change and meet again after few years it like my updated version meeting their updated version. Did I prove that the title is right? Sigh... lol