Marriages and divorces...

 In life, we take many things and relationships for granted. We don't choose parents or family. But we choose our life partners in this generation. Since this change is new, the previous generation doesn't know how to guide their children. In many situations, parents become the reason for the separation between couples.

A few years ago, I was watching an interview on YT by a female doctor. She is cute, and she has her own YT channel. She has a huge fan base because of her way of talking. Clear, bold and very casual. The interviewer was asking about her husband and the Dr was mentioning him very casually without respect. At that time, I thought that marriage wouldn't work.

A few days before, the same Dr, divorced, a little bit depressed, hurt as she did not expect divorce to happen to her. This is what every successful person faces when they experience it. Why me? I am talented!!

She married her school friend, and since they are friends, developed a habit of addressing each other without respect. This type of behaviour should change after marriage. The world will respect a person if the wife shows respect for her husband and vice versa. And when there is no respect, certain people who want to destroy their happiness can use a strategy and move things according to it.

The chemistry that will be in the start of the marriage won't be there after a few years. It should be replaced with "respect" for the marriage to sustain. During midlife, some people will get separated as they will become entirely different people.

Celebrity people who get divorced, most of the time don't get another marriage, another chance, unless they heal from their past relationship. A few years after the divorce, they will act as if they are happy, and then the acting will also be gone.

There is no perfect person. And expecting perfection from the spouse is foolish. As the human life span has increased, if you are okay with being alone, then expect a perfect spouse. Otherwise, be grateful and happy for the entertainment your spouse provides, which includes fights and misunderstandings.

Some grow apart, a few become narcissists, other than that, I think people should take real efforts to sustain what they have.

As time passes, you will change, your spouse will change, and you are dealing with an evolving human which will make life interesting. Nothing will be boring in it.

This is Devilish Angel. Your family counsellor.😇 You can share your problems in comments. lol.

Question became Exclamatory...

 What drives people to be the person they are? And especially a narcissist? Its nearly a year I learned narcissist behaviour. 

Oh boy, that is evolutionary. I became Sherlock Holmes. lol

An empath, a people pleaser, works hard for their family or friends' love. What about a narcissist? And I got a specimen to do the research.  😇 Courtesy: Neighbour

I always get this question when I see her. What is the control her mother has over her? Why she is living with them? What made her to work in the same job without trying to get a promotion?

And the universe was kind enough to give her plenty of opportunities(made me jealous).

These questions made me to collect data to find answers. She joined in the job without completing high school and staying in the same position, rejecting the opportunities to get promotion, has some deep psychological problems.

A narcissist always expects something from others. She is spending more than her income and getting her parents' help financially. Whenever she gets the opportunity to move away from her parents, she rejects it, as she can not survive on her income, as narcissists are grandiose.

And another thing, she can not make real friends. Though she takes a photo with a smiling face with others, nobody is her friend.

And she knows it. 

That is the reason why there is no way to evolve apart from her parents.

It is really funny to hear when she says that she is a social worker. She herself needs rescue. 😊

This knowledge, when used properly, can control a narcissist. That is why I am a narcissist slayer!!!

Part 2 - Crazy things we do in our midlife...

 For some people, everything happens at the right age, at the right time. They get a job at the right age, get married at the right age, buy a house, and have a very comfortable life.  They work towards it from their school days. And how do they feel in their midlife?

One of my cousins moved from native to a busy city and have/had a successful life. But when he visited native, I noticed a few things. He also feels that he is a failure. lol. midlife change(crisis).  And he hates city life. I think people relate their tough period in life to the city they live in and start to like/hate it.

In teen age and in his 20s, when he discusses any business plan, he will be more eager and energetic. Now those things are missing. I started to doubt whether he has a job or not. But I can not ask.

Our belief system changes during midlife. And our life experience teaches us new perspective. It does not mean the past is wrong. Without crossing that, pne can not reach mid life.

It is like attending school to prepare a person to go to higher studies.

When studying master's degree, one can not think UKG education was wrong. lol. Without that, this stage won't happen.

My new hobby is observing people in their midlife change. Very fascinating.

The song...

 Sometimes I get up early on Sunday mornings. After having tea, I like walking. The climate will be fresh, chill and warm. And the neem tree has started to give a nice aroma from the flowers. Most people will still be sleeping; only the churchgoers will be preparing to take their car out.

Near a turning, I heard a loud male voice. At the same time, I can hear a bike sound. Then I saw a village male in his late 30s, riding an ordinary bike, singing in a romantic voice loudly. It was really funny. People who are sleeping should have woken up hearing his voice.

His voice was not sweet, and he was not singing correctly, but he was happy and positive. That's the vibe I got. At that time, I realized, a person who can be happy with the current situation can only be happy in future. Instead of feeling bad for what we don't have, focusing on what we have makes a person happy.

Ordinary bike, ordinary clothes, but the person was happy.

Will a person who travels in a luxury car have this happiness?

Happiness is a habit. It is a practice.

Crazy things we do in our mid age...

 People call it a midlife crisis. But one can convert it into a midlife change.

Nowadays, I have started to watch how people react during their midlife change.

Everybody tries to visit the things that they liked as a kid or teenager during that time. And almost everybody thinks/feels they have wasted their life... lol. Universal feeling. I have not met a single person who thinks they have lived their life well.

Let us start with me. The crazy thing I did was joining in Peacock University. I was able to focus, enjoy the new learning. I realized my priorities have changed, my energy and time are limited, professors are ordinary human beings. My brain's neural network light up in class and it was good. But, no, my priorities are different. I said no to Peacock University.

The people who don't accept the fact that their priorities have changed continue in Peacock University(Like my neighbour)

My opposite house lady puts music on loudly for 2 hours daily(If you know how they put music in touring talkies era before the movie starts in the theatre). Midlife crisis came along with an ear problem!!! lol

And one of my cousins visited during my work time without pre-planning. Though my parents are impressed with his effort in self-driving for so many hours, I just know it. It's a midlife crisis. And he is revisiting his childhood wish. "The things we did for our family" looks stupid now, he said. lol(To say this, he travelled this much?!)

Everybody feels their life is a lie during their midlife. The real challenge is how you are going to make it right. Without spoiling the life and with a different perception.

I know how to make whatever I did is right in my life. And I am not going to teach it. This can be done by action, by living a full life. Not just by talking.

Stalker...

 My neighbour's narcissistic mom always waits for me to come out of my home in the morning to talk or troll. Nowadays, I troll her. lol. She asked me, " Have you reached your goal? and I asked, which goal(Now she will try to find out all my goals.) She was very eager to know my weight loss goals and I said I could not talk about it.😇

After a few minutes, I went to the market. A person came to me, introduced himself, and talked. Oh my God, one of my online students' father. It was really sweet as the course was for 2 to 3 months only. I have never met my online students in person, but today met a student's father. It was strange and I had never imagined it.

These 2 incidents happened within a few minutes. 1st only tried to troll and the 2nd one showed appreciation and affection.

I did not meet my narcissist neighbour as she will list out her health problems, thinking I am a gynaecologist. Then I have to study the symptoms for 4 to 5 hours on the internet. I didn't have time for that and avoided it.

Cinema, the drama...

 In recent days on social media, one news item is very popular or getting more views. One famous movie actor decided to stop acting and enter politics. At the same time he have to face divorce and the drama by his father.

I always thought previous generation parents have more ego, narcissistic nature in them. They always perceive their sons and daughters as their extended part and need their guidance to survive in this world. You can not escape from them even if you are 50+ lol.

Actor made some career choices, and the whole media started to blame him. And in addition to that his father said to the press people, my son is innocent, he dont know what he is doing. I am talking about this because I care about him(To me this don't look like care. That too when the actor is 50+. He attended a function with an actress, which triggered his father to give this statement) 

This is an example to know that the most cruel things to a person are done by their parents and family, not by the world.

A person has to survive this type of cruel things, balance their mind and if possible, should find happiness.

Sometimes this type of treatment by the parents makes their children become narcissistic like them.

Anyhow, everybody wont have the awareness to understand it. Ignorance is bliss as long as you stay ignorant. lol.