Limitations...

 It was one of the fascinating observations I have made about myself. Once we shrink ourselves from certain things, it is not easy to go back to the normal stage.

Once I had fans for my dress and looks. Since I started working from home, my sense of dressing has become zero. And now my brain is stuck at some price level. Above that price level, my brain doesn't allow me to buy it. 

After trying to change my brain for a year, I accepted the fact that I can dress well in low budget. lol.

But the stitching cost went up in one year. Writing about the stitching cost, I understood the limitations of my tailor.

My tailor expects I will become fat and stitches the dress loose. Then I will have to alter it properly.  I have given my new dress for the 3rd time to be altered. It is making me tired. Instead of feeling joy when wearing a new dress, I have to find where to alter. lol. Sad story.

Anyway, I can write a series about my new clothes.

I think the tailor wants to work and stitch the dress loose lol

Opposite house

 Last year, at the same time, I was looking at the opposite house, which was being constructed that time. After construction, I got disappointed as it needed more time to maintain it, and I lost interest. To live in a spacious, good-looking house is on my wish list. 

The people who rented that house were very energetic in the beginning in maintaining the house. And nowadays they understand they are stupid to rent that house. lol

They acted as if they are the only rich people in the whole area at first, and now they feel they are the poor among us. lol.

To feel rich or poor is in the mindset.

The lady in the house doesn't talk to anybody. But watch what kolam I put daily. Every day she comes near the door to watch my dress when I go out for a walk.

Why doesn't she talk to anybody? I have my imagination.

She is the 2nd wife, and it is not her son in the house. It may be the 1st wife's son. That is the reason. lol.

I can not verify my imagination though.

 

The life coach...

 A few days ago, I was watching YT videos. One of the owners of an established bakery was giving an interview. Born in a village but went abroad after marriage and is now running a business successfully with her husband. I was impressed with the interview. I even watched it twice. The topic was general about life, marriage, husband, wife etc.

Since she went abroad and met people from different cultures, her knowledge was good. Her exposure to different people is more extensive, which resulted in a very good interview.

That one interview made her famous. She got another interview soon, and the title said she is a life coach. lol. Seeing the positive response for the 1st interview made her start a new business, "Life Coach".

2nd interview disappointed me. When talking about divorce, she was saying females are acting without maturity; their parents did not advise them properly. All divorce disputes can be solved if husband and wife talk over coffee(!!!!)

Her husband giving her equal or more rights does not mean the whole world is like that. She is talking from her experience, and it won't be suitable for all.

For personal problems, you can not give a common solution. Every individual's environment is different. Their personality is different.

Her intelligence was diminishing in each interview.  Usually, a person's talking style and intelligence won't deviate this much. I don't know why(Unless everything is scripted and written by somebody else to establish her as a life coach).

Life coach--- a disappointment.

A rare real story - Part 3 The true freedom

 I saw the old lady today. I can see the remarkable changes in her. Her face was more relaxed, as if she had got rid of the things that burdened her. Like always we exchanged few words with smile. Usually she would wear a scarf-like cloth to cover her neck.  Today it was not there. Then I understood.

Last time when I saw her, when she told me that she is single and never married, she removed her neck scarf and showed the chain she was wearing. From the chain a female wear, we can understand whether they are married or not. She looked at my face when she said she is single. I dont know what emotion my eyes showed, but I already know she don't have a husband. 

When I saw her today, I understood one thing. To avoid the society's trolling, she has never showed the world she is single. She covers her neck when she comes out. Last time, she saw my reaction, which encouraged her to show the world who she is. 

It is not like I changed her. She wanted to change herself and she has selected me to take the bold step.

I can not imagine how it will be to feel guilty for your existence, to feel guilty for being single, to shrink yourself infront of others.

She will be around 75 to 80, I really appreciate her bold move, to uncover her mask, to show the world who she is. To tell the world she is single and it is not her fault.

At any age a person can take a bold step. At any age a person can get rid of their pain.

First time I was seeing a person separating themselves from the pain they are carrying their full life.

It is good to see that, though it is an emotional thing for me. 

She got the real freedom now.

A rare real life story - Part 2

 You can read part 1 here.

The sacrifice

The promise

Freedom

Unknown sacrifice

A person who is sacrificed in the family won't understand they are the victim. Rather, they think they are helping their family and taking care of the family. But I can see a person in the past, present and future. A human being has the ability to justify what they did. Her family should have created an illusion that she is a dull, mad person and they are doing her favour by keeping her with them. This can result in isolation from the world, reduce confidence, and she should have believed there is something wrong with her. Only God wll know her sacrifice and the world and her family should have treated her bad.

And I thought, if there is a hell, I would get a job to fry these kind of people in oil pot.

The Promise

And she said to me, in a worried tone, you should marry a good guy. I replied, saying, whatever comes, I can face it. "Ego" is what kills love between 2 people. My brother's daughter married her colleague, but got divorced because of ego.  She touched my hand and said, it is very important for you to understand: you should not allow ego to come between you and your husband. The way she said it was like she was very sure of it. I can understand the urgency and seriousness in her voice. And with the same seriousness, I said I won't allow ego between me and my husband.  My voice sounds like a promise. 

Everybody needs a life partner. And life is meaningless without a partner, she said.

This is the strangest experience I've had recently. lol. 

The freedom

All her life she is living with her brother and her brother's wife is very rude it seems.  Whenever there is a fight old lady will think about going to an old-age home. Though I wanted to move out badly, it still remains as a dream she said.

Why she took time to say all these?

I can understand it. She is searching for an old-age home, and she can move out there any time. That is why she talked about all these things.

After all, she wants freedom.

Whether I will meet her again, or will meet her a few times, depends on when she joins an old-age home. Though she did not say that to me, I can predict she will do that.

Unicorns when they don't know who they are, will die thinking they are a defective human.

Her story made me upset, but I know collective consciousness will her and take care of her.

A rare real life story...

 I felt it was better to write it as early as possible instead of thinking about it. I don't know whether I can write fully in one post. 

The Unicorn

Injustice

The lie

The respect

I don't pray or expect anything from God when I go to the temple. I practise happy, content smile looking at the God's face. lol That is what I do daily in my morning walk.

Whenever I see the old lady, I smile and say a few words or wave at her. Last time, when I saw her, she said she could go out if her son took her out. I don't read her emotions. I just know she feels lonely. I understand people can be lonely even if they have family members at home.

Today when I go out for walking I met her. She was trying to decide whether to talk or not. And I said few unimportant words. lol. And she told me her life story. For the first time in my life, I listened without getting emotional(That is the power of being a narcissist slayer).

The Unicorn

She was born in a wealthy family. They had a big house, servants, a lot of properties. And the family's downfall started when her father resigned from his job. Only females from wealthy families got an education at that time. She got a good education and, to generate a steady income, she took a job. It is a rare thing for a female to work in late 1970s here.

She had an elder and a younger brother. She is the Unicorn. A rare female who did not think about her life.

The (unearned) respect

Only 2 were female in the company she worked. She worked in the same company for 30 years. People here are categorized based on their caste. Each caste will do a particular or specialized job. You can say they are specialist in that field. The caste I belong we are good administrators, business people and educators, including a chief minister. 

That company was owned by my caste people, and the manager was also from my caste. She was treated with respect and care. She asked my caste and I replied.

She at once make a gesture with hands 🙏 and said I am very grateful for the people I worked with and recollected her memories. The way she expressed it was like she is imagining/seeing her manager in me. This is the first time, I got a big respect for a thing which I did not do. lol. Getting respect from old people is not new when you have students as your fans. I don't know how I reacted or showed emotion in my face.

I did not do anything to get that respect.

Injustice

Though she earned money for her family, her whole life has become a sacrifice. Both her brothers got married. Her father gave his property to his elder son and he did not take care of his parents. Parents here still believe their sons are the protectors and girls are to be sacrificed.

In 1970, 1980s it is 100% a responsibilty of parents to look for a suitable groom for their daughter. 

I felt it was an injustice done to her by her family and siblings.

The lie

The old lady did not get married. She don't have a son. She don't like to say lie and may be felt it is better to tell the truth and said all these.

The remaining story will be published on the weekend.

My favourite house and the cute dogs.

 During my walk, I observe the architecture of the houses. Some houses are big, spacious, and have a garden. Can I give the title "The house" like how we submit essays in our school days?! lol.

A few houses make me curious too. Abandoned by the owners, though it looks strong and has signs of once thriving with a family in that area, they still have some life force in it.  Maybe the owners went abroad and did not think to come back.

It is rare to see a female name on the name board. That too in the old house. Before 20 years, it was really a big thing. The husband of the family has given equal rights(not exactly equal, as her name was below the male's name) to his wife, it seems. But that itself is a big thing. Not every female gets that recognition. I really admire the person who was bold enough to behave differently from society and put his wife's name on the name board. Many should have mocked him.

Opposite to that house is my favourite house(one of my favourites). They have a few pet dogs too. The colour paint combination of the house is good, and it has parking lots for the servants too. 

I don't know the breed of the dogs, but I like those dogs(one in particular). When I pass that house, I look at the dog, and the dog will act as if it doesn't look at me. Sometimes it gets confused about whether I am looking at the dog or at somebody behind it. lol.

I wanted to find out whether that dog observes me. I did not go near the house for a few days. After a few days I walked pass that house. And the dog was happy; it came running. lol 

Watching/observing is a time-pass activity for animals, especially for cats and dogs.