The last visit...

The native place is always tied to grandparents. After them, it is uncles and aunts who live near it. When they pass away, the tie with the native too pass.

I visited my uncle's home last week to pay respect to him. My intuition was saying to me this will be my last visit to my native, though logically it is not correct. When I have a conflict like this, I postpone the emotion till it is time to face it and carry on with my work.

It is my duty, no doubt, I have to visit. I started from home with the conflicted emotion. My face was like ginger eaten monkey's face. lol. The joy of being a narcissist slayer is that my face reflects the emotion. I can not hide behind the people pleaser's face.

Usually, when crossing the landmarks one by one near the native, I would feel joy as a kid. This time, I did not feel any emotion. And my mind started to get cleared. My face started to become normal. This is not hurting, even if it will be the last visit to the native, I thought.

Met my cousins after many years, and had a group therapy session. lol

I thought their house would be filled with so many relatives. And was surprised to see no relatives were there. Planned to spend a few minutes if it is crowded, but spent more time as nobody was there.

Times are changing. And we talked at what point a human starts to change. When a loving father starts to hate his own child? We discussed that in the group. Maybe from middle age we discussed, but still can not pinpoint the exact time as the change process happens gradually.

And I said to my cousins, we share the genes, and we are in mid age, we may also change unless we monitor ourselves. If we all change and meet again after few years it like my updated version meeting their updated version. Did I prove that the title is right? Sigh... lol

Stranger...

 As a narcissist slayer, I have changed certain things. Body language, posture and tone. Otherwise, it will be tough to outsmart them. And I forgot I was an ordinary empath, that sounds like a long time ago.

Feb 7, I was in the bank waiting. Usually, that is like a seasonal depressive movement, and this time I did not feel like that. My situations are the same,  but I have become a narcissist slayer. I was conducting an emotional evaluation with myself to pass the time. And the stranger started to talk to me. I think it is a logical move when a person shares their problems with a stranger. You won't meet them again, and they can't use that information. So I listened. 

First, he listed certain things and said these are my problems. And I said, these are not problems. He looked at me, then continued. He did not refuse or agree. After a few minutes of chat, he listened to his achievements. And I thought, this person is telling lies from the start. Am I looking like a stupid?! His list of achievements is the problem. I did not say anything, and he avoided eye contact. We talked few minutes. Usually, narcissists create an illusion, and they make you believe it. But this person was creating an illusion for himself. And I understood one important psychological concept I read. The human brain creates illusions, stories to avoid pain and to survive. And during that conversation, I saw him understand his illusions. There was a fear when the truth hit him and the pain and then a different emotion in his eyes. My brain searched all recorded emotions and found it an emotion you show in front of God. I really don;t know how to react. I don't know how to smile like a Goddess. After all I watch only ghost movies. lol. I recollected my people pleaser smile. I tried my best smile.

For the readers, so far, it looked like I did something good.

Actually, I learned a few things. When we discuss our problems with certain people, the collective consciousness works and solutions can be felt/realised.

Usually, when a narcissist sees their truth, they get angry. When a wise person sees their truth, they feel grateful.

The stranger, how fast he recovered, showed gratitude, that is maturity, that is humbleness. I don't know whether I will reach that level in this birth.

Vampire Diaries...

 It is not about vampires and humans.  I just gave a catchy title. 😇

Different personalities can't be friends. An empath and a narcissist can't be friends.

My neighbor was very keen to share her troubles. She and her mom were checking whether I am healthy. And finally, she came and said stories about how her shoulder and neck are aching and the physiotherapists she is visiting.  I gave her the expected reply. (I use both hands to type in computer(lol... everybody does that, but those who use computers recently will be typing in one hand). She was asking about visiting places. I did not show interest. 

She took me out saying we will go for half an hour drive and took me for a heavy dinner when I was in diet. In her diary she should have mentioned this incident as I took my neighbor for a surprise dinner. Now she is having the hobby of visiting physiotherapists and keen to introduce that hobby to me. I can't imagine getting treatment for shoulder pain without having it. lol. She may be planning to write in her diary that she took her neighbor to physiotherapist and ease her pain.

Only in series vampire and human can be friends. In real life empath and a narcissist can not be friends. There will be some attraction as they are opposites. 

I should write about women's health next...

Every narcissist has a story...

 As a narcissist slayer, I try to get the story of the narcissist. No need for me to try, they themselves come and tell me. lol...

I love bombed narcissist and got her job cadre, oh, sad. lol.

I reflected back the character of a narcissist to the mother narcissist. And she said, even it is a peon job, it is a government job. I showed a pathetic look in my eyes. See, I don't need lengthy dialogues to slay a narcissist. When I reflect on them back it looks like an attitude. When you do it to others, it is nothing, right narcissist? Only you have a heart, and others don't? Oh, your heart is very sensitive.

The same person who spread rumours of my career now thinks I am showing attitude to them, as I know they are a peon. I won't show my full strength. It is yet to come. They still don't know about my career. lol. I don't have to say anything about her designation to others, but now she will think I have said it to everybody. That is my dear narcissist, my punishment to you. I just know your secret. I won't say it to others, but you will fear I will say it to others. You yourself will say it to others at the right time when the universe reflects back to you.

I See U - Part 2

 When 2 introverts know they are the same personality type, they talk won't be about the weather. It will be about the most important things. 

I was asking Universe to give me one data as I have never met my personality type consciously. And Universe gifted me what I asked.

I met HOD after nearly 20 years and I was surprised. He aged is reverse. He is very healthy, very focused and his brain is sharp. Otherwise, he won't be coaching students who are writing the highest competitive exams. When all his peers are sitting at home watching TV, he is at the peak of his career.

And one of the important things he said was about health. He said, "you should be healthy like when you joined your first job. I have done it, so it is possible for you" I was stunned, reverse ageing is not that easy. He meant it and its true.

Introverts once they reach their mid age, they will gain extroverts qualities and they can live in the most busy cities too and shine in competitive career.

For 2 months I was thinking and I did not find any way to do it as I was thinking it is not easy or possible. Few days before I thought, if one person can do it, then I also can do it. Universe will show the way automatically once the decision is made.

Usually he gives me so much respect and this time, the respect was in tons. And I understood, it is for the highest potential in me. I may not know my potential yet.

I always see the potential of others, which they don't understand. lol.. I understood how it will be as I faced a similar situation.

Very few can reach their highest potential and I should accept that fact.

A child like curiosity, wise like a thousand years old, content, happy, unattached, empathetic thats what I saw in him.

Motivating and inspiring. And hope.

The Protector...

 They say introverts can understand others' emotions. But unless they have worked with their shadow, they can not understand others fully. 

Shadow is the disowned features of a person. But they can act as your protector. Instead of using the shadow part during your tough time, integrate it with your character. Then it will give more clarity.

There won't be any confusion in finding a narcissist fast. 

An introvert who has integrated their shadow, enjoys their alone time, doesn't need anybody to validate them and becomes strong.

At that point, the universe will start helping/guiding them more closely.

Carl Jung has explained the importance of shadow work. I came to know about Carl Jung from one of the psychology professors, who has passed away recently.

A person who once was brilliant, faded slowly but I saw the essence before it faded away fully.

And I am happy that I expressed my gratitude to him. We never know when we will take our last breath, so always do the good things at once. 

What about the bad people who did bad?

Time will take care of them. 

The Cortisol Quest...

 The second half of personal and professional life depends on how a person manages their cortisol level.  Because cortisol will increase if you continue the same life style.

The same exercise routine spikes it, the same food habits spike it... lol

It is a chaos.. But every chaos has opportunity for good.

This year my quest is to reduce the weight further, to be healthy and manage cortisol level when it spikes on its own. 

And of course to dress up like a Queen/narcissist slayer.