I found you...

 Shadow integration is not an easy thing. Most people will integrate their light side. Very few will integrate their dark. Life is a mess if the integration is not proper. That is why many find it tough to handle their life in their mid-ages.

During my childhood, I was fond of a friendly God. We have temples for him everywhere. Once I started to integrate shadow, I felt an attraction towards the commander-in-chief of the celestial armies. But I don't want to travel to famous temples to meet him. lol.

I was thinking I should find a temple near me where I can walk. During my walk I saw a temple, but thought it would be the friendly God. I walked past it for two days without giving a second thought. And 3rd day when I crossed the temple, the sun's rays struck his weapon and bounced back in a dazzling shimmer. I noticed it. I entered the temple and saw him. Viola, he is the same one as per my expectation. And I said to him, "I found you" with a smile.(Of course, it is a mind voice). And he said, I wanted you to find me. 😇

People ask so many things from God. But I use this ritual to remind me daily about individuation. Finding this small temple pulled some old memories.

Monks. I have met the monks. Jay Shetty(author of think like a monk) and The monk who sold his Ferrari have met monks. But their experience is entirely different.

To me, monks are ordinary human beings like us. They choose to be a monk as a major life decision. They belong to private missions or organisations. They work in missions. They also have competition, designation, ego etc. I remember the sadhu(monk) who built the temple. He visited our house once. Later came to know he resigned from that organization as he did not get a promotion. He joined another organisation later. I have heard his lectures about "karma yoga" from Bhagavad Gita. Lord Krishna said "do your duty, don't expect any reward". 

If you blindly follow it, everybody will give their duty to you, and finally, you will become a narcissistic slayer like me. What is your duty? Where you can expect reward? Where you can not expect reward? That understanding comes from experience and your life's situation and environment.

I am grateful for the monk who built that temple. It helps me to think about the integration of male energy perfectly.

How a narcissist handle a rejection?

 I don't know if this is the right title. This is the next part of this post

Some teachers have ethics. They don't give zero marks to any students as it will make the student believe incapable in studies. I have never given zero when I taught. My shadow side wanted to give zero. Whenever I meet a narcissist, I find it thrilling to give zero to their efforts.

I don't want to have any contact with my narcissistic neighbour. Last time I told her, I could not help her. I know she will try again. Actually, she doesn't need help; it can be solved easily in other ways without depending on anybody. But to improve her narcissistic ability, she asked for help. Anyhow, she tried in a different way yesterday. She sent her father to convince me. I explained logically why I can not help. I don't accept guilt trips or any other tactics.

I really don't understand why people ask for help when it is not necessary?! It is a kind of act to make the other person submissive. If she has a problem, she has to solve it. It is not my duty to help her to solve it. Usually, she and her mom will go for a walk and talk to others. This time they did not come out. That is very strange.

Even my family members wanted to help, but I told them I stopped helping since I don't like her. So no more arguments.

It is always a pleasure giving a narcissist zero out of a hundred.

Q as in Question...

 This is the question mark inside my head recently. I have not found the answer yet. Eventually, I will know the answer, but I don't know when. Maybe when I get all the data points.

Reading this can give you the feel - previously, this is what happened a few weeks ago. lol

People who live as per society's expectations, study well, get a job, and get married - they feel they are zero or clueless about life from their 40s. The fall starts slowly, and when they near 50, they are entirely different personalities.

Groomed from an early age by their parents that money is the only important thing in the world, who made all the choices in their life based on money, who follow the leader obediently in office - how do they start to fall in their career in their late 40s?

I have noticed that they don't have the courage to face any tough situation on their own, and always agree with whatever the powerful person says in their 20s.

They are successful until their 40s. Then their friends' group fall apart, careers start to crumble. From 20 to 40, they are accumulating a kind of arrogance, and it starts to deplete when they are nearing their 50s.

When they look at me, they understand I did not undergo this process. I am different. And it creates curiosity. In the 20s and 30s, I listened with patience, but now I can't waste my time, though I am curious to understand them.

So this post is about question mark, I will write the answers when I find it.

The Lipstick(Cosmetic comedies)...

 Everything started as a small thought. And it's funny. I noticed my brown-coloured face turning to black after a few days of early morning walks. If I walk like this for 10 years, then I cannot recognise myself.

I started to search for sunscreen lotions. Some sunscreen lotions give a white coating to the face. If you have watched 1980s ghost movies, they have painted the ghost's face with a white coating. A similar type of coating it gives. And finding the right type of sunscreen that suits is a task. Then I thought since I can not use sunscreen lotion on my lips, I have to find a lipstick. A mild color which won't be attractive. And I started my lipstick hunt. I ordered a mild colour for Valentine's Day, and I received a blood red colour as if I am going to attend a vampire party. Refer the image below.

Facing all these challenges, I managed to walk with sunscreen and lipstick to protect my face from Sun. As per Newton's law, every action has a reaction. The housewives in my place got inspired by my makeup! 

One day I was thinking while walking that I should buy fluorescent coloured clothes so that I can be seen from anywhere. The next minute, I saw one of the ladies who watches my morning walk wearing a bright red and green colour dress. She was holding a tote and footwear similar to mine with red color lipstick. lol. The thought that came to my mind was, seeing her sudden transformation, her husband is going to doubt her as if she is having a new affair.(My brain has the power to think worst-case scenarios). 

The narcissist in my family was worried. They can't digest my sunscreen and lipstick look. And I saw the impact yesterday. The family narcissist was asking me, Will I get your money and properties when you die. And I said, I am trying for a job abroad. I will buy a fortress there. I won't die here to give my money to you(I tried my best to give an answer that doesn't have any logic in it). That narcissist is the pig and the family in this cosmetic comedy movie. Pig always thinks he is the smart one. 

They all are thinking that I am still that super empath who will sacrifice my life for them. They don't know I have become a narcissist slayer.

Leading lady - A love story...

 I am getting better at titles... lol

This is part 2 of Stranger 

I went to the bank today, and before going there, said the collective consciousness, I don't want a stranger's story today.  I was waiting in the bank, and nothing was happening. It was boring. And I thought, a stranger's story is better than boring. I looked around. I found one interesting thing. Most of the bank's female employees were wearing lipstick. Finding the right shades was a challenge for me. I started to observe the shades. One of the female staff was looking beautiful. A calm, peaceful face. It is very rare, and looking at her face itself gave a calm feeling. And I like her lipstick. I was thinking whether to approach her and ask about the lipstick details.

At that time, the planets and stars aligned. A young, good-looking guy entered the bank. He went to that female staff and asked a dumb doubt and she replied with seriousness.

When my brain has less energy, I get dumb questions. So I thought that guy's brain battery is low. lol...

Then, after a few minutes, he again went to her and asked another dumb doubt. I watched them for few minutes and understood. That young man likes that female staff and he don't know what to do and asking dumb doubts.

My mind voice said, "stupid guy, its better to say it directly. You never know how many opportunities you will get". The young man left.

I started to scold that young man in my mind. And my critic inner voice told me, "after all you don't have the courage to ask the lipstick details, but you are criticizing another person"

I did not hesitate, I went to her, asked her permission to ask a personal question and asked the lipstick details. She took her mobile, find that details, showed her mobile and showed the price and other details. lol... its so simple.

Now I can scold that young man. Stupid guy, instead of trying to think about dumb doubts, it is easy to tell it directly. Or it may become too late. 

This incident has a lesson, and I have to submit a thesis to the collective consciousness about it. lol

Looks like visiting the bank often can give more useful lessons. Very lucky place to give different interesting lessons.

And the lipstick's name is leading lady... I have justified the title.. lol

Every opportunity has risk. Unless you try, you never know whether it is good or bad. Opportunities need lot of hard work to make it work.

Cindrella Princess...

 Cindrella Princess is about how a female's life can be upgraded in one decision.

Few get that kind of opportunity, and very few among them make use of it.

I usually buy groceries in a particular shop. I have known the family for many years. I started to talk with them like relatives from 2025. We can create a bond or friendship when there is mutual benefit. I get quality groceries at a reasonable price, and they get a regular customer.

Sometimes I get information from the collective consciousness. One day, a few months back, when I saw their daughter, I got the intuition that she was going to be rich. 

One day, they said they had finalised their daughter's marriage. The groom is from Sherlock Holmes' city. The way they said the news was bad. As if it were bad news, near tears. I understood they are not ready, they did not expect and did not like the alliance. 

At that time, I realised why I got the intuition. I asked them few questions. How many alliances you get so far? Did your daughter say okay? Can you give your daughter a luxurious life?  She can get a job there and earn. It is a good opportunity, do it with a full heart. 

Few visits to the shop and I said about good things marriage can bring to their family. 

I went to the reception. And I got a warm welcome from them. I was happy.

Now we are going to the psychological things behind it.

Parents when they are crossing their mid age, sometimes use their children for codependency. On narcissist level it can be they won't allow their children to get married and if they got married, they do all the hard word to break the marriage.

I know the dark side of a parent and I know how to bring the light side. And I amplified the light side of the couple. 

The marriage was praised by most people in my place. Everything was well planned and good.

I felt a little bit ashamed to see the darkness when I encouraged the decision. I felt ashamed as they could see my parents' darkness too.

Advantage Narccisist slayer - neighbour darling, now I know your biggest wound. I know how to attack you next. Don't dare to come near me with a white flag. I don't accept white flags from a narcissist. lol.

Cinema, the drama - Part 2

 Here is the Part 1

The actor I have mentioned in Part 1 created a history in politics. The people who joined in the victory were his parents, not his wife or children. And also the actress. My observations was the actor is an introvert, very ambitious and growing as per his midlife. He and his family grew apart. Though others are saying the actor and his wife will live together and won't get divorced, I think it doesn't have logic in it. If a big, happy moment is not shared, then it means that the relationship won't have a main role. 

Actress has more chances to marry the actor as both are ambitious and since they worked together, they should have developed respect towards each other for overcoming the challenges in their field. Any how, I am writing this here to check in the future whether my observations are right.