A kind gesture...

 Today I started my morning walk very late as I felt like having a relaxing walk. I reached the temple and saw the old lady praying. I can sense her sadness. Maybe she was crying. I went near her, and I started to pray. Whatever sadness she had, it was interpreted by my presence. I left after a few seconds as I don't want to disturb her, but I know I already stopped her flow state of being sad. I know she is wise enough to see other people's problems. And when she saw me, she would get distracted by imagining the problems I have. lol.

Old people feel sad about a few things. Health, family members who don't understand them and loneliness. I felt like I should give her a warm smile at least. I changed my walking route and walked in the area near the temple. And returned towards the temple. I saw her coming out of the temple. 

She smiled at me and cracked a joke about me coming late to the temple. We both smiled and said a few words. I like this kind of ending to a scenario. We are both kind towards each other at that moment. We did not share our burdens, but gave a smile.

I came home and talked to everybody. I learned a lesson. I don't like to be a person who thinks others don't understand me. Instead, I can understand others. And I can talk to them after scolding or fighting with them. 

Past and present...

 That day I went out of the house. I did not plan where to go. Just walked and went towards the place where I got the sudden feeling to go. At that time, I felt someone looking at me. And I turned. I saw my ex-colleague.  When I turned, she just pretended to look at the other side. 

When I worked with her, she was the calm one among others, won't talk with anybody. I was thinking about what to do. I can talk, or I can continue to walk. I had a few seconds to decide.  And I thought, I don't have anything in common with her now. If I talk with her, she can feel bad for the things that I did not get in my life or life's experience has changed her to have a tough and rude mind. I just walked, did not talk. She is an extreme introvert, and I don't want to give her too many things to think. lol.

With relatives and old friends, I feel this nowadays. After a certain age, we change as per our life's experiences. If there is no bond, then it is just a vacuum. And if there is nothing common to hold the bond, then it doesn't have any future. We can pretend as if we care for others, but truly, we are strangers. I don't spend too much of my energy on such occasions. 

Relatives, ex-colleagues, and friends become strangers, and it needs a strong common factor to develop a bond after a certain age. One of the painful truths about life is that. That is why I am my own friend. lol.

I got a follower...

 Next part of this one

I went to that temple during my daily walk. I like the calm, happy and content smile of that God. How can a God have this kind of smile when he is the commander-in-chief of the celestial armies? Every day I ask him this question. lol So he gave me a few situations to understand it.

Since this is the next part, we will continue with the "another lady". Since she asked a very stupid question of me, and as I know the capacity of her and my own darkness, I started to treat her as an unknown person. People test others' boundaries with stupid questions. Even I can ask her a stupid question, "How many grand children you have?" lol

I went earlier to avoid her, and after a few days, she came earlier wearing specs. I pretended I could not identify her. She pretended that she could not see properly without specs and asked a stupid question. Most females try to copy others to prove they are smart.

She tried to copy my walking shoes. Mine is very comfortable to walk and it can be used as office wear. She bought a sports walking shoe and wears it with socks. I nearly laughed seeing that. In this hot climate, that will be very tough. Then she bought another one, but still it was similar to a sports shoe. 😇

I liked that game, and now I have started to change my ear studs to make her jealous. She came yesterday without specs and tried to talk to me. I replied with one word and gave a slight smile, and did not stop to talk to her. When a person shows their darkness, I don't look for further proof; I accept it on the 1st try.

Her behaviour was a bit strange. She is singing in front of God for 30 minutes daily. It is really tough to find time to walk in the morning, but if she is spending more time outside in the morning means she is not living with her husband. May be separated or divorced, or applied for divorce. But these divorced ladies wear all the ornaments like a married woman to avoid society's trolls.

Her singing is not good, so praying to God is a bit tough. But I will find a way to overcome it. Maintaining balance irrespective of the situation is what I am learning now.

At this rate, I have to plan what to wear for a walk the previous day itself to save time.

See the image, anything special in it?

 This is what I thought when I saw that lady's reaction.

As I don't like to be followed by goats and cows, I changed my walking route to residential areas where I can walk in a place with trees on both sides. And that is how I found that temple.

I usually smile when I see any female in the temple. After a few days of smiling, usually people like to go to the next level. That is talking about why they visit the temple and all.

One old lady asked me why you are visiting this temple when you have temples near your house. And I said here God's face is beautiful. That's why. lol. Then I added that seeing God's face, my mind becomes calm. The old lady blessed me. 

Another day, another lady entered the temple when I was leaving. She looked at my legin and I could see her jealousy. She wanted to start a conversation and asked what is your husband doing? You don't have to be Sherlock Homes to know whether a female is married or not. I said I am not married. I understand she asked that question to make me upset. At that time a female monk came near us. She should have thought to rescue me. We asked the temple open and close time from her. Then that lady asked me what work you are doing. I answered in a few words and said I have to start my work in a few minutes and see you some other time. I made her feel that I was financially independent, but she is not.

I find a similarity between my neighbour narcissist in her.

Narcissist always start with a question to prove that they have something special which we don't have. Though I did not think too much at that time, I made her feel she didn't have everything. lol. That is why I am a narcissist slayer.

Anybody can buy and wear a legin, what is there to feel jealous? I don't understand.

I changed my time slot a bit earlier to visit the temple so that I will be free from these talks. But once in a while I plan to visit when they visit as it is really interesting to see people's emotion when they see a stranger.

Myths or Facts?

 Sometimes I think a lot. Now also I was thinking what to write as I have so many things. But I can choose only a few.

I learned a lot about my personality type from the internet. It says my type of people are visionaries, long-term thinkers. I don't know whether I think like that. But I thought, let me try it anyway. I selected my specimen(naricssist neighbour for that). lol.

As usual, she only talks about something. And last time she asked about Peacock University. I told her that I am trying for this job at my company, so I cannot continue my studies at Peacock University. I am already in that job; she doesn't know that, though. I will tell stories about my hardwork in getting qualified for it if she continues to communicate with me. And finally I will tell her I got the job. This is how I think in the long term. 😊 Start by using this technique to look like a Long term thinker/ Visionary. It is like copying a technique, till you gain expertise in it to have a uniqueness.

Everybody likes my personality type?!

Nope... A big no. Most people are insecure about themselves. And when they come near me, they can feel they are less than me and start to hate me in seconds, especially a narcissist. My growth as a person developed when I accepted the fact that I can not please everybody and feel okay if a person doesn't like me.

Did babies and animals get attracted to me and calm when I am near?

Yes, as they see me as a potential candidate to dominate. 😇

When I started walking as a daily ritual, I walked in the places where goats eat grass. One day all the goats started to follow me. I thought, oh my God, goats are thinking I am Jesus. lol. Most of the pictures I saw, Jesus was holding a goat in his lap. 

As the goats are following me, I feel like a pied piper. I wanted to check whether the goats can hear my mind voice. I told myself, "I had mutton yesterday. I can eat you too" No reaction from them. lol 

Then I understand, they are watching me daily and they can identify me. Since I am familiar to them they followed me to know how it feels to walk without grazing.

My personality type is humble

Yes. Even goats can identify me. But I can see them as black sheep, white sheep. And goats are more brilliant than me in a very few ways, as I can not identify them by their face. 😇 This way, the Universe humbles me always.

I found you...

 Shadow integration is not an easy thing. Most people will integrate their light side. Very few will integrate their dark. Life is a mess if the integration is not proper. That is why many find it tough to handle their life in their mid-ages.

During my childhood, I was fond of a friendly God. We have temples for him everywhere. Once I started to integrate shadow, I felt an attraction towards the commander-in-chief of the celestial armies. But I don't want to travel to famous temples to meet him. lol.

I was thinking I should find a temple near me where I can walk. During my walk I saw a temple, but thought it would be the friendly God. I walked past it for two days without giving a second thought. And 3rd day when I crossed the temple, the sun's rays struck his weapon and bounced back in a dazzling shimmer. I noticed it. I entered the temple and saw him. Viola, he is the same one as per my expectation. And I said to him, "I found you" with a smile.(Of course, it is a mind voice). And he said, I wanted you to find me. 😇

People ask so many things from God. But I use this ritual to remind me daily about individuation. Finding this small temple pulled some old memories.

Monks. I have met the monks. Jay Shetty(author of think like a monk) and The monk who sold his Ferrari have met monks. But their experience is entirely different.

To me, monks are ordinary human beings like us. They choose to be a monk as a major life decision. They belong to private missions or organisations. They work in missions. They also have competition, designation, ego etc. I remember the sadhu(monk) who built the temple. He visited our house once. Later came to know he resigned from that organization as he did not get a promotion. He joined another organisation later. I have heard his lectures about "karma yoga" from Bhagavad Gita. Lord Krishna said "do your duty, don't expect any reward". 

If you blindly follow it, everybody will give their duty to you, and finally, you will become a narcissistic slayer like me. What is your duty? Where you can expect reward? Where you can not expect reward? That understanding comes from experience and your life's situation and environment.

I am grateful for the monk who built that temple. It helps me to think about the integration of male energy perfectly.

How a narcissist handle a rejection?

 I don't know if this is the right title. This is the next part of this post

Some teachers have ethics. They don't give zero marks to any students as it will make the student believe incapable in studies. I have never given zero when I taught. My shadow side wanted to give zero. Whenever I meet a narcissist, I find it thrilling to give zero to their efforts.

I don't want to have any contact with my narcissistic neighbour. Last time I told her, I could not help her. I know she will try again. Actually, she doesn't need help; it can be solved easily in other ways without depending on anybody. But to improve her narcissistic ability, she asked for help. Anyhow, she tried in a different way yesterday. She sent her father to convince me. I explained logically why I can not help. I don't accept guilt trips or any other tactics.

I really don't understand why people ask for help when it is not necessary?! It is a kind of act to make the other person submissive. If she has a problem, she has to solve it. It is not my duty to help her to solve it. Usually, she and her mom will go for a walk and talk to others. This time they did not come out. That is very strange.

Even my family members wanted to help, but I told them I stopped helping since I don't like her. So no more arguments.

It is always a pleasure giving a narcissist zero out of a hundred.