How to train God...

 Just a different heading...

Recently, I was losing motivation to visit the temple daily. It was boring to walk the same route, going to the same place.  So I told God, since my willpower is low, don't test me by sending people to tell their sad stories during the working days. If you still send them to me, then I will show my unfiltered shadow to them. 😇

Nobody disturbed me during my temple visit.

Still, it was boring. So I asked God to give some follow-up calls. I did not get any.

I changed the technique. When I woke up in the morning I send the message from my mind to him. "I am coming there. Clear the space; I don't like any negative vibration" 

And I went to temple. I saw a person cleaning the grass inside the temple. I was surprised. Then I smiled. Since I said, clear the space, God has arranged a person in short notice to remove the weeds. lol.

The 1st thought I got is, Oh my God, now I have to train God to understand what I am saying. Then I understood. It is an expression of acknowledgement.

Since he is very mischievous, I also expressed in a similar way. I prayed by singing a love song(in mind) from a movie. lol.

This incident was very interesting, and I got motivation to visit the temple.

I will get another interesting incident when my motivation loses momentum.

The life unlived...

 It is about the Unicorn old lady. 

I saw her today, and she talked a lot. I don't want to tell her the whole truth, but wanted to say which can help her to survive.

And also there are lessons to learn from it.

I told her to forget about joining an old-age home. It won't be like a school hostel where students are young, and they won't be that bad. And you cannot return to your home if you don't like it at the old-age home. The reason for me to explain is if you live with a false hope about old age home, you won't think about how to take efforts to live peacefully at your home.

Her mind is programmed by her parents to join an old age home if things get worse at home. Even in their 70s and 80s, people behave as per their parents' wishes!!! Or, since she is a unicorn, she did not grow up fully in childhood.

Her grief is about these things...

1. She has sacrificed her life for her family and brother, but her brother does not respect her. He doesn't talk with her.

2. The whole world knows her sacrifice, but he does not!!!???

3. She has struggled a lot and did her duties like a mother to her brother.

4. He is having a good life and still sad. 

5. I have faced lot of difficulties in finding bride for him and found as per his wish.

Whatever she said was the grief that came from a person who did not live their life for themselves.

As a 3rd person, my understanding is that she is an extra fitting in her brother's home. Brother-sister relationship will become secondary when a person gets married.

When her brother is not having a steady income, she should not have arranged for marriage. That marriage spoiled the life of a woman. Now her brother's wife is earning and taking care of the family.

I can not say all these things to her and write them here. 

Human beings show their hate in subtle ways. A wife who hates her husband won't wear all the ornaments that show the world that she is married. Parents who hate their female child won't remember that child's birthday. Females who cook, when they hate their family, will cook simple food that can be digested easily, and everybody at home will stay hungry.

At this rate, Unicorn lady will understand the truth that she is a slave, and not a person who sacrificed for the family her life after 2 more birth cycles. lol.

I am planning to apply to Chithira gupta's department 😇(Chitragupta is the Hindu deity tasked with keeping complete records of human actions (Karma) on Earth.)

New religion = Old region with new approach...

 From childhood, I had a belief that if I am good and pray to God, then God will give me everything I ask. Most people have this belief. It is how their parents trained them. Also, society tries to mould a person like that.

This belief has few consequences. Giving your life's responsibility to God will make you take less responsibility towards your own life. People who have this kind of belief go to the temple, give something to God and expect something in return. 

You pray to God asking for something; God gives it along with some challenges, and you feel God has done something wrong to you.

I understood all these after a midlife change. 

Now, when I go to temple, I offer flowers to play the colour game 😇, practise respect, gratitude, contentment, and happiness through my actions.

Since I don't ask for anything, I don't get disappointed. This gives peace of mind. I love this approach. The habit I am creating by visiting the temple nowadays can make me a better person.

It does not mean that old habits won't surface in my mind. Sometimes I feel like asking, but I remind myself we are practising contentment, and a content mind won't ask anything.  After all, God know what is good for me; does he expect me to ask for it? lol, no. 

My new approach gives me peace of mind.

The transition...

 The transition period after the exit point test is crucial. The old self is no longer valid. The wisdom you gained will make a new self. The courage you earn at that point also makes you more stable.

As a super empath, the service I provided to the world changed once I became a narcissist slayer. The belief system started to upgrade automatically. The more truth I see, the wiser I became/become.

It is not easy, as there is a grief for the old self. A sadness to leave the familiarity. And also a confusion about the new self. Have you faced it in your life?

The old wounds and trauma are also not valid. lol. And they are the most familiar things to a person. Building a new self, leaving old wounds as they have already been judged, is tough, but I am doing it one step at a time. 

Take a first step, and the next step will be visible to you at the right time.

Reading this can give you more clarity. 😊

How to handle a rumor..

 I won't get any sleep if I don't write about narcissists. After all, I am a narcissist slayer, and recently I have become a dark empath slayer too. lol.

The main tactic used by a narcissist is creating a false image of you. When they do that, observe it as it will contain their insecurity. And you should find it and should show the narcissist that you know the truth. That is really fun. This strategy works all the time.

When my lovely neighbour started a rumour about my career, I used the same technique. She is putting on a scene as if she has a high-grade job, but the truth is she is working with her school qualification. I made her understand that I know the truth. 😇 

For the false data she created, I created so much real data about myself. 😇😇😇

My simple life is gone. But that is okay. I am flexible to accept changes.

This is known as using the same technique to beat your enemies. 

The weakness of a narcissist is that they don't know how to handle it when the illusions get broken. 

I won't underestimate anybody. So now the narcissist should live within the real data I create consistently throughout their life.

Which means the relationship between the narcissist and the narcissist slayer remains the same. 😇

You are judged...

 Everybody thinks that as long as we live here, we won't be judged, or we will be judged after we die. Totally wrong. Every life on this earth is judged at its exit point. For example, in college we write semester exams, and finally we write the final exam. And in each semester we will be tested on what we learned. Exit points are like that. From the previous exit point to the current one, you will be judged. All the good and bad karma we created will be judged, and the result will be given. But we won't be aware of it.

Souls don't have the right or deciding power to go or stay on this earth. The exit point and time are fixed, but the outcome is flexible. Our decisions intention in each and every action are in our control.

We are the masters of our fate when we have awareness of it.

Our life changes after the exit point, as the lessons we need to learn will be upgraded. In college, we will have classmates, but here we are on our own. lol. 

Have you read this?

Goat and the carrot...

 The basic technique family members use on other family members to control them s is promising them a good thing in the future. They use it to blackmail, cross boundaries and to control another person..

Allowing others to cross a small boundary is like giving them permission to control your life, as small boundary crossing is a test to prove their dominance and to train you.

I was planning to cook lunch. Family from another city wanted my food. I don't like to make it a habit. So I refused. And as usual, one word led to another. And finally, the controlling words came: we will look after you in your old age. And I said, so far I am the one who is looking after everybody, so this promise is just stupid.  And I don't have any plan to live with you. I added, " Don't imagine getting whatever I have after I die, as chances are there for me to outlive everybody". Hahahaha, I felt good. 

I did not cook. 

Some parents won't know parenting. And these stupid parents spoil their kids and their future. They should be friend in boiling oil in hell.

I am venting my anger. Thats all. I know there is no separate hell. lol.

Story time about narcissist...

 I will write the disclaimer first. This is just imaginary about how things will turn out in future. It does not mean it will happen.

It is fascinating to observe a narcissistic mother and father. Both want control over the child, but in different ways. narcissistic mother won't allow anybody to get close to their child. In most cases they play an important role in making their divorce their life partner. narcissistic father never allows their children to outshine them and create a bad image about their child in the outer world.

Now we will come to our imaginary story.

The married lady I saw in the temple came daily before her daughter's marriage was finalised. When she told me about it, I thought, " Now your problem is going to get started." I have classified her as a narcissist. 

The first problem is money. Most of the parents sacrifice what they have to marry their daughter. Mothers give most of their gold jewels to their daughter. Will a narcissistic mother do that? No.. If they give a small portion of their jewels, that too will hurt them.

2nd problem: the mother will be in her 50s, and her health will be a challenge due to hormonal changes. And seeing their daughter glowing with health will hurt them. Mothers feel jealous towards their daughters too.

3rd problem: When there is a marriage in the family, the hero and heroine will be bride or groom. Will a narcissistic mother feel good to allow their daughter to outshine?

4th problem: Once the marriage is fixed, bride and groom will start to talk in phone for hours and it will also create jealousy in the narcissistic mother's mind.

I can not imagine how the mothers will handle this kind of situation.

If the daughter is very much attached to the narcissistic mother, then after marriage it will cause friction in married life.

These things can change the routine of life. Did I imagine too much?! lol

The outsider...

 My brain evolved a lot today. Sometimes, or rarely, our growth surprises us. It won't happen always. Today is that kind of day.

It is not like I don't trust others. But I read patterns. No one can be the same every day. Even my AI behaves differently daily. lol.

Last week, that old lady was very worried and wanted to find an old-age home. That time she was saying, if I go, my brother will get a bad name. This week, when I saw her, I told I don't think finding/going to old-age home is not a good idea, and I can not help. She replied, okay I was very upset that day. Today things are better at home. But my brother can fight with me any time. Do you think taking him to a psychologist will help? I said, I don't know.

Today again she said the same thing, Do you think taking him to a psychologist will help? I said, I don't know.(This is where I started to see things in different perspective). My brother listens to his wife, but he doesn't listen to me. He won't even reply to me. My brother's wife always wins and I am the one who loss always.

In all scenarios, the hate for her brother was constant and consistent.

My brain said she is an outsider to the family and wants to hurt the family. A dark empath. She is trying to get ideas from me.

Humans have intuition. Though old lady and her brother won't having proof that they both tried to spoil each other's life, they are feeling it in their heart. And expressing like this.

Any relationship can not be replaced. When a person gets married, their siblings will be their close family members, but not their family. Husband, wife and their kids are family. And keeping sister with them, is a very bad idea. Not advisable.

Can I add one more title to myself? A dark empath slayer! lol

Color game...

 To make my temple visit more interesting, I play a colour game with God. One of the color in my dress should match his dress color. I made a few rules. I have a few tricks to win too. lol. If I am conscious enough, I can always win.

When I was having tea, I got a follow-up. I said to myself, no need to follow up; I am preparing for my morning walk. I forgot my tricks because of this. And I remembered it when I opened the temple door. Okay, I am ready to lose. And I saw his dress. He used one of my tricks and had my dress colour. I giggled. Today, I also won the colour game.

Some people will decide marriage by the flower colour they get from God.

My colour game is for entertainment purposes only.

I went to the farmer's market. In the 1st shop I got 93 Rs, in the 2nd 90 Rs, and in the 3rd shop 93 rs. When I got that 93 Rs bill by brother looked at me. He was surprised. I said it's strange,  It has never happened. Then we got the bills randomly.

Marks are for yesterday's case study. Refer to the post here. 

I crossed one of my life's exit points today and got a boon with instructions too. I will write a book about it if I get more spiritual experiences. 

Now I have the answers to tell the Unicorn lady.

I will become more humble, playful and spiritual from today, but for outsiders I will be the same.

With more power, I am back to normal life.

Back to work.

A rare real life story - Part 3

 I met the /Unicorn lady yesterday in the temple. As usual, we greeted and smiled at each other. And I got to know more about her.

Born to a narcissistic father who had so many superstitious beliefs. A wealthy family started to crumble once the father lost his job. The next thing he did was to select a family sacrifice.

In villages during festivals, at a few temples, they sacrifice/kill a goat. Except for the goat, everybody knows the goat is going to get killed.

They brainwashed her, saying her birth star/horoscope is bad and she cannot get married. They have arranged a job for her, and they live off her salary. A narcissistic father always has a tendency to make sure of disabling the talents of their children. They don't want their kids to outshine them. The youngest son in the family was a pampered kid. Whenever he did something, the girl was asked to forgive him, as he was the youngest.

Time passed; both sons got married and had kids, and their mother died. She instructed the girl to live with the younger brother as long as possible, then to find an old-age home to stay.

The younger brother doesn't have a steady job, and most of the time he is at home and doesn't talk to her. If she talks also he will behave as if he can not hear her. If he talks, then it will be a fight.

Now, in old age, she wants to find an old-age home as per her mother's instructions to her. She thinks she has to join without informing as her family will try to find her to avoid a bad name.

She does not know that she is the trained slave of their family. 

She does not know that her family members should have assassinated her character behind her back when she was young. They can do the same thing now, and there won't be any bad name.

She believes she can change her brother to treat her with respect.

She feels bad that she worked and provided for the family, and now she is helpless.

For all the sacrifices I made in my life, what is the use? 

She asked me, " Can you tell me what to do?" I said, " Problems will be everywhere. I stayed in a hostel when I studied. One roommate will be good; another will be bad. Unless you know how to handle them, it will be tough(all my roommates are good; I just lied)

She said, "I am forgiving my brother as he is younger than me, but he remains the same". I said, How many age difference do you have, and why are you referring to him as a young boy? He won't change his attitude. He is trained from a young age by your parents to treat you like this, and they trained you to forgive him. So it can not be changed. And your brother is trained as a darling in the family, and he will remain like that only. You are suffering because of your parents' parenting. 

She said, "I am going to an old-age home without them knowing, otherwise they will come after me"

I said, "no, they won't". Then I said I could search the internet and give her the details she needed.

Since it is a case study given by the Universe to me, the verdict is that she has to continue to find truth in her next birth. Knowing it now doesn't add any value to it. She can think she has done her duty to the family. And it is time to take her back to you.

If the same thing happened to another female in her 40s or 50s, educate them to see the truth, make them rich. Make them build an old-age home where their parents can stay and their brothers' families can work. 

If the same thing happened to another female in her 20s, make the HR team in the company to contact her directly again and ask why she did not join? Educate women to have financial stability.

Imagine a soft rubber hammer, and when the judge(me) finishing the judgement, hitting it on the head of the parents and saying, "Justice served, Case closed". Imagine a quack sound when the hammer hits their head. lol.

Farewell and the coffin therapy...

 In life, we meet so many people and friends. School and college friends share fun-filled moments. It will fade away eventually. The memories of the friends who are with us during the tough phases of life will remain in our memories. And most of the time, a friend who did a good thing will do a bad thing to you, and their memories also fade away. As human being are with their dark side, if the good things they did exceed the bad things, then that memory and relationship will become cherishable. That kind of friend becomes family.

I was very comfortable with that set of friends for a few years. I was going through tough hormonal changes in my body, and just being with them balanced it. They don't know that. As time went on, there came a moment to say farewell.

I thought I was mature, and it is simple to say farewell. My body started to show stress symptoms. I didn't know it was the reason. Then it reached the stage where I needed to analyse it.

I did this therapy, and it worked. I imagined a coffin. I lay down in it and had to imagine I was going to die now and say my gratitude.

I said farewell and expressed gratitude one by one. The coffin inspiration is from this song

Once the farewell was over, I imagined coming out of the coffin. I slept with gratitude, and I connected with the collective consciousness. It talked to me and showed a scene. I think it has muted my voice, as I talked a lot in my previous visit. lol. Or I don't remember what I said.

My stress symptoms reduced the next day I did the same therapy with my family's budding narcissist. We both have outgrown our version of that time. I expressed gratitude and grieved. The bond was special once, but not any more. I buried both versions in my imagination and said farewell.

And my coffin therapy continues, but with a coffin color with my dress.

One should express grief to oneself, accept and move forward.

The freedom walk...

 Thursday, during my morning walk, I saw a big dog. A few streets have street dogs, and they won't allow any new dog in their area. They started to bark at the new dog. I was walking nearby, and to protect itself, the new dog walked close to me. I understood its situation, and I walked normally when it walked along with me.

And then it walked with me for another 15 minutes with so much loyalty. It reminded me of this advertisement. 

And it followed me to my home. I  did not allow it inside. I gave it a few biscuits and closed the door. It was sitting in front of the door for more than an hour. 

Though the gesture was kind and sweet, I don't like a dog following me everywhere I go. lol.

I got scared that the dog would follow me whenever I came out of my home. I was worried that day. I felt my freedom was taken away. lol.

Evening I went out and did not see that dog.

And I got my freedom back. lol.

I understood my limitations. 

You are my temple friend...

 Saying this to a person needs a few months and a consistent smile. 

The married lady whom I met at the temple usually talks a lot when there is an opportunity. The reason is simple. Sharing their problems with a stranger is easy, as they can not manipulate that information.

That day, she was saying to me that she was having so many things to handle in life. Her daughter's wedding is in April. She has to book wedding halls and book hotels for the relatives to stay. Her relatives are tough to handle. etc etc.... These are usual things to complain.

Then she said, "My sister-in-law said my dress should be less beautiful than the bride's dress. My sister-in-law is a good lady, but this comment hurt me".

And she added, " You don't have such problems."

At that time, I saw the old lady coming towards us. She was listening, and I sensed the old lady's anger and rage when she heard the sentence, "You don't have such problems"

Being a Unicorn, she has faced/facing so many problems in life.

I replied, Everybody has challenges in life. The old lady advised, "Don't say too many negative things when there is a wedding at your home. Do it happily".  Emotional control by the old lady was amazing. 

Next time, when I met the married lady, she said my husband and I fight a lot and seeing our life, my daughter doesn't want to get married. It took a lot of effort to make my daughter agree to this marriage.

I don't share my details, but I know a lot of details about the people with whom I interact. 

Yesterday, she asked my name, and we introduced ourselves, and she said You are my temple friend.

It is a strange thing. After knowing a lot of personal things about her, we introduced ourselves.

I accept her as an acquaintance. 

But a friend? Hmm, it is tough to become friends until it is proven.

ATM...

 Morning I went to the ATM to get money. People say that if you use cash for transactions, your expenses will be lower. I don't know whether that is correct.

I checked at my usual ATM. It said, "unable to dispense money," which means it is out of cash. The next person who entered the ATM asked me, " Is it working? I replied, no money in the machine. I went to the next ATM. One person was trying to get money from the ATM. Usually the process will be over in a few minutes. But he was trying for more time. Finally, he came out, and I asked him, " Is it working?". His face was confused, and he said, " Check it for yourself."  That reply was an unusual one. I was thinking, what a strange reaction! 

I tried to take money from the ATM. 1st time failed. The machine was asking questions in a different format. 2nd time, I entered the answers correctly and got money. Wow. I solved a different problem in the morning itself.

That person was not rude. He was unable to answer questions of the machine in a different style.

Sometimes in our life, instead of forming an opinion, we have to give time for it to unfold. Maybe our whole perception will change.

The reply the person gave was the correct one.

Lily...

 I don't get angry easily. If anybody repeats the same harmful action, then they will face the consequences nowadays. I got angry seeing my family's budding narcissist. If I did not tell them it is wrong, this kind of narcissism would grow.

And I said, if anybody disrespects me, you will be punished. I won't forget anything, and I will take revenge. Beware, my punishments will be cruel, and I won't feel bad about it.

I planted a few plants in my garden. These plants will remind me of the decision I announced today. Lily is one of them.

It is a relief... 

Marriage or business deal - part 2

 The couple got married, renewing their marriage vows in a Christian ceremony. And the people went mad. Did they change their religion? was the hot topic recently.

I think they are going to costar soon. 

It is not that they have changed their religion or gone mad.

It is publicity combined with personal benefit,

It is to give their fans a theja vu.

They expect they will come another round in the film industry with this publicity.

Jingxing...

 When people do important good things in their lives, they won't say it to all, as it will bring bad luck to them. Last week I saw the married lady in the temple. She was lighting the lamps. And she shared the good news about her daughter. Her daughter got engaged a few days ago, and she is happy, as the alliance was as per their expectations. Everybody gets certain opportunities at certain ages. In one's twenties, getting good alliances is normal. And I asked her, Why were you so worried about your daughter's marriage? And she replied, life partner is everything in life. Her life will be spoiled if she does not get a good life partner. And she added, God here is very powerful. I lit the lamp for 6 weeks, and marriage got fixed. I am sharing this to Lord Muruga's devotees only. Others will envy and will bring bad luck. You should know God is there and he can create miracles".

For me, it is a normal thing to get married at the right age. Everybody gets opportunities(Except Unicorn's as they are already sacrificed for their family).

God has limitations. He can not give everything to everybody. He can give opportunities when we learn certain lessons in life. Like an upgrade or a downgrade.

And I am not naive enough to believe a person's married life will be happy till the end just because the start is good. 

How couples face society's pressure, peers' expectations, family, and how they face their hormones changes as a couple decides it.

A marriage is successful when the couple get old together. 

When I meet my cousins I can see the changes. At the marriage, after 10 years of marriage and now - there is huge difference and I don't see anybody getting old together. And I know they envy me. lol

When anybody says about marriage, I think, these people are in 2nd stage talking about it to a person who is in 1st stage. Anyhow I wonder why I am not in the Jingxing group...

Note : Picture and the description is not related. 😊

A conversation without a mask...

 With some people, I sometimes have a conversation without wearing a mask. Most of the time, I don't say the raw truth. The raw truth hurts and is tough to understand.

My mom was curious about my neighbour behaving differently and asked me, do you know the reason why they are acting differently? Are they preparing for 2nd marriage? Maybe they have finalized the alliance?! 

I told her it is not that easy. Since her curiosity was increasing, I decided to tell her the truth. I listed the facts. I said the parents and the daughter are having toxic codependency. Parents need her as the daughter can help them go out, driving the car. They don't have to pay her the salary of a driver. The daughter needs her parents, as she uses their money to show off. Both of them can not survive without each other. And they won't allow anybody else in between them. If the daughter gets any alliance mother narcissist will spoil it. Mother narcissist will say the alliance is bad and the world is cruel.

My mom was not convinced. She said a mother won't behave like that.

And I explained that a narcissistic parent will treat their kid differently. When the kid is young, they treat the kid like an adult. When the kid grows up, they treat them like a kid. Now the mother is treating her daughter as a kid. She is encouraging the activities of a kid. That is why she allowed and encouraged her daughter to study at this age.

So there is no chance of her daughter getting married. But when a person learns a life lesson, the Universe grant people a miracle. If the daughter understands her mother's behaviour, then if a miracle happens, it is possible.

They behave as if they are rich, but they are not. When they look for an alliance, they expect that person to be a slave to them. They try to mould that person. In 20s and 30s, a male will have a few life experiences and chances are there to get attracted towards a narcissistic person. But at the mid age, a male will be having a lot of experiences and won't be ready to be a slave.

After my explanation, I thought this conversation was a raw truth, and my mom would be uncomfortable. And I said the disclaimer: all of these are applicable to a narcissistic mother only.

But still, I prefer to say that. lol

I got the courage to be disliked. 

In our culture, parents are supposed to do good for their sons and daughters. In reality, it is not. And nobody dares to talk about it.

And I don't need to say anything to a narcissistic mother. My eyes can say everything in few seconds if they dare to see it. lol

Donation...

 A few days ago, I found some money when I went out to put Rangoli.  I hesitated to take it. Then took it as if it were covered with sand; nobody could find it, and it would be wasted. The person who lost or dropped when going to the shop won't know where they lost it.

Task assigned - I got a task

I have to decide what to do with the money. I checked the currency and made sure it was good currency. I put it in my purse and took it with me when I went out

Heart knows 

If I see anybody who is in need of money and if my heart says to give it to them, I will give it to them. I decided that and I did not found anybody.

Wait for the instructions

Sometimes life gives surprising tasks. There will be a lesson with it. I need to wait patiently, and I waited.

At that time I know, it is tough to find a right person to give the money.

Kumbabishekam (also known as Samprokshanam) 

And I saw the information about Kumbabishekam in the temple that I go to daily on my morning walk. Most of the donations will be given on Kumbabishekam day. And I donated the money I found that day to the temple.

A messenger

I am just a messenger in this donation. When donating, I need to give some information about myself. And the person who was collecting donation asked me, when will I come to collect the prasadham. And he noted the time. He also said the female monk in the temple will keep it separately and she will give it to me. Most people should have collected theirs in the afternoon itself.

I went in the evening. My prashadam was packed. And the monk was waiting for me. She gave me a warm welcome and gave the Prasadham.

Task completed

I said to Lord Muruga, you should have come in my dream and asked for donation; I would have given you. Why this much drama? Then I understood; it is to make me to donate with the mindset of a messenger.

You are my fan

As I am not ready to become a devotee of any God, after seeing a few sincere efforts by Lord Muruga, I accepted him as my fan. lol. And I respect my fans. Devotees expect something from God, and I like smiling at him. Expectations will take away the smile.

Lesson

It takes effort to earn money, but it takes too much effort to find the right person or cause to donate it. And I thought it is better to start giving donations as a habit now itself. One can not do it when they die if it is not a habit.

A habit

This month I donated to the temple with the mindset of a messenger, not as a person who earned that money. I am going to make it a habit.

A small incident can change life, and I started a new habit from that task.

Difference

Before midlife, when I help or donated, I thought I was helping. Now I think I am finding the right cause to donate to or help, and it is helping me. I am doing it for myself.

Fish

 I like eating fish nowadays because it has many nutritional benefits. I recently started buying it myself.  I ordered for 500 gms fish, and when they weigh it showed 400 gms and they packed it. Since I was new, I asked them,  I ordered 500 gms, and you are giving me 400 gms, why? The shopkeeper explained that they had already cleaned the fish, removed its head and tail, that is why I am giving 400 gms. I understood the logic and said okay.

Next time I visited fish shop and they gave me cleaned fish 500 gms, did not reduce 100 gms for wastage. Maybe they wanted a regular customer. Moreover, they have to sell the fish when it is fresh.

Today I bought fish for my cat too.

I said to my cat, I hunted fish for you today when I gave it to the cat. lol. My cat enjoyed the fish and went to sleep after eating.

Now my cat will think I am a hunter. 😊

Follow up...

When I found the temple on my morning walk, to create a routine, I decided to visit it for one and a half months. I have completed it and was thinking about whether to visit the temple. Only then did I start to have different experiences. I can not write it like a ghost experience. lol.

 Every God has a vehicle(!) Lord Muruga has a peacock as his vehicle. I have never seen a peacock in my house. And that day, I saw a female peacock with its 2 peachicks. I was surprised. It was walking and was there for nearly one hour. I decided to go to temple that day.

The next day, I woke up to the Peacocok's sound. Daily, I started to see it in my house. Then I decided I would visit the temple till I decide whether to visit daily or not. lol. I was unable to list pros and cons for visiting the temple, as I don't have any expectations towards it. The solution is deciding to visit till I decide. lol.

Peacock's follow-up with me is very sincere. A very strict follow-up, which I have seen for the first time in my life. That week when I visited that temple, a kid who may be 5 or 6 welcomed me. When I entered the temple, he welcomed me, saying hi and hello with a smile. Everybody was surprised, even his family members. He talked to me as if he knew me. Some kids are like that, very friendly with strangers.

I think God in that temple has become my fan, as I smile at him daily. Imagine God's life. Daily devotees will come and ask something from God. I wont ask anything and just smile. So he is doing strict follow up with me. lol. 

Today I saw the married lady in the temple. We talked for a few minutes and showed me a  Shami tree. She said if we pray to it, our wishes will be granted to us.

Oh my God, I don;t have anything to ask. Another question which I don't have answer.

May be I can pray like, I will tell you when I know what to ask. lol.

Prayers will be fulfilled for ordinary people. Unicorns have a different family structure, and what works for ordinary people won't work for them.

Part 2 of funny...

 My neighbour is very particular about not taking leave. At year-end, she takes leave for a few days. This whole week, she was at home. I was surprised, but I didn't want to know the reason. I don't like to initiate any communication.

Her mother talked to me this morning. Explained they are at home because they got a one-day holiday! Who will take a whole week's leave when they get a one-day holiday in between?! What a logical explanation? She should have kept this logical reason to herself. lol

I am having a doubt that she is on leave for a few months. She is avoiding the training she has had to take for many years and is stuck in the same designation. This can not be postponed forever. A time will come when she will take leave, which will be followed by voluntary retirement. Being a female, she can postpone the voluntary retirement.

Anyhow, I would like her to continue working, as she won't have time to concentrate on people like me. lol. So, with all my heart, I wish her luck. After all, she needs it.

Funny...

 I did not think much about my neighbour. She came to her home today. I followed my routine as if I didn't care. And I did not expect her to contact me.

So I was surprised when I saw her message. She was asking whether we go for night show at the cinema. I don't go to night shows. I love my beauty sleep. And if I plan to watch a movie at night, it will be an adventure.

I like adventure. I like to watch ghost movies, as it will give a thrilling emotion with an increase in cortisol.

But I am not ready to watch a movie along with a ghost(I mean my neighbour) lol

Liking a ghost movie is different from watching a movie with a person whom I don't like.

The black puppy...

 I was walking in the morning that day. The street was a long one. I was walking from one end to the other. And I saw 2 males were walking from the other end towards me. With them was a small puppy. It was following them and when they chased it, it did not budge.

When I was nearing them, the puppy saw me and changed direction. It started to follow me. Talked to me in its language.(Most probably, it should have said it was willing to adopt me) It got happy and looked thrilled. It run before me and waiting for me, did a dance. lol 

I was nearing that other end of the street and I have to turn to the left. There I saw that puppy's father. Small puppy ignored it and tried to follow me. That black dog did not allow it.

I continued my walk went to the temple and returned on the same path. I saw the puppy running after a bike with another big dog. lol

After that day, I did not see that puppy. It has found a home for itself I guess.

Marriage or business deal?

 I liked that actress's movies from 2000 to 2010. She had a lot of fans. She was in love with her co-star for 8 years and married him. After marriage, she did not act for nearly 10 to 15 years. She was from the North State, and she became famous in South State and married a guy from the South.

Recently, for a few years, whenever she gave an interview, she always spoke bad about South. I was surprised; I did not understand her behaviour. Recently I saw an interview made by the couple.

The actress was saying, " When I was young, I got 3 times my husband's salary; now he is getting 30 times my salary. lol. I don't understand whether a husband and wife will measure their salaries against each other like this.

Salary in Cinema is decided by how the actors are accepted by the public. And she was saying, " My fans have become his fans in those days. The movies we paired was super hit and after marriage we did not get a chance to pair again"

Then I understood one thing. Mostly in Cinema industry, rumours make the actors famous. Both of them were in the limelight by creating an image that they had been in love for 8 years. They thought it boosted their career. They should have married, thinking their fan base would increase when they married. 

The actress should have thought that when she made a re-entry into cinema after 10 years of marriage, she would get the same acceptance. She did not get that and became bitter and started to blame south state cinema industry.

Most probably, their love was based on fan calculation. But in that calculation, they forgot their fans once they reach their mid age or 40s, they won't show the same enthusiasm towards movies when they were in their 20s.

But their marriage is intact, as both the actors think, their marriage is an investment in the cinema industry.  It will remain intact as it is a business deal.

Dreams and night mares...

 Sometimes dreams are nice, and sometimes they're nightmares.  Last night I had such dreams. I guess my brain was processing old memories. Betrayals by others were the theme yesterday. lol.

One nightmare, then I got up. I again fall asleep in few mins. Then again I got a similar concept dream. This happened like 3 or 4 times. 😟

Since my brain is healthy, I remember my dreams. I review my dreams once I get up. Betraying others is a person's habit or survival tactic. I can not change others. I can gain knowledge to protect myself from such people. 

Then I thought, why would I think about others and about the things I can not control?  The only thing in control is that I can avoid self-betrayal. 🌞

Today I will learn about it. 

Walking with Umbrella...

 Only very few people noticed the fire dust yesterday.  I was one of the few to notice it, and mostly I was the one who found comfort in wearing an old, comfortable dress. Sometimes wearing an old dress gives comfort and secured feeling.

The climate is hot from the morning itself. And I saw the married lady coming to the temple with an umbrella. Looks like an evening walk is better than a morning walk, or I have to go for a walk earlier in the morning.

This weekend I am going to write about marriage and the expectations...

It is from my observations by seeing the interview by few actors...

Fire dust and ash...

 I stepped out of the house in the evening as usual. And I noted a few things. There were white color ashes. Outside my house, I saw the ashes of a paper. I was surprised. I thought may be anybody in the neighbourhood burnt something. I was irritated by that thought. Why people are this stupid?

I continued to walk. And I saw the same white-coloured ash. Suddenly I felt as if I were walking near the volcano ash. Then I recollected that there is no volcano near my place. I walked nearly one km, and there was white ash. 

I started to buy things in shops. I heard a village lady complaining that her neighbour was burning waste things, and ash came all the way to her. lol.

I enquired with a shopkeeper. And he said there was a fire in a paper mill which was nearly 10 km away. He called the fire service to find out the reason, and they have given them the reason.

It was an ordinary day for many. But for the people who worked in that paper mill, everything has changed. Their lives took a complete turn today.

But changes bring growth. It happens for us to grow.

How I am going to become a devotee...

 People become devotees when their wishes are fulfilled or when they believe their wishes will come true when God bless them with boons.

I visit the temple during my morning walk to practise a contented smile while seeing God's face. I smile at him. lol. I light a lamp in the temple once a week. So the other devotees in the temple started to think I was a devotee. 

I  say hello to the old lady and a married lady usually. The married lady told me about a powerful song to sing for God. When talking to her, I understood that her native language is different from mine, but she is trying to sing the song, which is written in my native language.

I checked the song. Wow, it is full of tongue twisters. Writing a song with a grammatical rhyme is not easy. When listening to or singing it, I found that my brain's neurons are firing.

Now my family members will think that I have become a devotee. lol.

This is how I am becoming a devotee in others' eyes.

Only God can tell whether I am a devotee or not.

Coffee at Coffee day...

Yesterday I had the urge to have coffee at Coffee Day.  I don't know whether we have a Coffee Day shop in this city. I like the ambience in Coffee shops. It will feel like life is moving slowly inside the Coffee Shop. People will be relaxed and have Coffee without hurry.

Good ambience, cool climate, coffee, and nothing to do at that moment relax the mind like anything. Have you tried it?

Peacock University...

 Peacock University's results for the 1st semester were announced last week. Those who are already studying another degree at that University got pass mark and first marks. Students who bully others or create problems in class also got pass marks. Divorced ladies got grace marks too.

lol. Very predictable pattern.

2nd semester venue has changed. It will be conducted in another college; the number of classes has been reduced to half. Most probably, classes will be conducted by other college faculty. Peacock University professors have created a good(!) name, and it is one of the major reasons for stopping online classes.

My lovely neighbour got pass marks. I dont know why she is silent. Usually she create a scene and share photos in students group when submitting record and assignment.

Once I saw a potential in friendship with her. But within few interactions, I understood she is a stupid narcissist. Then I started to see her as a practice piece. And now she is not even a practise piece. lol.

Universities should create courses for the bored mid age people. It will become a good business and lot of people will attend it. 

Limitations...

 It was one of the fascinating observations I have made about myself. Once we shrink ourselves from certain things, it is not easy to go back to the normal stage.

Once I had fans for my dress and looks. Since I started working from home, my sense of dressing has become zero. And now my brain is stuck at some price level. Above that price level, my brain doesn't allow me to buy it. 

After trying to change my brain for a year, I accepted the fact that I can dress well in low budget. lol.

But the stitching cost went up in one year. Writing about the stitching cost, I understood the limitations of my tailor.

My tailor expects I will become fat and stitches the dress loose. Then I will have to alter it properly.  I have given my new dress for the 3rd time to be altered. It is making me tired. Instead of feeling joy when wearing a new dress, I have to find where to alter. lol. Sad story.

Anyway, I can write a series about my new clothes.

I think the tailor wants to work and stitch the dress loose lol

Opposite house

 Last year, at the same time, I was looking at the opposite house, which was being constructed that time. After construction, I got disappointed as it needed more time to maintain it, and I lost interest. To live in a spacious, good-looking house is on my wish list. 

The people who rented that house were very energetic in the beginning in maintaining the house. And nowadays they understand they are stupid to rent that house. lol

They acted as if they are the only rich people in the whole area at first, and now they feel they are the poor among us. lol.

To feel rich or poor is in the mindset.

The lady in the house doesn't talk to anybody. But watch what kolam I put daily. Every day she comes near the door to watch my dress when I go out for a walk.

Why doesn't she talk to anybody? I have my imagination.

She is the 2nd wife, and it is not her son in the house. It may be the 1st wife's son. That is the reason. lol.

I can not verify my imagination though.

 

The life coach...

 A few days ago, I was watching YT videos. One of the owners of an established bakery was giving an interview. Born in a village but went abroad after marriage and is now running a business successfully with her husband. I was impressed with the interview. I even watched it twice. The topic was general about life, marriage, husband, wife etc.

Since she went abroad and met people from different cultures, her knowledge was good. Her exposure to different people is more extensive, which resulted in a very good interview.

That one interview made her famous. She got another interview soon, and the title said she is a life coach. lol. Seeing the positive response for the 1st interview made her start a new business, "Life Coach".

2nd interview disappointed me. When talking about divorce, she was saying females are acting without maturity; their parents did not advise them properly. All divorce disputes can be solved if husband and wife talk over coffee(!!!!)

Her husband giving her equal or more rights does not mean the whole world is like that. She is talking from her experience, and it won't be suitable for all.

For personal problems, you can not give a common solution. Every individual's environment is different. Their personality is different.

Her intelligence was diminishing in each interview.  Usually, a person's talking style and intelligence won't deviate this much. I don't know why(Unless everything is scripted and written by somebody else to establish her as a life coach).

Life coach--- a disappointment.

A rare real story - Part 3 The true freedom

 I saw the old lady today. I can see the remarkable changes in her. Her face was more relaxed, as if she had got rid of the things that burdened her. Like always we exchanged few words with smile. Usually she would wear a scarf-like cloth to cover her neck.  Today it was not there. Then I understood.

Last time when I saw her, when she told me that she is single and never married, she removed her neck scarf and showed the chain she was wearing. From the chain a female wear, we can understand whether they are married or not. She looked at my face when she said she is single. I dont know what emotion my eyes showed, but I already know she don't have a husband. 

When I saw her today, I understood one thing. To avoid the society's trolling, she has never showed the world she is single. She covers her neck when she comes out. Last time, she saw my reaction, which encouraged her to show the world who she is. 

It is not like I changed her. She wanted to change herself and she has selected me to take the bold step.

I can not imagine how it will be to feel guilty for your existence, to feel guilty for being single, to shrink yourself infront of others.

She will be around 75 to 80, I really appreciate her bold move, to uncover her mask, to show the world who she is. To tell the world she is single and it is not her fault.

At any age a person can take a bold step. At any age a person can get rid of their pain.

First time I was seeing a person separating themselves from the pain they are carrying their full life.

It is good to see that, though it is an emotional thing for me. 

She got the real freedom now.

A rare real life story - Part 2

 You can read part 1 here.

The sacrifice

The promise

Freedom

Unknown sacrifice

A person who is sacrificed in the family won't understand they are the victim. Rather, they think they are helping their family and taking care of the family. But I can see a person in the past, present and future. A human being has the ability to justify what they did. Her family should have created an illusion that she is a dull, mad person and they are doing her favour by keeping her with them. This can result in isolation from the world, reduce confidence, and she should have believed there is something wrong with her. Only God wll know her sacrifice and the world and her family should have treated her bad.

And I thought, if there is a hell, I would get a job to fry these kind of people in oil pot.

The Promise

And she said to me, in a worried tone, you should marry a good guy. I replied, saying, whatever comes, I can face it. "Ego" is what kills love between 2 people. My brother's daughter married her colleague, but got divorced because of ego.  She touched my hand and said, it is very important for you to understand: you should not allow ego to come between you and your husband. The way she said it was like she was very sure of it. I can understand the urgency and seriousness in her voice. And with the same seriousness, I said I won't allow ego between me and my husband.  My voice sounds like a promise. 

Everybody needs a life partner. And life is meaningless without a partner, she said.

This is the strangest experience I've had recently. lol. 

The freedom

All her life she is living with her brother and her brother's wife is very rude it seems.  Whenever there is a fight old lady will think about going to an old-age home. Though I wanted to move out badly, it still remains as a dream she said.

Why she took time to say all these?

I can understand it. She is searching for an old-age home, and she can move out there any time. That is why she talked about all these things.

After all, she wants freedom.

Whether I will meet her again, or will meet her a few times, depends on when she joins an old-age home. Though she did not say that to me, I can predict she will do that.

Unicorns when they don't know who they are, will die thinking they are a defective human.

Her story made me upset, but I know collective consciousness will her and take care of her.

A rare real life story...

 I felt it was better to write it as early as possible instead of thinking about it. I don't know whether I can write fully in one post. 

The Unicorn

Injustice

The lie

The respect

I don't pray or expect anything from God when I go to the temple. I practise happy, content smile looking at the God's face. lol That is what I do daily in my morning walk.

Whenever I see the old lady, I smile and say a few words or wave at her. Last time, when I saw her, she said she could go out if her son took her out. I don't read her emotions. I just know she feels lonely. I understand people can be lonely even if they have family members at home.

Today when I go out for walking I met her. She was trying to decide whether to talk or not. And I said few unimportant words. lol. And she told me her life story. For the first time in my life, I listened without getting emotional(That is the power of being a narcissist slayer).

The Unicorn

She was born in a wealthy family. They had a big house, servants, a lot of properties. And the family's downfall started when her father resigned from his job. Only females from wealthy families got an education at that time. She got a good education and, to generate a steady income, she took a job. It is a rare thing for a female to work in late 1970s here.

She had an elder and a younger brother. She is the Unicorn. A rare female who did not think about her life.

The (unearned) respect

Only 2 were female in the company she worked. She worked in the same company for 30 years. People here are categorized based on their caste. Each caste will do a particular or specialized job. You can say they are specialist in that field. The caste I belong we are good administrators, business people and educators, including a chief minister. 

That company was owned by my caste people, and the manager was also from my caste. She was treated with respect and care. She asked my caste and I replied.

She at once make a gesture with hands 🙏 and said I am very grateful for the people I worked with and recollected her memories. The way she expressed it was like she is imagining/seeing her manager in me. This is the first time, I got a big respect for a thing which I did not do. lol. Getting respect from old people is not new when you have students as your fans. I don't know how I reacted or showed emotion in my face.

I did not do anything to get that respect.

Injustice

Though she earned money for her family, her whole life has become a sacrifice. Both her brothers got married. Her father gave his property to his elder son and he did not take care of his parents. Parents here still believe their sons are the protectors and girls are to be sacrificed.

In 1970, 1980s it is 100% a responsibilty of parents to look for a suitable groom for their daughter. 

I felt it was an injustice done to her by her family and siblings.

The lie

The old lady did not get married. She don't have a son. She don't like to say lie and may be felt it is better to tell the truth and said all these.

The remaining story will be published on the weekend.

My favourite house and the cute dogs.

 During my walk, I observe the architecture of the houses. Some houses are big, spacious, and have a garden. Can I give the title "The house" like how we submit essays in our school days?! lol.

A few houses make me curious too. Abandoned by the owners, though it looks strong and has signs of once thriving with a family in that area, they still have some life force in it.  Maybe the owners went abroad and did not think to come back.

It is rare to see a female name on the name board. That too in the old house. Before 20 years, it was really a big thing. The husband of the family has given equal rights(not exactly equal, as her name was below the male's name) to his wife, it seems. But that itself is a big thing. Not every female gets that recognition. I really admire the person who was bold enough to behave differently from society and put his wife's name on the name board. Many should have mocked him.

Opposite to that house is my favourite house(one of my favourites). They have a few pet dogs too. The colour paint combination of the house is good, and it has parking lots for the servants too. 

I don't know the breed of the dogs, but I like those dogs(one in particular). When I pass that house, I look at the dog, and the dog will act as if it doesn't look at me. Sometimes it gets confused about whether I am looking at the dog or at somebody behind it. lol.

I wanted to find out whether that dog observes me. I did not go near the house for a few days. After a few days I walked pass that house. And the dog was happy; it came running. lol 

Watching/observing is a time-pass activity for animals, especially for cats and dogs.

Mid life singer...

 Hormones change during midlife. The cell repair process will be messed up if you do not sleep well. Everybody says you will wake up at 3 and won't get sleep. Sugar fluctuations and cortisol spikes are the reasons. If you wake up due to a cortisol spike, your heartbeat will be fast, and most will think it is because of the problem they have in life. It is not.

When I go to the temple, the old lady's face will be the same every time I see her. But the lady who sings for half an hour in the temple, her face will be different every time. Sometimes it will be like a ghost has beaten her. And I have seen her changing footwear; this week it is new sandals. Most will think footwear is the reason for their leg pain. It may be a reason, but mostly it is because of the lack of nutrient absorption.

The above picture is not related to the article. lol... related to the title?!

Ladies who come to the temple, if they are in midlife, avoid climbing the steps as it will be painful for them. But the old lady climbs the steps, sits on the floor and gets up, though she has had 2 hip surgeries. I admire her for that. She said she gets pain in her bones if she doesn't walk or walks too much.

The singer lady, after the last interaction, tries to avoid me. lol. So I daily, I try to see her. Sometimes she looks tired, as if a ghost has slapped her. One should stop their performance at midlife. Otherwise, you will get ghost face. Performance takes too much energy for people pleasers and narcissists.

Life is interesting as I troll the people who troll me without much effort. lol

All the above symptoms can be cured if you do your own research.

Practice is a must...

 Hope you have read this

When I wrote that post, I  did not think that I would really get a follower. This week, I did not see her for a few days.  Then I saw her. This time she was wearing an ordinary slipper. Got tired of using sports shoes, I guess. lol

She was not punctual, and I wondered why. She herself said what she was doing. Next time she asked me, I saw you near that temple in your area. You did not come inside but continued walking. Why?" And I told her, I am not very religious to visit all the temples, and this temple doesn't slow down my pace in walking. She was looking for me in other temples. And she said something about her husband. She expected I feel jealous. I looked into her and thought, the people who get divorced will know about it after everybody knows. I also thought something is very wrong in her life as she is spending so much time in the temple. When a person is young, due to society's conditioning, they will think and visit the temple often. After midlife, most of them will understand that God can give opportunities. If we are ready, we will get the benefit. If we are not ready, we will learn a lesson and will get a delayed benefit. I don't know what my eyes reflected as I thought these things when I looked at her and saw the disappointment in her eyes. lol.

After all, in midlife, even our own body and mind have become like a strange thing, and who cares about other people's husbands?! It was like a 3-year-old kid showing another kid, see my toy, my toy is so pretty. lol.

I practice and improve my reactions by facing such people. If anybody tries to make you jealous, remember, they are feeling hollow and void and trying to fill it with others' emotions.

Lip liner sharpener

 I used pencils a long time ago, during my school days. And after so many years, I was trying new sharpeners for lip liner.

It is not easy to find the right cosmetics. You can find it by trial and error. At the same time, one cosmetics which is suitable for a person won't be suitable for another.

If the sharpener is not the right one, then the pencil will get wasted. Youtubers should put a video on finding a good sharpener for lip liners and crayons.

I have found an average sharpener and sharpened my lip liners. My make-up kit is ready.

Cosmetics companies make big money because of useless sharpeners, as the pencil will be over soon, and ladies will buy more. That is why there is no proper sharpener for lip liners and crayons.