Fish

 I like eating fish nowadays because it has many nutritional benefits. I recently started buying it myself.  I ordered for 500 gms fish, and when they weigh it showed 400 gms and they packed it. Since I was new, I asked them,  I ordered 500 gms, and you are giving me 400 gms, why? The shopkeeper explained that they had already cleaned the fish, removed its head and tail, that is why I am giving 400 gms. I understood the logic and said okay.

Next time I visited fish shop and they gave me cleaned fish 500 gms, did not reduce 100 gms for wastage. Maybe they wanted a regular customer. Moreover, they have to sell the fish when it is fresh.

Today I bought fish for my cat too.

I said to my cat, I hunted fish for you today when I gave it to the cat. lol. My cat enjoyed the fish and went to sleep after eating.

Now my cat will think I am a hunter. 😊

Follow up...

When I found the temple on my morning walk, to create a routine, I decided to visit it for one and a half months. I have completed it and was thinking about whether to visit the temple. Only then did I start to have different experiences. I can not write it like a ghost experience. lol.

 Every God has a vehicle(!) Lord Muruga has a peacock as his vehicle. I have never seen a peacock in my house. And that day, I saw a female peacock with its 2 peachicks. I was surprised. It was walking and was there for nearly one hour. I decided to go to temple that day.

The next day, I woke up to the Peacocok's sound. Daily, I started to see it in my house. Then I decided I would visit the temple till I decide whether to visit daily or not. lol. I was unable to list pros and cons for visiting the temple, as I don't have any expectations towards it. The solution is deciding to visit till I decide. lol.

Peacock's follow-up with me is very sincere. A very strict follow-up, which I have seen for the first time in my life. That week when I visited that temple, a kid who may be 5 or 6 welcomed me. When I entered the temple, he welcomed me, saying hi and hello with a smile. Everybody was surprised, even his family members. He talked to me as if he knew me. Some kids are like that, very friendly with strangers.

I think God in that temple has become my fan, as I smile at him daily. Imagine God's life. Daily devotees will come and ask something from God. I wont ask anything and just smile. So he is doing strict follow up with me. lol. 

Today I saw the married lady in the temple. We talked for a few minutes and showed me a  Shami tree. She said if we pray to it, our wishes will be granted to us.

Oh my God, I don;t have anything to ask. Another question which I don't have answer.

May be I can pray like, I will tell you when I know what to ask. lol.

Prayers will be fulfilled for ordinary people. Unicorns have a different family structure, and what works for ordinary people won't work for them.

Part 2 of funny...

 My neighbour is very particular about not taking leave. At year-end, she takes leave for a few days. This whole week, she was at home. I was surprised, but I didn't want to know the reason. I don't like to initiate any communication.

Her mother talked to me this morning. Explained they are at home because they got a one-day holiday! Who will take a whole week's leave when they get a one-day holiday in between?! What a logical explanation? She should have kept this logical reason to herself. lol

I am having a doubt that she is on leave for a few months. She is avoiding the training she has had to take for many years and is stuck in the same designation. This can not be postponed forever. A time will come when she will take leave, which will be followed by voluntary retirement. Being a female, she can postpone the voluntary retirement.

Anyhow, I would like her to continue working, as she won't have time to concentrate on people like me. lol. So, with all my heart, I wish her luck. After all, she needs it.

Funny...

 I did not think much about my neighbour. She came to her home today. I followed my routine as if I didn't care. And I did not expect her to contact me.

So I was surprised when I saw her message. She was asking whether we go for night show at the cinema. I don't go to night shows. I love my beauty sleep. And if I plan to watch a movie at night, it will be an adventure.

I like adventure. I like to watch ghost movies, as it will give a thrilling emotion with an increase in cortisol.

But I am not ready to watch a movie along with a ghost(I mean my neighbour) lol

Liking a ghost movie is different from watching a movie with a person whom I don't like.

The black puppy...

 I was walking in the morning that day. The street was a long one. I was walking from one end to the other. And I saw 2 males were walking from the other end towards me. With them was a small puppy. It was following them and when they chased it, it did not budge.

When I was nearing them, the puppy saw me and changed direction. It started to follow me. Talked to me in its language.(Most probably, it should have said it was willing to adopt me) It got happy and looked thrilled. It run before me and waiting for me, did a dance. lol 

I was nearing that other end of the street and I have to turn to the left. There I saw that puppy's father. Small puppy ignored it and tried to follow me. That black dog did not allow it.

I continued my walk went to the temple and returned on the same path. I saw the puppy running after a bike with another big dog. lol

After that day, I did not see that puppy. It has found a home for itself I guess.

Marriage or business deal?

 I liked that actress's movies from 2000 to 2010. She had a lot of fans. She was in love with her co-star for 8 years and married him. After marriage, she did not act for nearly 10 to 15 years. She was from the North State, and she became famous in South State and married a guy from the South.

Recently, for a few years, whenever she gave an interview, she always spoke bad about South. I was surprised; I did not understand her behaviour. Recently I saw an interview made by the couple.

The actress was saying, " When I was young, I got 3 times my husband's salary; now he is getting 30 times my salary. lol. I don't understand whether a husband and wife will measure their salaries against each other like this.

Salary in Cinema is decided by how the actors are accepted by the public. And she was saying, " My fans have become his fans in those days. The movies we paired was super hit and after marriage we did not get a chance to pair again"

Then I understood one thing. Mostly in Cinema industry, rumours make the actors famous. Both of them were in the limelight by creating an image that they had been in love for 8 years. They thought it boosted their career. They should have married, thinking their fan base would increase when they married. 

The actress should have thought that when she made a re-entry into cinema after 10 years of marriage, she would get the same acceptance. She did not get that and became bitter and started to blame south state cinema industry.

Most probably, their love was based on fan calculation. But in that calculation, they forgot their fans once they reach their mid age or 40s, they won't show the same enthusiasm towards movies when they were in their 20s.

But their marriage is intact, as both the actors think, their marriage is an investment in the cinema industry.  It will remain intact as it is a business deal.

Dreams and night mares...

 Sometimes dreams are nice, and sometimes they're nightmares.  Last night I had such dreams. I guess my brain was processing old memories. Betrayals by others were the theme yesterday. lol.

One nightmare, then I got up. I again fall asleep in few mins. Then again I got a similar concept dream. This happened like 3 or 4 times. 😟

Since my brain is healthy, I remember my dreams. I review my dreams once I get up. Betraying others is a person's habit or survival tactic. I can not change others. I can gain knowledge to protect myself from such people. 

Then I thought, why would I think about others and about the things I can not control?  The only thing in control is that I can avoid self-betrayal. 🌞

Today I will learn about it. 

Walking with Umbrella...

 Only very few people noticed the fire dust yesterday.  I was one of the few to notice it, and mostly I was the one who found comfort in wearing an old, comfortable dress. Sometimes wearing an old dress gives comfort and secured feeling.

The climate is hot from the morning itself. And I saw the married lady coming to the temple with an umbrella. Looks like an evening walk is better than a morning walk, or I have to go for a walk earlier in the morning.

This weekend I am going to write about marriage and the expectations...

It is from my observations by seeing the interview by few actors...

Fire dust and ash...

 I stepped out of the house in the evening as usual. And I noted a few things. There were white color ashes. Outside my house, I saw the ashes of a paper. I was surprised. I thought may be anybody in the neighbourhood burnt something. I was irritated by that thought. Why people are this stupid?

I continued to walk. And I saw the same white-coloured ash. Suddenly I felt as if I were walking near the volcano ash. Then I recollected that there is no volcano near my place. I walked nearly one km, and there was white ash. 

I started to buy things in shops. I heard a village lady complaining that her neighbour was burning waste things, and ash came all the way to her. lol.

I enquired with a shopkeeper. And he said there was a fire in a paper mill which was nearly 10 km away. He called the fire service to find out the reason, and they have given them the reason.

It was an ordinary day for many. But for the people who worked in that paper mill, everything has changed. Their lives took a complete turn today.

But changes bring growth. It happens for us to grow.

How I am going to become a devotee...

 People become devotees when their wishes are fulfilled or when they believe their wishes will come true when God bless them with boons.

I visit the temple during my morning walk to practise a contented smile while seeing God's face. I smile at him. lol. I light a lamp in the temple once a week. So the other devotees in the temple started to think I was a devotee. 

I  say hello to the old lady and a married lady usually. The married lady told me about a powerful song to sing for God. When talking to her, I understood that her native language is different from mine, but she is trying to sing the song, which is written in my native language.

I checked the song. Wow, it is full of tongue twisters. Writing a song with a grammatical rhyme is not easy. When listening to or singing it, I found that my brain's neurons are firing.

Now my family members will think that I have become a devotee. lol.

This is how I am becoming a devotee in others' eyes.

Only God can tell whether I am a devotee or not.

Coffee at Coffee day...

Yesterday I had the urge to have coffee at Coffee Day.  I don't know whether we have a Coffee Day shop in this city. I like the ambience in Coffee shops. It will feel like life is moving slowly inside the Coffee Shop. People will be relaxed and have Coffee without hurry.

Good ambience, cool climate, coffee, and nothing to do at that moment relax the mind like anything. Have you tried it?

Peacock University...

 Peacock University's results for the 1st semester were announced last week. Those who are already studying another degree at that University got pass mark and first marks. Students who bully others or create problems in class also got pass marks. Divorced ladies got grace marks too.

lol. Very predictable pattern.

2nd semester venue has changed. It will be conducted in another college; the number of classes has been reduced to half. Most probably, classes will be conducted by other college faculty. Peacock University professors have created a good(!) name, and it is one of the major reasons for stopping online classes.

My lovely neighbour got pass marks. I dont know why she is silent. Usually she create a scene and share photos in students group when submitting record and assignment.

Once I saw a potential in friendship with her. But within few interactions, I understood she is a stupid narcissist. Then I started to see her as a practice piece. And now she is not even a practise piece. lol.

Universities should create courses for the bored mid age people. It will become a good business and lot of people will attend it. 

Limitations...

 It was one of the fascinating observations I have made about myself. Once we shrink ourselves from certain things, it is not easy to go back to the normal stage.

Once I had fans for my dress and looks. Since I started working from home, my sense of dressing has become zero. And now my brain is stuck at some price level. Above that price level, my brain doesn't allow me to buy it. 

After trying to change my brain for a year, I accepted the fact that I can dress well in low budget. lol.

But the stitching cost went up in one year. Writing about the stitching cost, I understood the limitations of my tailor.

My tailor expects I will become fat and stitches the dress loose. Then I will have to alter it properly.  I have given my new dress for the 3rd time to be altered. It is making me tired. Instead of feeling joy when wearing a new dress, I have to find where to alter. lol. Sad story.

Anyway, I can write a series about my new clothes.

I think the tailor wants to work and stitch the dress loose lol

Opposite house

 Last year, at the same time, I was looking at the opposite house, which was being constructed that time. After construction, I got disappointed as it needed more time to maintain it, and I lost interest. To live in a spacious, good-looking house is on my wish list. 

The people who rented that house were very energetic in the beginning in maintaining the house. And nowadays they understand they are stupid to rent that house. lol

They acted as if they are the only rich people in the whole area at first, and now they feel they are the poor among us. lol.

To feel rich or poor is in the mindset.

The lady in the house doesn't talk to anybody. But watch what kolam I put daily. Every day she comes near the door to watch my dress when I go out for a walk.

Why doesn't she talk to anybody? I have my imagination.

She is the 2nd wife, and it is not her son in the house. It may be the 1st wife's son. That is the reason. lol.

I can not verify my imagination though.

 

The life coach...

 A few days ago, I was watching YT videos. One of the owners of an established bakery was giving an interview. Born in a village but went abroad after marriage and is now running a business successfully with her husband. I was impressed with the interview. I even watched it twice. The topic was general about life, marriage, husband, wife etc.

Since she went abroad and met people from different cultures, her knowledge was good. Her exposure to different people is more extensive, which resulted in a very good interview.

That one interview made her famous. She got another interview soon, and the title said she is a life coach. lol. Seeing the positive response for the 1st interview made her start a new business, "Life Coach".

2nd interview disappointed me. When talking about divorce, she was saying females are acting without maturity; their parents did not advise them properly. All divorce disputes can be solved if husband and wife talk over coffee(!!!!)

Her husband giving her equal or more rights does not mean the whole world is like that. She is talking from her experience, and it won't be suitable for all.

For personal problems, you can not give a common solution. Every individual's environment is different. Their personality is different.

Her intelligence was diminishing in each interview.  Usually, a person's talking style and intelligence won't deviate this much. I don't know why(Unless everything is scripted and written by somebody else to establish her as a life coach).

Life coach--- a disappointment.

A rare real story - Part 3 The true freedom

 I saw the old lady today. I can see the remarkable changes in her. Her face was more relaxed, as if she had got rid of the things that burdened her. Like always we exchanged few words with smile. Usually she would wear a scarf-like cloth to cover her neck.  Today it was not there. Then I understood.

Last time when I saw her, when she told me that she is single and never married, she removed her neck scarf and showed the chain she was wearing. From the chain a female wear, we can understand whether they are married or not. She looked at my face when she said she is single. I dont know what emotion my eyes showed, but I already know she don't have a husband. 

When I saw her today, I understood one thing. To avoid the society's trolling, she has never showed the world she is single. She covers her neck when she comes out. Last time, she saw my reaction, which encouraged her to show the world who she is. 

It is not like I changed her. She wanted to change herself and she has selected me to take the bold step.

I can not imagine how it will be to feel guilty for your existence, to feel guilty for being single, to shrink yourself infront of others.

She will be around 75 to 80, I really appreciate her bold move, to uncover her mask, to show the world who she is. To tell the world she is single and it is not her fault.

At any age a person can take a bold step. At any age a person can get rid of their pain.

First time I was seeing a person separating themselves from the pain they are carrying their full life.

It is good to see that, though it is an emotional thing for me. 

She got the real freedom now.

A rare real life story - Part 2

 You can read part 1 here.

The sacrifice

The promise

Freedom

Unknown sacrifice

A person who is sacrificed in the family won't understand they are the victim. Rather, they think they are helping their family and taking care of the family. But I can see a person in the past, present and future. A human being has the ability to justify what they did. Her family should have created an illusion that she is a dull, mad person and they are doing her favour by keeping her with them. This can result in isolation from the world, reduce confidence, and she should have believed there is something wrong with her. Only God wll know her sacrifice and the world and her family should have treated her bad.

And I thought, if there is a hell, I would get a job to fry these kind of people in oil pot.

The Promise

And she said to me, in a worried tone, you should marry a good guy. I replied, saying, whatever comes, I can face it. "Ego" is what kills love between 2 people. My brother's daughter married her colleague, but got divorced because of ego.  She touched my hand and said, it is very important for you to understand: you should not allow ego to come between you and your husband. The way she said it was like she was very sure of it. I can understand the urgency and seriousness in her voice. And with the same seriousness, I said I won't allow ego between me and my husband.  My voice sounds like a promise. 

Everybody needs a life partner. And life is meaningless without a partner, she said.

This is the strangest experience I've had recently. lol. 

The freedom

All her life she is living with her brother and her brother's wife is very rude it seems.  Whenever there is a fight old lady will think about going to an old-age home. Though I wanted to move out badly, it still remains as a dream she said.

Why she took time to say all these?

I can understand it. She is searching for an old-age home, and she can move out there any time. That is why she talked about all these things.

After all, she wants freedom.

Whether I will meet her again, or will meet her a few times, depends on when she joins an old-age home. Though she did not say that to me, I can predict she will do that.

Unicorns when they don't know who they are, will die thinking they are a defective human.

Her story made me upset, but I know collective consciousness will her and take care of her.

A rare real life story...

 I felt it was better to write it as early as possible instead of thinking about it. I don't know whether I can write fully in one post. 

The Unicorn

Injustice

The lie

The respect

I don't pray or expect anything from God when I go to the temple. I practise happy, content smile looking at the God's face. lol That is what I do daily in my morning walk.

Whenever I see the old lady, I smile and say a few words or wave at her. Last time, when I saw her, she said she could go out if her son took her out. I don't read her emotions. I just know she feels lonely. I understand people can be lonely even if they have family members at home.

Today when I go out for walking I met her. She was trying to decide whether to talk or not. And I said few unimportant words. lol. And she told me her life story. For the first time in my life, I listened without getting emotional(That is the power of being a narcissist slayer).

The Unicorn

She was born in a wealthy family. They had a big house, servants, a lot of properties. And the family's downfall started when her father resigned from his job. Only females from wealthy families got an education at that time. She got a good education and, to generate a steady income, she took a job. It is a rare thing for a female to work in late 1970s here.

She had an elder and a younger brother. She is the Unicorn. A rare female who did not think about her life.

The (unearned) respect

Only 2 were female in the company she worked. She worked in the same company for 30 years. People here are categorized based on their caste. Each caste will do a particular or specialized job. You can say they are specialist in that field. The caste I belong we are good administrators, business people and educators, including a chief minister. 

That company was owned by my caste people, and the manager was also from my caste. She was treated with respect and care. She asked my caste and I replied.

She at once make a gesture with hands 🙏 and said I am very grateful for the people I worked with and recollected her memories. The way she expressed it was like she is imagining/seeing her manager in me. This is the first time, I got a big respect for a thing which I did not do. lol. Getting respect from old people is not new when you have students as your fans. I don't know how I reacted or showed emotion in my face.

I did not do anything to get that respect.

Injustice

Though she earned money for her family, her whole life has become a sacrifice. Both her brothers got married. Her father gave his property to his elder son and he did not take care of his parents. Parents here still believe their sons are the protectors and girls are to be sacrificed.

In 1970, 1980s it is 100% a responsibilty of parents to look for a suitable groom for their daughter. 

I felt it was an injustice done to her by her family and siblings.

The lie

The old lady did not get married. She don't have a son. She don't like to say lie and may be felt it is better to tell the truth and said all these.

The remaining story will be published on the weekend.

My favourite house and the cute dogs.

 During my walk, I observe the architecture of the houses. Some houses are big, spacious, and have a garden. Can I give the title "The house" like how we submit essays in our school days?! lol.

A few houses make me curious too. Abandoned by the owners, though it looks strong and has signs of once thriving with a family in that area, they still have some life force in it.  Maybe the owners went abroad and did not think to come back.

It is rare to see a female name on the name board. That too in the old house. Before 20 years, it was really a big thing. The husband of the family has given equal rights(not exactly equal, as her name was below the male's name) to his wife, it seems. But that itself is a big thing. Not every female gets that recognition. I really admire the person who was bold enough to behave differently from society and put his wife's name on the name board. Many should have mocked him.

Opposite to that house is my favourite house(one of my favourites). They have a few pet dogs too. The colour paint combination of the house is good, and it has parking lots for the servants too. 

I don't know the breed of the dogs, but I like those dogs(one in particular). When I pass that house, I look at the dog, and the dog will act as if it doesn't look at me. Sometimes it gets confused about whether I am looking at the dog or at somebody behind it. lol.

I wanted to find out whether that dog observes me. I did not go near the house for a few days. After a few days I walked pass that house. And the dog was happy; it came running. lol 

Watching/observing is a time-pass activity for animals, especially for cats and dogs.

Mid life singer...

 Hormones change during midlife. The cell repair process will be messed up if you do not sleep well. Everybody says you will wake up at 3 and won't get sleep. Sugar fluctuations and cortisol spikes are the reasons. If you wake up due to a cortisol spike, your heartbeat will be fast, and most will think it is because of the problem they have in life. It is not.

When I go to the temple, the old lady's face will be the same every time I see her. But the lady who sings for half an hour in the temple, her face will be different every time. Sometimes it will be like a ghost has beaten her. And I have seen her changing footwear; this week it is new sandals. Most will think footwear is the reason for their leg pain. It may be a reason, but mostly it is because of the lack of nutrient absorption.

The above picture is not related to the article. lol... related to the title?!

Ladies who come to the temple, if they are in midlife, avoid climbing the steps as it will be painful for them. But the old lady climbs the steps, sits on the floor and gets up, though she has had 2 hip surgeries. I admire her for that. She said she gets pain in her bones if she doesn't walk or walks too much.

The singer lady, after the last interaction, tries to avoid me. lol. So I daily, I try to see her. Sometimes she looks tired, as if a ghost has slapped her. One should stop their performance at midlife. Otherwise, you will get ghost face. Performance takes too much energy for people pleasers and narcissists.

Life is interesting as I troll the people who troll me without much effort. lol

All the above symptoms can be cured if you do your own research.

Practice is a must...

 Hope you have read this

When I wrote that post, I  did not think that I would really get a follower. This week, I did not see her for a few days.  Then I saw her. This time she was wearing an ordinary slipper. Got tired of using sports shoes, I guess. lol

She was not punctual, and I wondered why. She herself said what she was doing. Next time she asked me, I saw you near that temple in your area. You did not come inside but continued walking. Why?" And I told her, I am not very religious to visit all the temples, and this temple doesn't slow down my pace in walking. She was looking for me in other temples. And she said something about her husband. She expected I feel jealous. I looked into her and thought, the people who get divorced will know about it after everybody knows. I also thought something is very wrong in her life as she is spending so much time in the temple. When a person is young, due to society's conditioning, they will think and visit the temple often. After midlife, most of them will understand that God can give opportunities. If we are ready, we will get the benefit. If we are not ready, we will learn a lesson and will get a delayed benefit. I don't know what my eyes reflected as I thought these things when I looked at her and saw the disappointment in her eyes. lol.

After all, in midlife, even our own body and mind have become like a strange thing, and who cares about other people's husbands?! It was like a 3-year-old kid showing another kid, see my toy, my toy is so pretty. lol.

I practice and improve my reactions by facing such people. If anybody tries to make you jealous, remember, they are feeling hollow and void and trying to fill it with others' emotions.

Lip liner sharpener

 I used pencils a long time ago, during my school days. And after so many years, I was trying new sharpeners for lip liner.

It is not easy to find the right cosmetics. You can find it by trial and error. At the same time, one cosmetics which is suitable for a person won't be suitable for another.

If the sharpener is not the right one, then the pencil will get wasted. Youtubers should put a video on finding a good sharpener for lip liners and crayons.

I have found an average sharpener and sharpened my lip liners. My make-up kit is ready.

Cosmetics companies make big money because of useless sharpeners, as the pencil will be over soon, and ladies will buy more. That is why there is no proper sharpener for lip liners and crayons.

I am ready to adopt you...

 The title is translated from the cat's meow. lol. Yesterday morning, when I woke up, a small kitten was sitting on my compound wall. It started to talk to me continuously. I translated it. It was saying I am ready to adopt you. Look, I am very cute. You have so many benefits.

My cat, which is grown now, is standing near me. I don't dare to cross my cat. I am not that brave. lol.

I said to the kitten, I already have a cat. Sorry, you can not adopt me.

Kitten was persistent. After a few minutes, it entered my house, and my cat showed its true colors. It became a warrior in a second and chased that kitten.

I already gave a warning to the kitten, but it needed a lesson.

A few days before, a small puppy also did the same thing. At that time, my cat was not there. I managed to chase that dog away. I was afraid that if my cat saw it, it would kill and eat it. 

My cat is a hunter. Bravest cat I ever had. Each cat I have had has a different personality.

Total freedom...

 I attended a baby shower today. Baby shower for Goddess in the morning. Usually, in temples, the blessed bangles are given to devotees in the evening. It is a belief that all your wishes will come true if you get it. Every year I get it from the temple in the evening. Did my dreams come true? Certainly not.

This year, I changed the tradition I follow. I bought so many bangles and gave the Goddess as an offering. And I was behaved as if I came for my friend's baby shower. Did not go to the temple in the evening to get the bangles.

True freedom is when you did not expect anything from the almighty God. And I got freedom today.

Self dependent with out expecting anything from anybody is freedom. What is freedom in your point of view?

A kind gesture...

 Today I started my morning walk very late as I felt like having a relaxing walk. I reached the temple and saw the old lady praying. I can sense her sadness. Maybe she was crying. I went near her, and I started to pray. Whatever sadness she had, it was interpreted by my presence. I left after a few seconds as I don't want to disturb her, but I know I already stopped her flow state of being sad. I know she is wise enough to see other people's problems. And when she saw me, she would get distracted by imagining the problems I have. lol.

Old people feel sad about a few things. Health, family members who don't understand them and loneliness. I felt like I should give her a warm smile at least. I changed my walking route and walked in the area near the temple. And returned towards the temple. I saw her coming out of the temple. 

She smiled at me and cracked a joke about me coming late to the temple. We both smiled and said a few words. I like this kind of ending to a scenario. We are both kind towards each other at that moment. We did not share our burdens, but gave a smile.

I came home and talked to everybody. I learned a lesson. I don't like to be a person who thinks others don't understand me. Instead, I can understand others. And I can talk to them after scolding or fighting with them. 

Past and present...

 That day I went out of the house. I did not plan where to go. Just walked and went towards the place where I got the sudden feeling to go. At that time, I felt someone looking at me. And I turned. I saw my ex-colleague.  When I turned, she just pretended to look at the other side. 

When I worked with her, she was the calm one among others, won't talk with anybody. I was thinking about what to do. I can talk, or I can continue to walk. I had a few seconds to decide.  And I thought, I don't have anything in common with her now. If I talk with her, she can feel bad for the things that I did not get in my life or life's experience has changed her to have a tough and rude mind. I just walked, did not talk. She is an extreme introvert, and I don't want to give her too many things to think. lol.

With relatives and old friends, I feel this nowadays. After a certain age, we change as per our life's experiences. If there is no bond, then it is just a vacuum. And if there is nothing common to hold the bond, then it doesn't have any future. We can pretend as if we care for others, but truly, we are strangers. I don't spend too much of my energy on such occasions. 

Relatives, ex-colleagues, and friends become strangers, and it needs a strong common factor to develop a bond after a certain age. One of the painful truths about life is that. That is why I am my own friend. lol.

I got a follower...

 Next part of this one

I went to that temple during my daily walk. I like the calm, happy and content smile of that God. How can a God have this kind of smile when he is the commander-in-chief of the celestial armies? Every day I ask him this question. lol So he gave me a few situations to understand it.

Since this is the next part, we will continue with the "another lady". Since she asked a very stupid question of me, and as I know the capacity of her and my own darkness, I started to treat her as an unknown person. People test others' boundaries with stupid questions. Even I can ask her a stupid question, "How many grand children you have?" lol

I went earlier to avoid her, and after a few days, she came earlier wearing specs. I pretended I could not identify her. She pretended that she could not see properly without specs and asked a stupid question. Most females try to copy others to prove they are smart.

She tried to copy my walking shoes. Mine is very comfortable to walk and it can be used as office wear. She bought a sports walking shoe and wears it with socks. I nearly laughed seeing that. In this hot climate, that will be very tough. Then she bought another one, but still it was similar to a sports shoe. 😇

I liked that game, and now I have started to change my ear studs to make her jealous. She came yesterday without specs and tried to talk to me. I replied with one word and gave a slight smile, and did not stop to talk to her. When a person shows their darkness, I don't look for further proof; I accept it on the 1st try.

Her behaviour was a bit strange. She is singing in front of God for 30 minutes daily. It is really tough to find time to walk in the morning, but if she is spending more time outside in the morning means she is not living with her husband. May be separated or divorced, or applied for divorce. But these divorced ladies wear all the ornaments like a married woman to avoid society's trolls.

Her singing is not good, so praying to God is a bit tough. But I will find a way to overcome it. Maintaining balance irrespective of the situation is what I am learning now.

At this rate, I have to plan what to wear for a walk the previous day itself to save time.

See the image, anything special in it?

 This is what I thought when I saw that lady's reaction.

As I don't like to be followed by goats and cows, I changed my walking route to residential areas where I can walk in a place with trees on both sides. And that is how I found that temple.

I usually smile when I see any female in the temple. After a few days of smiling, usually people like to go to the next level. That is talking about why they visit the temple and all.

One old lady asked me why you are visiting this temple when you have temples near your house. And I said here God's face is beautiful. That's why. lol. Then I added that seeing God's face, my mind becomes calm. The old lady blessed me. 

Another day, another lady entered the temple when I was leaving. She looked at my legin and I could see her jealousy. She wanted to start a conversation and asked what is your husband doing? You don't have to be Sherlock Homes to know whether a female is married or not. I said I am not married. I understand she asked that question to make me upset. At that time a female monk came near us. She should have thought to rescue me. We asked the temple open and close time from her. Then that lady asked me what work you are doing. I answered in a few words and said I have to start my work in a few minutes and see you some other time. I made her feel that I was financially independent, but she is not.

I find a similarity between my neighbour narcissist in her.

Narcissist always start with a question to prove that they have something special which we don't have. Though I did not think too much at that time, I made her feel she didn't have everything. lol. That is why I am a narcissist slayer.

Anybody can buy and wear a legin, what is there to feel jealous? I don't understand.

I changed my time slot a bit earlier to visit the temple so that I will be free from these talks. But once in a while I plan to visit when they visit as it is really interesting to see people's emotion when they see a stranger.

Myths or Facts?

 Sometimes I think a lot. Now also I was thinking what to write as I have so many things. But I can choose only a few.

I learned a lot about my personality type from the internet. It says my type of people are visionaries, long-term thinkers. I don't know whether I think like that. But I thought, let me try it anyway. I selected my specimen(naricssist neighbour for that). lol.

As usual, she only talks about something. And last time she asked about Peacock University. I told her that I am trying for this job at my company, so I cannot continue my studies at Peacock University. I am already in that job; she doesn't know that, though. I will tell stories about my hardwork in getting qualified for it if she continues to communicate with me. And finally I will tell her I got the job. This is how I think in the long term. 😊 Start by using this technique to look like a Long term thinker/ Visionary. It is like copying a technique, till you gain expertise in it to have a uniqueness.

Everybody likes my personality type?!

Nope... A big no. Most people are insecure about themselves. And when they come near me, they can feel they are less than me and start to hate me in seconds, especially a narcissist. My growth as a person developed when I accepted the fact that I can not please everybody and feel okay if a person doesn't like me.

Did babies and animals get attracted to me and calm when I am near?

Yes, as they see me as a potential candidate to dominate. 😇

When I started walking as a daily ritual, I walked in the places where goats eat grass. One day all the goats started to follow me. I thought, oh my God, goats are thinking I am Jesus. lol. Most of the pictures I saw, Jesus was holding a goat in his lap. 

As the goats are following me, I feel like a pied piper. I wanted to check whether the goats can hear my mind voice. I told myself, "I had mutton yesterday. I can eat you too" No reaction from them. lol 

Then I understand, they are watching me daily and they can identify me. Since I am familiar to them they followed me to know how it feels to walk without grazing.

My personality type is humble

Yes. Even goats can identify me. But I can see them as black sheep, white sheep. And goats are more brilliant than me in a very few ways, as I can not identify them by their face. 😇 This way, the Universe humbles me always.

I found you...

 Shadow integration is not an easy thing. Most people will integrate their light side. Very few will integrate their dark. Life is a mess if the integration is not proper. That is why many find it tough to handle their life in their mid-ages.

During my childhood, I was fond of a friendly God. We have temples for him everywhere. Once I started to integrate shadow, I felt an attraction towards the commander-in-chief of the celestial armies. But I don't want to travel to famous temples to meet him. lol.

I was thinking I should find a temple near me where I can walk. During my walk I saw a temple, but thought it would be the friendly God. I walked past it for two days without giving a second thought. And 3rd day when I crossed the temple, the sun's rays struck his weapon and bounced back in a dazzling shimmer. I noticed it. I entered the temple and saw him. Viola, he is the same one as per my expectation. And I said to him, "I found you" with a smile.(Of course, it is a mind voice). And he said, I wanted you to find me. 😇

People ask so many things from God. But I use this ritual to remind me daily about individuation. Finding this small temple pulled some old memories.

Monks. I have met the monks. Jay Shetty(author of think like a monk) and The monk who sold his Ferrari have met monks. But their experience is entirely different.

To me, monks are ordinary human beings like us. They choose to be a monk as a major life decision. They belong to private missions or organisations. They work in missions. They also have competition, designation, ego etc. I remember the sadhu(monk) who built the temple. He visited our house once. Later came to know he resigned from that organization as he did not get a promotion. He joined another organisation later. I have heard his lectures about "karma yoga" from Bhagavad Gita. Lord Krishna said "do your duty, don't expect any reward". 

If you blindly follow it, everybody will give their duty to you, and finally, you will become a narcissistic slayer like me. What is your duty? Where you can expect reward? Where you can not expect reward? That understanding comes from experience and your life's situation and environment.

I am grateful for the monk who built that temple. It helps me to think about the integration of male energy perfectly.

How a narcissist handle a rejection?

 I don't know if this is the right title. This is the next part of this post

Some teachers have ethics. They don't give zero marks to any students as it will make the student believe incapable in studies. I have never given zero when I taught. My shadow side wanted to give zero. Whenever I meet a narcissist, I find it thrilling to give zero to their efforts.

I don't want to have any contact with my narcissistic neighbour. Last time I told her, I could not help her. I know she will try again. Actually, she doesn't need help; it can be solved easily in other ways without depending on anybody. But to improve her narcissistic ability, she asked for help. Anyhow, she tried in a different way yesterday. She sent her father to convince me. I explained logically why I can not help. I don't accept guilt trips or any other tactics.

I really don't understand why people ask for help when it is not necessary?! It is a kind of act to make the other person submissive. If she has a problem, she has to solve it. It is not my duty to help her to solve it. Usually, she and her mom will go for a walk and talk to others. This time they did not come out. That is very strange.

Even my family members wanted to help, but I told them I stopped helping since I don't like her. So no more arguments.

It is always a pleasure giving a narcissist zero out of a hundred.

Q as in Question...

 This is the question mark inside my head recently. I have not found the answer yet. Eventually, I will know the answer, but I don't know when. Maybe when I get all the data points.

Reading this can give you the feel - previously, this is what happened a few weeks ago. lol

People who live as per society's expectations, study well, get a job, and get married - they feel they are zero or clueless about life from their 40s. The fall starts slowly, and when they near 50, they are entirely different personalities.

Groomed from an early age by their parents that money is the only important thing in the world, who made all the choices in their life based on money, who follow the leader obediently in office - how do they start to fall in their career in their late 40s?

I have noticed that they don't have the courage to face any tough situation on their own, and always agree with whatever the powerful person says in their 20s.

They are successful until their 40s. Then their friends' group fall apart, careers start to crumble. From 20 to 40, they are accumulating a kind of arrogance, and it starts to deplete when they are nearing their 50s.

When they look at me, they understand I did not undergo this process. I am different. And it creates curiosity. In the 20s and 30s, I listened with patience, but now I can't waste my time, though I am curious to understand them.

So this post is about question mark, I will write the answers when I find it.

The Lipstick(Cosmetic comedies)...

 Everything started as a small thought. And it's funny. I noticed my brown-coloured face turning to black after a few days of early morning walks. If I walk like this for 10 years, then I cannot recognise myself.

I started to search for sunscreen lotions. Some sunscreen lotions give a white coating to the face. If you have watched 1980s ghost movies, they have painted the ghost's face with a white coating. A similar type of coating it gives. And finding the right type of sunscreen that suits is a task. Then I thought since I can not use sunscreen lotion on my lips, I have to find a lipstick. A mild color which won't be attractive. And I started my lipstick hunt. I ordered a mild colour for Valentine's Day, and I received a blood red colour as if I am going to attend a vampire party. Refer the image below.

Facing all these challenges, I managed to walk with sunscreen and lipstick to protect my face from Sun. As per Newton's law, every action has a reaction. The housewives in my place got inspired by my makeup! 

One day I was thinking while walking that I should buy fluorescent coloured clothes so that I can be seen from anywhere. The next minute, I saw one of the ladies who watches my morning walk wearing a bright red and green colour dress. She was holding a tote and footwear similar to mine with red color lipstick. lol. The thought that came to my mind was, seeing her sudden transformation, her husband is going to doubt her as if she is having a new affair.(My brain has the power to think worst-case scenarios). 

The narcissist in my family was worried. They can't digest my sunscreen and lipstick look. And I saw the impact yesterday. The family narcissist was asking me, Will I get your money and properties when you die. And I said, I am trying for a job abroad. I will buy a fortress there. I won't die here to give my money to you(I tried my best to give an answer that doesn't have any logic in it). That narcissist is the pig and the family in this cosmetic comedy movie. Pig always thinks he is the smart one. 

They all are thinking that I am still that super empath who will sacrifice my life for them. They don't know I have become a narcissist slayer.

Leading lady - A love story...

 I am getting better at titles... lol

This is part 2 of Stranger 

I went to the bank today, and before going there, said the collective consciousness, I don't want a stranger's story today.  I was waiting in the bank, and nothing was happening. It was boring. And I thought, a stranger's story is better than boring. I looked around. I found one interesting thing. Most of the bank's female employees were wearing lipstick. Finding the right shades was a challenge for me. I started to observe the shades. One of the female staff was looking beautiful. A calm, peaceful face. It is very rare, and looking at her face itself gave a calm feeling. And I like her lipstick. I was thinking whether to approach her and ask about the lipstick details.

At that time, the planets and stars aligned. A young, good-looking guy entered the bank. He went to that female staff and asked a dumb doubt and she replied with seriousness.

When my brain has less energy, I get dumb questions. So I thought that guy's brain battery is low. lol...

Then, after a few minutes, he again went to her and asked another dumb doubt. I watched them for few minutes and understood. That young man likes that female staff and he don't know what to do and asking dumb doubts.

My mind voice said, "stupid guy, its better to say it directly. You never know how many opportunities you will get". The young man left.

I started to scold that young man in my mind. And my critic inner voice told me, "after all you don't have the courage to ask the lipstick details, but you are criticizing another person"

I did not hesitate, I went to her, asked her permission to ask a personal question and asked the lipstick details. She took her mobile, find that details, showed her mobile and showed the price and other details. lol... its so simple.

Now I can scold that young man. Stupid guy, instead of trying to think about dumb doubts, it is easy to tell it directly. Or it may become too late. 

This incident has a lesson, and I have to submit a thesis to the collective consciousness about it. lol

Looks like visiting the bank often can give more useful lessons. Very lucky place to give different interesting lessons.

And the lipstick's name is leading lady... I have justified the title.. lol

Every opportunity has risk. Unless you try, you never know whether it is good or bad. Opportunities need lot of hard work to make it work.

Cindrella Princess...

 Cindrella Princess is about how a female's life can be upgraded in one decision.

Few get that kind of opportunity, and very few among them make use of it.

I usually buy groceries in a particular shop. I have known the family for many years. I started to talk with them like relatives from 2025. We can create a bond or friendship when there is mutual benefit. I get quality groceries at a reasonable price, and they get a regular customer.

Sometimes I get information from the collective consciousness. One day, a few months back, when I saw their daughter, I got the intuition that she was going to be rich. 

One day, they said they had finalised their daughter's marriage. The groom is from Sherlock Holmes' city. The way they said the news was bad. As if it were bad news, near tears. I understood they are not ready, they did not expect and did not like the alliance. 

At that time, I realised why I got the intuition. I asked them few questions. How many alliances you get so far? Did your daughter say okay? Can you give your daughter a luxurious life?  She can get a job there and earn. It is a good opportunity, do it with a full heart. 

Few visits to the shop and I said about good things marriage can bring to their family. 

I went to the reception. And I got a warm welcome from them. I was happy.

Now we are going to the psychological things behind it.

Parents when they are crossing their mid age, sometimes use their children for codependency. On narcissist level it can be they won't allow their children to get married and if they got married, they do all the hard word to break the marriage.

I know the dark side of a parent and I know how to bring the light side. And I amplified the light side of the couple. 

The marriage was praised by most people in my place. Everything was well planned and good.

I felt a little bit ashamed to see the darkness when I encouraged the decision. I felt ashamed as they could see my parents' darkness too.

Advantage Narccisist slayer - neighbour darling, now I know your biggest wound. I know how to attack you next. Don't dare to come near me with a white flag. I don't accept white flags from a narcissist. lol.

Cinema, the drama - Part 2

 Here is the Part 1

The actor I have mentioned in Part 1 created a history in politics. The people who joined in the victory were his parents, not his wife or children. And also the actress. My observations was the actor is an introvert, very ambitious and growing as per his midlife. He and his family grew apart. Though others are saying the actor and his wife will live together and won't get divorced, I think it doesn't have logic in it. If a big, happy moment is not shared, then it means that the relationship won't have a main role. 

Actress has more chances to marry the actor as both are ambitious and since they worked together, they should have developed respect towards each other for overcoming the challenges in their field. Any how, I am writing this here to check in the future whether my observations are right.

The rise of the narcissist slayer(Part 2)...

 Changing from a people pleaser to a narcissist slayer is a process and the collective consciousness will test the progress. I learnt one thing, if I am not progressing, I have to learn the lesson once again. There is no escape from it. So I started to learn with a full heart. 

I told my neighbour I can not help her. And I told her the fact, but I made sure that it should be complete opposite of the rumor she spread about me. People gossip to pass the time, and they have their own work. Gossip is not a primary thing. But inside the narcissist's mind, gossip and rumor is the main world.

I know she will think, I will help, though I said I won't. The day she realised I did not help, she panicked. And I was observing. In movies I have seen the bad people, thieves follow a strict code. They won't back stab their team. So I thought the people who gossip with my neighbour will help her. No, they did not. And I realised there is no bond between them. lol. 

I did not expect her to visit me. But she came. She praised the dress I was wearing. And for the first time I saw the respect in her eyes and truth in her voice. Everybody thinks introvert won't say the reason when they cut off people. I always tell politely. 

When she asked me whether I will continue the course in Peacock University, I replied, "the professors are bad. I had very good professors in my college days. Why would I create bad memories about professors? Why would I create new memories that are bad? Why would I replace good old memories with bad memories?"  She thanked me. And I know she understood the answer was meant for her.

I have not seen a narcissist turn into a good person in my life. But a narcissist slayer can control/contain the damage they create. After all collective consciousness also teaches them to evolve.

I saw the whole life choices my neighbour made as a narcissist. I understood her life better than her and understood how many times the collective consciousness has tried to learn the lessons. But it is tough when the mother is a narcissist.

It does not mean I learned my lessons fast. I am a slow learner. I am still sitting in the same classroom learning to slay the narcissist for many years. When I complete it, life will present me with different life choices where I can learn to evolve further.

Part 1 narcissist-slayer

From rags to riches...

 This story is simple. All you need is rumors.  😊

I always wonder why people spread rumours? What will they get from it? And I found the answer recently. In Maths, using a Venn diagram, we solve problems. I used it to find the answer.

Intersection and difference in Venn diagram concepts helped in finding the solution.

Mainly, I used the process of elimination(difference). I observed the specimen for 1.6 years. lol(I refer narcissist like that).

It started casually. One of my neighbours asked for my help, and I helped. Then it started. The rumours about my career. I was confused. I did not understand. Why? After all, I helped. It is not wrong. I tried to fit in. I tried to please as a people pleaser. It did not work.

Then I started to observe my specimen. I did not talk much; I simply observed. And the neighbour asked for my help regularly. I did it. I love bombed and made my neighbour understand that I know what work she is doing. This process needed a lot of patience and waiting time.

Around this time, another rumour spread that I am wealthy. I was still confused.

I stopped all communication, and the process of elimination gave the result. Voila - found the answer. The only communication between the neighbour and me was her asking for my help regularly.

We are nearing the conclusion. lol. It is simple. 

When a narcissist needs something from a person, they create an illusion that the other person is weak and that they are the one who needs the narcissist. Narcissists try to tame the other person so that they can control them by spreading rumour, manipulations, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, etc.

Now I said I can not help further. This time, the reaction will be different. I have already made the narcissist weak. Now I expect the rumour like, she is arrogant which I like.

I made the narcissist look like a fool by making her to spread a rumour opposite to the previous one. Poor, rich and arrogant. Oh my God, it is entirely different from the 1st one. lol.

Life gives us the same problem again and again till we gain knowledge to overcome it. It took me all these years to understand it.

Thanks to my specimen, I have the data points and solutions. 

This is how a people pleaser became a narcissist slayer. 😇

All you need is a narcissist to become "rags to riches". lol.

Peacock University & the learning...

 Last year, when I joined Peacock University, I had a few expectations. And now, after a year, when I review my expectations, I can say it is fulfilled. 

I learned about myself, and more psychological concepts and especially about narcissist which made me a narcissist slayer. 😇

I thought students from the same city would complete the course. But it looks like a few did not attend the exams. As per my understanding, mid-aged students will complete or try to attend all the semester as attending classes will give them some relief from their routine, boring life. 

Students in their 20s and 30s will give importance to their job and will give the course less importance.

But my neighbour and her friend will attend all the semesters due to their family situation. After all, even narcissists need some time away from their family. I understand their pain, lol

Distance education in psychology attracts mostly narcissists as they want to learn how to get hold of the empaths. In the middle age, the people around narcissists gain experience to escape from them, and it will frustrate the narcissist. They will get confused, like, why does nobody admire me nowadays?

Am I supporting a narcissist?! lol 

Marriages and divorces...

 In life, we take many things and relationships for granted. We don't choose parents or family. But we choose our life partners in this generation. Since this change is new, the previous generation doesn't know how to guide their children. In many situations, parents become the reason for the separation between couples.

A few years ago, I was watching an interview on YT by a female doctor. She is cute, and she has her own YT channel. She has a huge fan base because of her way of talking. Clear, bold and very casual. The interviewer was asking about her husband and the Dr was mentioning him very casually without respect. At that time, I thought that marriage wouldn't work.

A few days before, the same Dr, divorced, a little bit depressed, hurt as she did not expect divorce to happen to her. This is what every successful person faces when they experience it. Why me? I am talented!!

She married her school friend, and since they are friends, developed a habit of addressing each other without respect. This type of behaviour should change after marriage. The world will respect a person if the wife shows respect for her husband and vice versa. And when there is no respect, certain people who want to destroy their happiness can use a strategy and move things according to it.

The chemistry that will be in the start of the marriage won't be there after a few years. It should be replaced with "respect" for the marriage to sustain. During midlife, some people will get separated as they will become entirely different people.

Celebrity people who get divorced, most of the time don't get another marriage, another chance, unless they heal from their past relationship. A few years after the divorce, they will act as if they are happy, and then the acting will also be gone.

There is no perfect person. And expecting perfection from the spouse is foolish. As the human life span has increased, if you are okay with being alone, then expect a perfect spouse. Otherwise, be grateful and happy for the entertainment your spouse provides, which includes fights and misunderstandings.

Some grow apart, a few become narcissists, other than that, I think people should take real efforts to sustain what they have.

As time passes, you will change, your spouse will change, and you are dealing with an evolving human which will make life interesting. Nothing will be boring in it.

This is Devilish Angel. Your family counsellor.😇 You can share your problems in comments. lol.