Part 2 - Crazy things we do in our midlife...

 For some people, everything happens at the right age, at the right time. They get a job at the right age, get married at the right age, buy a house, and have a very comfortable life.  They work towards it from their school days. And how do they feel in their midlife?

One of my cousins moved from native to a busy city and have/had a successful life. But when he visited native, I noticed a few things. He also feels that he is a failure. lol. midlife change(crisis).  And he hates city life. I think people relate their tough period in life to the city they live in and start to like/hate it.

In teen age and in his 20s, when he discusses any business plan, he will be more eager and energetic. Now those things are missing. I started to doubt whether he has a job or not. But I can not ask.

Our belief system changes during midlife. And our life experience teaches us new perspective. It does not mean the past is wrong. Without crossing that, pne can not reach mid life.

It is like attending school to prepare a person to go to higher studies.

When studying master's degree, one can not think UKG education was wrong. lol. Without that, this stage won't happen.

My new hobby is observing people in their midlife change. Very fascinating.

The song...

 Sometimes I get up early on Sunday mornings. After having tea, I like walking. The climate will be fresh, chill and warm. And the neem tree has started to give a nice aroma from the flowers. Most people will still be sleeping; only the churchgoers will be preparing to take their car out.

Near a turning, I heard a loud male voice. At the same time, I can hear a bike sound. Then I saw a village male in his late 30s, riding an ordinary bike, singing in a romantic voice loudly. It was really funny. People who are sleeping should have woken up hearing his voice.

His voice was not sweet, and he was not singing correctly, but he was happy and positive. That's the vibe I got. At that time, I realized, a person who can be happy with the current situation can only be happy in future. Instead of feeling bad for what we don't have, focusing on what we have makes a person happy.

Ordinary bike, ordinary clothes, but the person was happy.

Will a person who travels in a luxury car have this happiness?

Happiness is a habit. It is a practice.

Crazy things we do in our mid age...

 People call it a midlife crisis. But one can convert it into a midlife change.

Nowadays, I have started to watch how people react during their midlife change.

Everybody tries to visit the things that they liked as a kid or teenager during that time. And almost everybody thinks/feels they have wasted their life... lol. Universal feeling. I have not met a single person who thinks they have lived their life well.

Let us start with me. The crazy thing I did was joining in Peacock University. I was able to focus, enjoy the new learning. I realized my priorities have changed, my energy and time are limited, professors are ordinary human beings. My brain's neural network light up in class and it was good. But, no, my priorities are different. I said no to Peacock University.

The people who don't accept the fact that their priorities have changed continue in Peacock University(Like my neighbour)

My opposite house lady puts music on loudly for 2 hours daily(If you know how they put music in touring talkies era before the movie starts in the theatre). Midlife crisis came along with an ear problem!!! lol

And one of my cousins visited during my work time without pre-planning. Though my parents are impressed with his effort in self-driving for so many hours, I just know it. It's a midlife crisis. And he is revisiting his childhood wish. "The things we did for our family" looks stupid now, he said. lol(To say this, he travelled this much?!)

Everybody feels their life is a lie during their midlife. The real challenge is how you are going to make it right. Without spoiling the life and with a different perception.

I know how to make whatever I did is right in my life. And I am not going to teach it. This can be done by action, by living a full life. Not just by talking.

Stalker...

 My neighbour's narcissistic mom always waits for me to come out of my home in the morning to talk or troll. Nowadays, I troll her. lol. She asked me, " Have you reached your goal? and I asked, which goal(Now she will try to find out all my goals.) She was very eager to know my weight loss goals and I said I could not talk about it.😇

After a few minutes, I went to the market. A person came to me, introduced himself, and talked. Oh my God, one of my online students' father. It was really sweet as the course was for 2 to 3 months only. I have never met my online students in person, but today met a student's father. It was strange and I had never imagined it.

These 2 incidents happened within a few minutes. 1st only tried to troll and the 2nd one showed appreciation and affection.

I did not meet my narcissist neighbour as she will list out her health problems, thinking I am a gynaecologist. Then I have to study the symptoms for 4 to 5 hours on the internet. I didn't have time for that and avoided it.

Cinema, the drama...

 In recent days on social media, one news item is very popular or getting more views. One famous movie actor decided to stop acting and enter politics. At the same time he have to face divorce and the drama by his father.

I always thought previous generation parents have more ego, narcissistic nature in them. They always perceive their sons and daughters as their extended part and need their guidance to survive in this world. You can not escape from them even if you are 50+ lol.

Actor made some career choices, and the whole media started to blame him. And in addition to that his father said to the press people, my son is innocent, he dont know what he is doing. I am talking about this because I care about him(To me this don't look like care. That too when the actor is 50+. He attended a function with an actress, which triggered his father to give this statement) 

This is an example to know that the most cruel things to a person are done by their parents and family, not by the world.

A person has to survive this type of cruel things, balance their mind and if possible, should find happiness.

Sometimes this type of treatment by the parents makes their children become narcissistic like them.

Anyhow, everybody wont have the awareness to understand it. Ignorance is bliss as long as you stay ignorant. lol.

How individuation happens?

 When a person faced traumatic experience or during mid life crisis, when their hormones are unstable. For males, it is gradual, and for females, the process is fast. One can miss many things in their life, but like death, it is a certainty.

Does everybody face the difficulty? This is where your personality type, family situation and work environment play a crucial part.

From my observation, females who are type A personalities(they are more competitive), who have narcissists in their family or who face a tough work environment, face it severely.

Why?

Before midlife when cortisol levels increase, your body can handle it. But during hormone cocktail times, your body becomes weak. And your body produces the same cortisol spikes even when you are calm. And it starts to affect the body parts. The hormone spikes have the ability to make your first language as your second and vice versa. lol. You would have seen the world with one perspective, and now you get the 360-degree view. And it changes you. You won't be the same person again. This is how a people pleaser became a narcissist slayer.

In this duration, if you develop awareness, the integration will be good. Otherwise, you can become a bitter or cunning person. Though Carl Jung said this as integration of the shadow, I call it as integration of feminine and masculine energy. You will be surprised by your new identity. It is similar to marriage. You give equal(!) rights. I gave 100% rights to my masculine power and changed my personality. Once you get used to the new power, start to integrate both. These things will take years.

The women who succeed this duration have created history in their careers and their personal lives.

At the same time, I have seen people destroying their marriage without knowing they are changing. 

Don't destroy anything; understand you are changing.

The world, you can see it now with a new lens, eyes and experience it differently.

The last visit...

The native place is always tied to grandparents. After them, it is uncles and aunts who live near it. When they pass away, the tie with the native too pass.

I visited my uncle's home last week to pay respect to him. My intuition was saying to me this will be my last visit to my native, though logically it is not correct. When I have a conflict like this, I postpone the emotion till it is time to face it and carry on with my work.

It is my duty, no doubt, I have to visit. I started from home with the conflicted emotion. My face was like ginger eaten monkey's face. lol. The joy of being a narcissist slayer is that my face reflects the emotion. I can not hide behind the people pleaser's face.

Usually, when crossing the landmarks one by one near the native, I would feel joy as a kid. This time, I did not feel any emotion. And my mind started to get cleared. My face started to become normal. This is not hurting, even if it will be the last visit to the native, I thought.

Met my cousins after many years, and had a group therapy session. lol

I thought their house would be filled with so many relatives. And was surprised to see no relatives were there. Planned to spend a few minutes if it is crowded, but spent more time as nobody was there.

Times are changing. And we talked at what point a human starts to change. When a loving father starts to hate his own child? We discussed that in the group. Maybe from middle age we discussed, but still can not pinpoint the exact time as the change process happens gradually.

And I said to my cousins, we share the genes, and we are in mid age, we may also change unless we monitor ourselves. If we all change and meet again after few years it like my updated version meeting their updated version. Did I prove that the title is right? Sigh... lol

Stranger...

 As a narcissist slayer, I have changed certain things. Body language, posture and tone. Otherwise, it will be tough to outsmart them. And I forgot I was an ordinary empath, that sounds like a long time ago.

Feb 7, I was in the bank waiting. Usually, that is like a seasonal depressive movement, and this time I did not feel like that. My situations are the same,  but I have become a narcissist slayer. I was conducting an emotional evaluation with myself to pass the time. And the stranger started to talk to me. I think it is a logical move when a person shares their problems with a stranger. You won't meet them again, and they can't use that information. So I listened. 

First, he listed certain things and said these are my problems. And I said, these are not problems. He looked at me, then continued. He did not refuse or agree. After a few minutes of chat, he listened to his achievements. And I thought, this person is telling lies from the start. Am I looking like a stupid?! His list of achievements is the problem. I did not say anything, and he avoided eye contact. We talked few minutes. Usually, narcissists create an illusion, and they make you believe it. But this person was creating an illusion for himself. And I understood one important psychological concept I read. The human brain creates illusions, stories to avoid pain and to survive. And during that conversation, I saw him understand his illusions. There was a fear when the truth hit him and the pain and then a different emotion in his eyes. My brain searched all recorded emotions and found it an emotion you show in front of God. I really don;t know how to react. I don't know how to smile like a Goddess. After all I watch only ghost movies. lol. I recollected my people pleaser smile. I tried my best smile.

For the readers, so far, it looked like I did something good.

Actually, I learned a few things. When we discuss our problems with certain people, the collective consciousness works and solutions can be felt/realised.

Usually, when a narcissist sees their truth, they get angry. When a wise person sees their truth, they feel grateful.

The stranger, how fast he recovered, showed gratitude, that is maturity, that is humbleness. I don't know whether I will reach that level in this birth.

Vampire Diaries...

 It is not about vampires and humans.  I just gave a catchy title. 😇

Different personalities can't be friends. An empath and a narcissist can't be friends.

My neighbor was very keen to share her troubles. She and her mom were checking whether I am healthy. And finally, she came and said stories about how her shoulder and neck are aching and the physiotherapists she is visiting.  I gave her the expected reply. (I use both hands to type in computer(lol... everybody does that, but those who use computers recently will be typing in one hand). She was asking about visiting places. I did not show interest. 

She took me out saying we will go for half an hour drive and took me for a heavy dinner when I was in diet. In her diary she should have mentioned this incident as I took my neighbor for a surprise dinner. Now she is having the hobby of visiting physiotherapists and keen to introduce that hobby to me. I can't imagine getting treatment for shoulder pain without having it. lol. She may be planning to write in her diary that she took her neighbor to physiotherapist and ease her pain.

Only in series vampire and human can be friends. In real life empath and a narcissist can not be friends. There will be some attraction as they are opposites. 

I should write about women's health next...

Every narcissist has a story...

 As a narcissist slayer, I try to get the story of the narcissist. No need for me to try, they themselves come and tell me. lol...

I love bombed narcissist and got her job cadre, oh, sad. lol.

I reflected back the character of a narcissist to the mother narcissist. And she said, even it is a peon job, it is a government job. I showed a pathetic look in my eyes. See, I don't need lengthy dialogues to slay a narcissist. When I reflect on them back it looks like an attitude. When you do it to others, it is nothing, right narcissist? Only you have a heart, and others don't? Oh, your heart is very sensitive.

The same person who spread rumours of my career now thinks I am showing attitude to them, as I know they are a peon. I won't show my full strength. It is yet to come. They still don't know about my career. lol. I don't have to say anything about her designation to others, but now she will think I have said it to everybody. That is my dear narcissist, my punishment to you. I just know your secret. I won't say it to others, but you will fear I will say it to others. You yourself will say it to others at the right time when the universe reflects back to you.

I See U - Part 2

 When 2 introverts know they are the same personality type, they talk won't be about the weather. It will be about the most important things. 

I was asking Universe to give me one data as I have never met my personality type consciously. And Universe gifted me what I asked.

I met HOD after nearly 20 years and I was surprised. He aged is reverse. He is very healthy, very focused and his brain is sharp. Otherwise, he won't be coaching students who are writing the highest competitive exams. When all his peers are sitting at home watching TV, he is at the peak of his career.

And one of the important things he said was about health. He said, "you should be healthy like when you joined your first job. I have done it, so it is possible for you" I was stunned, reverse ageing is not that easy. He meant it and its true.

Introverts once they reach their mid age, they will gain extroverts qualities and they can live in the most busy cities too and shine in competitive career.

For 2 months I was thinking and I did not find any way to do it as I was thinking it is not easy or possible. Few days before I thought, if one person can do it, then I also can do it. Universe will show the way automatically once the decision is made.

Usually he gives me so much respect and this time, the respect was in tons. And I understood, it is for the highest potential in me. I may not know my potential yet.

I always see the potential of others, which they don't understand. lol.. I understood how it will be as I faced a similar situation.

Very few can reach their highest potential and I should accept that fact.

A child like curiosity, wise like a thousand years old, content, happy, unattached, empathetic thats what I saw in him.

Motivating and inspiring. And hope.

The Protector...

 They say introverts can understand others' emotions. But unless they have worked with their shadow, they can not understand others fully. 

Shadow is the disowned features of a person. But they can act as your protector. Instead of using the shadow part during your tough time, integrate it with your character. Then it will give more clarity.

There won't be any confusion in finding a narcissist fast. 

An introvert who has integrated their shadow, enjoys their alone time, doesn't need anybody to validate them and becomes strong.

At that point, the universe will start helping/guiding them more closely.

Carl Jung has explained the importance of shadow work. I came to know about Carl Jung from one of the psychology professors, who has passed away recently.

A person who once was brilliant, faded slowly but I saw the essence before it faded away fully.

And I am happy that I expressed my gratitude to him. We never know when we will take our last breath, so always do the good things at once. 

What about the bad people who did bad?

Time will take care of them. 

The Cortisol Quest...

 The second half of personal and professional life depends on how a person manages their cortisol level.  Because cortisol will increase if you continue the same life style.

The same exercise routine spikes it, the same food habits spike it... lol

It is a chaos.. But every chaos has opportunity for good.

This year my quest is to reduce the weight further, to be healthy and manage cortisol level when it spikes on its own. 

And of course to dress up like a Queen/narcissist slayer. 

Mother's puppet...

 Nobody wants to be others puppet. But when they are groomed from childhood, they never know it. Some came to know/realise in their middle age, some won't in their life time. The ones who realised it, pretend they did not know it, as it will break their heart, break their comfort zone. And those who don't/can't pretend, try to change their life if it is possible.

Everybody can't transform, and this post is for the ones who can't transform.

What is life if I didn't write about my dear neighbour. lol

She pretends she is doing social work(as per her norms), confident, takes her own decisions(!!!)

If you all the above why your narcissist's percentage is above 80% Can I give 90%? 😇

Most of the time her mother accompanies her when she come to meet me. First I thought it is for chit chat. Later I felt it is a controlling behavior and also somewhat like a protection. What is there to protect?

A narcissist view themselves as a broken/defected person. Thats why they pretend as if they are confident and gaslight others. They view their children as a defected product. This makes them to groom their children as an empath(to serve them) or as narcissist.

When they groom their children as a narcissist, they check everything, monitor whether their child is gaslighting others properly, plan with them how to control others.

It is when she came to meet me last time, I realized it. I saw the sadness in her eyes and how she was talking to her mother about her job as if it is the only important thing in life.

For one minute I saw a small kid, hiding behind her mother, with a toy in hand. A kid pretending that whole world is in that toy.

When the mid life hormones change in the body, the narcissist get a chance to meet their shadow which is kindness. 

Change in the body and mind is painful, that the narcissist feel, I can not pretend any more. They think I can not pretend I am confident, I can not pretend as if the whole world is revolving around me. The only chance they get in their life is that time. And that time is again groomed by the narcissist mother. 

I felt sad for her. It does not mean I will become a friend to her. 

I understand nothing is permanent in life, the change in narcissist behavior can be a small percentage. From 80% to 75%. This is the maximum change they can do as change needs accepting one's own fault and move forward.

I dont live in fairy land to think narcissist became an empath and lived happily. lol.

Just I understood how a narcissist is groomed.

A person who don't stop pretending, till they can... (Oh such a positive way to think. lol)

My boundary will remain strong, and it is will be a strong boundary for the narcissist.

A small toy picture for my neightbour. Thats what I can do.