Donation...

 A few days ago, I found some money when I went out to put Rangoli.  I hesitated to take it. Then took it as if it were covered with sand; nobody could find it, and it would be wasted. The person who lost or dropped when going to the shop won't know where they lost it.

Task assigned - I got a task

I have to decide what to do with the money. I checked the currency and made sure it was good currency. I put it in my purse and took it with me when I went out

Heart knows 

If I see anybody who is in need of money and if my heart says to give it to them, I will give it to them. I decided that and I did not found anybody.

Wait for the instructions

Sometimes life gives surprising tasks. There will be a lesson with it. I need to wait patiently, and I waited.

At that time I know, it is tough to find a right person to give the money.

Kumbabishekam (also known as Samprokshanam) 

And I saw the information about Kumbabishekam in the temple that I go to daily on my morning walk. Most of the donations will be given on Kumbabishekam day. And I donated the money I found that day to the temple.

A messenger

I am just a messenger in this donation. When donating, I need to give some information about myself. And the person who was collecting donation asked me, when will I come to collect the prasadham. And he noted the time. He also said the female monk in the temple will keep it separately and she will give it to me. Most people should have collected theirs in the afternoon itself.

I went in the evening. My prashadam was packed. And the monk was waiting for me. She gave me a warm welcome and gave the Prasadham.

Task completed

I said to Lord Muruga, you should have come in my dream and asked for donation; I would have given you. Why this much drama? Then I understood; it is to make me to donate with the mindset of a messenger.

You are my fan

As I am not ready to become a devotee of any God, after seeing a few sincere efforts by Lord Muruga, I accepted him as my fan. lol. And I respect my fans. Devotees expect something from God, and I like smiling at him. Expectations will take away the smile.

Lesson

It takes effort to earn money, but it takes too much effort to find the right person or cause to donate it. And I thought it is better to start giving donations as a habit now itself. One can not do it when they die if it is not a habit.

A habit

This month I donated to the temple with the mindset of a messenger, not as a person who earned that money. I am going to make it a habit.

A small incident can change life, and I started a new habit from that task.

Difference

Before midlife, when I help or donated, I thought I was helping. Now I think I am finding the right cause to donate to or help, and it is helping me. I am doing it for myself.

Fish

 I like eating fish nowadays because it has many nutritional benefits. I recently started buying it myself.  I ordered for 500 gms fish, and when they weigh it showed 400 gms and they packed it. Since I was new, I asked them,  I ordered 500 gms, and you are giving me 400 gms, why? The shopkeeper explained that they had already cleaned the fish, removed its head and tail, that is why I am giving 400 gms. I understood the logic and said okay.

Next time I visited fish shop and they gave me cleaned fish 500 gms, did not reduce 100 gms for wastage. Maybe they wanted a regular customer. Moreover, they have to sell the fish when it is fresh.

Today I bought fish for my cat too.

I said to my cat, I hunted fish for you today when I gave it to the cat. lol. My cat enjoyed the fish and went to sleep after eating.

Now my cat will think I am a hunter. 😊

Follow up...

When I found the temple on my morning walk, to create a routine, I decided to visit it for one and a half months. I have completed it and was thinking about whether to visit the temple. Only then did I start to have different experiences. I can not write it like a ghost experience. lol.

 Every God has a vehicle(!) Lord Muruga has a peacock as his vehicle. I have never seen a peacock in my house. And that day, I saw a female peacock with its 2 peachicks. I was surprised. It was walking and was there for nearly one hour. I decided to go to temple that day.

The next day, I woke up to the Peacocok's sound. Daily, I started to see it in my house. Then I decided I would visit the temple till I decide whether to visit daily or not. lol. I was unable to list pros and cons for visiting the temple, as I don't have any expectations towards it. The solution is deciding to visit till I decide. lol.

Peacock's follow-up with me is very sincere. A very strict follow-up, which I have seen for the first time in my life. That week when I visited that temple, a kid who may be 5 or 6 welcomed me. When I entered the temple, he welcomed me, saying hi and hello with a smile. Everybody was surprised, even his family members. He talked to me as if he knew me. Some kids are like that, very friendly with strangers.

I think God in that temple has become my fan, as I smile at him daily. Imagine God's life. Daily devotees will come and ask something from God. I wont ask anything and just smile. So he is doing strict follow up with me. lol. 

Today I saw the married lady in the temple. We talked for a few minutes and showed me a  Shami tree. She said if we pray to it, our wishes will be granted to us.

Oh my God, I don;t have anything to ask. Another question which I don't have answer.

May be I can pray like, I will tell you when I know what to ask. lol.

Prayers will be fulfilled for ordinary people. Unicorns have a different family structure, and what works for ordinary people won't work for them.

Part 2 of funny...

 My neighbour is very particular about not taking leave. At year-end, she takes leave for a few days. This whole week, she was at home. I was surprised, but I didn't want to know the reason. I don't like to initiate any communication.

Her mother talked to me this morning. Explained they are at home because they got a one-day holiday! Who will take a whole week's leave when they get a one-day holiday in between?! What a logical explanation? She should have kept this logical reason to herself. lol

I am having a doubt that she is on leave for a few months. She is avoiding the training she has had to take for many years and is stuck in the same designation. This can not be postponed forever. A time will come when she will take leave, which will be followed by voluntary retirement. Being a female, she can postpone the voluntary retirement.

Anyhow, I would like her to continue working, as she won't have time to concentrate on people like me. lol. So, with all my heart, I wish her luck. After all, she needs it.

Funny...

 I did not think much about my neighbour. She came to her home today. I followed my routine as if I didn't care. And I did not expect her to contact me.

So I was surprised when I saw her message. She was asking whether we go for night show at the cinema. I don't go to night shows. I love my beauty sleep. And if I plan to watch a movie at night, it will be an adventure.

I like adventure. I like to watch ghost movies, as it will give a thrilling emotion with an increase in cortisol.

But I am not ready to watch a movie along with a ghost(I mean my neighbour) lol

Liking a ghost movie is different from watching a movie with a person whom I don't like.

The black puppy...

 I was walking in the morning that day. The street was a long one. I was walking from one end to the other. And I saw 2 males were walking from the other end towards me. With them was a small puppy. It was following them and when they chased it, it did not budge.

When I was nearing them, the puppy saw me and changed direction. It started to follow me. Talked to me in its language.(Most probably, it should have said it was willing to adopt me) It got happy and looked thrilled. It run before me and waiting for me, did a dance. lol 

I was nearing that other end of the street and I have to turn to the left. There I saw that puppy's father. Small puppy ignored it and tried to follow me. That black dog did not allow it.

I continued my walk went to the temple and returned on the same path. I saw the puppy running after a bike with another big dog. lol

After that day, I did not see that puppy. It has found a home for itself I guess.

Marriage or business deal?

 I liked that actress's movies from 2000 to 2010. She had a lot of fans. She was in love with her co-star for 8 years and married him. After marriage, she did not act for nearly 10 to 15 years. She was from the North State, and she became famous in South State and married a guy from the South.

Recently, for a few years, whenever she gave an interview, she always spoke bad about South. I was surprised; I did not understand her behaviour. Recently I saw an interview made by the couple.

The actress was saying, " When I was young, I got 3 times my husband's salary; now he is getting 30 times my salary. lol. I don't understand whether a husband and wife will measure their salaries against each other like this.

Salary in Cinema is decided by how the actors are accepted by the public. And she was saying, " My fans have become his fans in those days. The movies we paired was super hit and after marriage we did not get a chance to pair again"

Then I understood one thing. Mostly in Cinema industry, rumours make the actors famous. Both of them were in the limelight by creating an image that they had been in love for 8 years. They thought it boosted their career. They should have married, thinking their fan base would increase when they married. 

The actress should have thought that when she made a re-entry into cinema after 10 years of marriage, she would get the same acceptance. She did not get that and became bitter and started to blame south state cinema industry.

Most probably, their love was based on fan calculation. But in that calculation, they forgot their fans once they reach their mid age or 40s, they won't show the same enthusiasm towards movies when they were in their 20s.

But their marriage is intact, as both the actors think, their marriage is an investment in the cinema industry.  It will remain intact as it is a business deal.

Dreams and night mares...

 Sometimes dreams are nice, and sometimes they're nightmares.  Last night I had such dreams. I guess my brain was processing old memories. Betrayals by others were the theme yesterday. lol.

One nightmare, then I got up. I again fall asleep in few mins. Then again I got a similar concept dream. This happened like 3 or 4 times. 😟

Since my brain is healthy, I remember my dreams. I review my dreams once I get up. Betraying others is a person's habit or survival tactic. I can not change others. I can gain knowledge to protect myself from such people. 

Then I thought, why would I think about others and about the things I can not control?  The only thing in control is that I can avoid self-betrayal. 🌞

Today I will learn about it. 

Walking with Umbrella...

 Only very few people noticed the fire dust yesterday.  I was one of the few to notice it, and mostly I was the one who found comfort in wearing an old, comfortable dress. Sometimes wearing an old dress gives comfort and secured feeling.

The climate is hot from the morning itself. And I saw the married lady coming to the temple with an umbrella. Looks like an evening walk is better than a morning walk, or I have to go for a walk earlier in the morning.

This weekend I am going to write about marriage and the expectations...

It is from my observations by seeing the interview by few actors...

Fire dust and ash...

 I stepped out of the house in the evening as usual. And I noted a few things. There were white color ashes. Outside my house, I saw the ashes of a paper. I was surprised. I thought may be anybody in the neighbourhood burnt something. I was irritated by that thought. Why people are this stupid?

I continued to walk. And I saw the same white-coloured ash. Suddenly I felt as if I were walking near the volcano ash. Then I recollected that there is no volcano near my place. I walked nearly one km, and there was white ash. 

I started to buy things in shops. I heard a village lady complaining that her neighbour was burning waste things, and ash came all the way to her. lol.

I enquired with a shopkeeper. And he said there was a fire in a paper mill which was nearly 10 km away. He called the fire service to find out the reason, and they have given them the reason.

It was an ordinary day for many. But for the people who worked in that paper mill, everything has changed. Their lives took a complete turn today.

But changes bring growth. It happens for us to grow.

How I am going to become a devotee...

 People become devotees when their wishes are fulfilled or when they believe their wishes will come true when God bless them with boons.

I visit the temple during my morning walk to practise a contented smile while seeing God's face. I smile at him. lol. I light a lamp in the temple once a week. So the other devotees in the temple started to think I was a devotee. 

I  say hello to the old lady and a married lady usually. The married lady told me about a powerful song to sing for God. When talking to her, I understood that her native language is different from mine, but she is trying to sing the song, which is written in my native language.

I checked the song. Wow, it is full of tongue twisters. Writing a song with a grammatical rhyme is not easy. When listening to or singing it, I found that my brain's neurons are firing.

Now my family members will think that I have become a devotee. lol.

This is how I am becoming a devotee in others' eyes.

Only God can tell whether I am a devotee or not.

Coffee at Coffee day...

Yesterday I had the urge to have coffee at Coffee Day.  I don't know whether we have a Coffee Day shop in this city. I like the ambience in Coffee shops. It will feel like life is moving slowly inside the Coffee Shop. People will be relaxed and have Coffee without hurry.

Good ambience, cool climate, coffee, and nothing to do at that moment relax the mind like anything. Have you tried it?

Peacock University...

 Peacock University's results for the 1st semester were announced last week. Those who are already studying another degree at that University got pass mark and first marks. Students who bully others or create problems in class also got pass marks. Divorced ladies got grace marks too.

lol. Very predictable pattern.

2nd semester venue has changed. It will be conducted in another college; the number of classes has been reduced to half. Most probably, classes will be conducted by other college faculty. Peacock University professors have created a good(!) name, and it is one of the major reasons for stopping online classes.

My lovely neighbour got pass marks. I dont know why she is silent. Usually she create a scene and share photos in students group when submitting record and assignment.

Once I saw a potential in friendship with her. But within few interactions, I understood she is a stupid narcissist. Then I started to see her as a practice piece. And now she is not even a practise piece. lol.

Universities should create courses for the bored mid age people. It will become a good business and lot of people will attend it. 

Limitations...

 It was one of the fascinating observations I have made about myself. Once we shrink ourselves from certain things, it is not easy to go back to the normal stage.

Once I had fans for my dress and looks. Since I started working from home, my sense of dressing has become zero. And now my brain is stuck at some price level. Above that price level, my brain doesn't allow me to buy it. 

After trying to change my brain for a year, I accepted the fact that I can dress well in low budget. lol.

But the stitching cost went up in one year. Writing about the stitching cost, I understood the limitations of my tailor.

My tailor expects I will become fat and stitches the dress loose. Then I will have to alter it properly.  I have given my new dress for the 3rd time to be altered. It is making me tired. Instead of feeling joy when wearing a new dress, I have to find where to alter. lol. Sad story.

Anyway, I can write a series about my new clothes.

I think the tailor wants to work and stitch the dress loose lol

Opposite house

 Last year, at the same time, I was looking at the opposite house, which was being constructed that time. After construction, I got disappointed as it needed more time to maintain it, and I lost interest. To live in a spacious, good-looking house is on my wish list. 

The people who rented that house were very energetic in the beginning in maintaining the house. And nowadays they understand they are stupid to rent that house. lol

They acted as if they are the only rich people in the whole area at first, and now they feel they are the poor among us. lol.

To feel rich or poor is in the mindset.

The lady in the house doesn't talk to anybody. But watch what kolam I put daily. Every day she comes near the door to watch my dress when I go out for a walk.

Why doesn't she talk to anybody? I have my imagination.

She is the 2nd wife, and it is not her son in the house. It may be the 1st wife's son. That is the reason. lol.

I can not verify my imagination though.

 

The life coach...

 A few days ago, I was watching YT videos. One of the owners of an established bakery was giving an interview. Born in a village but went abroad after marriage and is now running a business successfully with her husband. I was impressed with the interview. I even watched it twice. The topic was general about life, marriage, husband, wife etc.

Since she went abroad and met people from different cultures, her knowledge was good. Her exposure to different people is more extensive, which resulted in a very good interview.

That one interview made her famous. She got another interview soon, and the title said she is a life coach. lol. Seeing the positive response for the 1st interview made her start a new business, "Life Coach".

2nd interview disappointed me. When talking about divorce, she was saying females are acting without maturity; their parents did not advise them properly. All divorce disputes can be solved if husband and wife talk over coffee(!!!!)

Her husband giving her equal or more rights does not mean the whole world is like that. She is talking from her experience, and it won't be suitable for all.

For personal problems, you can not give a common solution. Every individual's environment is different. Their personality is different.

Her intelligence was diminishing in each interview.  Usually, a person's talking style and intelligence won't deviate this much. I don't know why(Unless everything is scripted and written by somebody else to establish her as a life coach).

Life coach--- a disappointment.

A rare real story - Part 3 The true freedom

 I saw the old lady today. I can see the remarkable changes in her. Her face was more relaxed, as if she had got rid of the things that burdened her. Like always we exchanged few words with smile. Usually she would wear a scarf-like cloth to cover her neck.  Today it was not there. Then I understood.

Last time when I saw her, when she told me that she is single and never married, she removed her neck scarf and showed the chain she was wearing. From the chain a female wear, we can understand whether they are married or not. She looked at my face when she said she is single. I dont know what emotion my eyes showed, but I already know she don't have a husband. 

When I saw her today, I understood one thing. To avoid the society's trolling, she has never showed the world she is single. She covers her neck when she comes out. Last time, she saw my reaction, which encouraged her to show the world who she is. 

It is not like I changed her. She wanted to change herself and she has selected me to take the bold step.

I can not imagine how it will be to feel guilty for your existence, to feel guilty for being single, to shrink yourself infront of others.

She will be around 75 to 80, I really appreciate her bold move, to uncover her mask, to show the world who she is. To tell the world she is single and it is not her fault.

At any age a person can take a bold step. At any age a person can get rid of their pain.

First time I was seeing a person separating themselves from the pain they are carrying their full life.

It is good to see that, though it is an emotional thing for me. 

She got the real freedom now.

A rare real life story - Part 2

 You can read part 1 here.

The sacrifice

The promise

Freedom

Unknown sacrifice

A person who is sacrificed in the family won't understand they are the victim. Rather, they think they are helping their family and taking care of the family. But I can see a person in the past, present and future. A human being has the ability to justify what they did. Her family should have created an illusion that she is a dull, mad person and they are doing her favour by keeping her with them. This can result in isolation from the world, reduce confidence, and she should have believed there is something wrong with her. Only God wll know her sacrifice and the world and her family should have treated her bad.

And I thought, if there is a hell, I would get a job to fry these kind of people in oil pot.

The Promise

And she said to me, in a worried tone, you should marry a good guy. I replied, saying, whatever comes, I can face it. "Ego" is what kills love between 2 people. My brother's daughter married her colleague, but got divorced because of ego.  She touched my hand and said, it is very important for you to understand: you should not allow ego to come between you and your husband. The way she said it was like she was very sure of it. I can understand the urgency and seriousness in her voice. And with the same seriousness, I said I won't allow ego between me and my husband.  My voice sounds like a promise. 

Everybody needs a life partner. And life is meaningless without a partner, she said.

This is the strangest experience I've had recently. lol. 

The freedom

All her life she is living with her brother and her brother's wife is very rude it seems.  Whenever there is a fight old lady will think about going to an old-age home. Though I wanted to move out badly, it still remains as a dream she said.

Why she took time to say all these?

I can understand it. She is searching for an old-age home, and she can move out there any time. That is why she talked about all these things.

After all, she wants freedom.

Whether I will meet her again, or will meet her a few times, depends on when she joins an old-age home. Though she did not say that to me, I can predict she will do that.

Unicorns when they don't know who they are, will die thinking they are a defective human.

Her story made me upset, but I know collective consciousness will her and take care of her.

A rare real life story...

 I felt it was better to write it as early as possible instead of thinking about it. I don't know whether I can write fully in one post. 

The Unicorn

Injustice

The lie

The respect

I don't pray or expect anything from God when I go to the temple. I practise happy, content smile looking at the God's face. lol That is what I do daily in my morning walk.

Whenever I see the old lady, I smile and say a few words or wave at her. Last time, when I saw her, she said she could go out if her son took her out. I don't read her emotions. I just know she feels lonely. I understand people can be lonely even if they have family members at home.

Today when I go out for walking I met her. She was trying to decide whether to talk or not. And I said few unimportant words. lol. And she told me her life story. For the first time in my life, I listened without getting emotional(That is the power of being a narcissist slayer).

The Unicorn

She was born in a wealthy family. They had a big house, servants, a lot of properties. And the family's downfall started when her father resigned from his job. Only females from wealthy families got an education at that time. She got a good education and, to generate a steady income, she took a job. It is a rare thing for a female to work in late 1970s here.

She had an elder and a younger brother. She is the Unicorn. A rare female who did not think about her life.

The (unearned) respect

Only 2 were female in the company she worked. She worked in the same company for 30 years. People here are categorized based on their caste. Each caste will do a particular or specialized job. You can say they are specialist in that field. The caste I belong we are good administrators, business people and educators, including a chief minister. 

That company was owned by my caste people, and the manager was also from my caste. She was treated with respect and care. She asked my caste and I replied.

She at once make a gesture with hands 🙏 and said I am very grateful for the people I worked with and recollected her memories. The way she expressed it was like she is imagining/seeing her manager in me. This is the first time, I got a big respect for a thing which I did not do. lol. Getting respect from old people is not new when you have students as your fans. I don't know how I reacted or showed emotion in my face.

I did not do anything to get that respect.

Injustice

Though she earned money for her family, her whole life has become a sacrifice. Both her brothers got married. Her father gave his property to his elder son and he did not take care of his parents. Parents here still believe their sons are the protectors and girls are to be sacrificed.

In 1970, 1980s it is 100% a responsibilty of parents to look for a suitable groom for their daughter. 

I felt it was an injustice done to her by her family and siblings.

The lie

The old lady did not get married. She don't have a son. She don't like to say lie and may be felt it is better to tell the truth and said all these.

The remaining story will be published on the weekend.

My favourite house and the cute dogs.

 During my walk, I observe the architecture of the houses. Some houses are big, spacious, and have a garden. Can I give the title "The house" like how we submit essays in our school days?! lol.

A few houses make me curious too. Abandoned by the owners, though it looks strong and has signs of once thriving with a family in that area, they still have some life force in it.  Maybe the owners went abroad and did not think to come back.

It is rare to see a female name on the name board. That too in the old house. Before 20 years, it was really a big thing. The husband of the family has given equal rights(not exactly equal, as her name was below the male's name) to his wife, it seems. But that itself is a big thing. Not every female gets that recognition. I really admire the person who was bold enough to behave differently from society and put his wife's name on the name board. Many should have mocked him.

Opposite to that house is my favourite house(one of my favourites). They have a few pet dogs too. The colour paint combination of the house is good, and it has parking lots for the servants too. 

I don't know the breed of the dogs, but I like those dogs(one in particular). When I pass that house, I look at the dog, and the dog will act as if it doesn't look at me. Sometimes it gets confused about whether I am looking at the dog or at somebody behind it. lol.

I wanted to find out whether that dog observes me. I did not go near the house for a few days. After a few days I walked pass that house. And the dog was happy; it came running. lol 

Watching/observing is a time-pass activity for animals, especially for cats and dogs.