The freedom walk...

 Thursday, during my morning walk, I saw a big dog. A few streets have street dogs, and they won't allow any new dog in their area. They started to bark at the new dog. I was walking nearby, and to protect itself, the new dog walked close to me. I understood its situation, and I walked normally when it walked along with me.

And then it walked with me for another 15 minutes with so much loyalty. It reminded me of this advertisement. 

And it followed me to my home. I  did not allow it inside. I gave it a few biscuits and closed the door. It was sitting in front of the door for more than an hour. 

Though the gesture was kind and sweet, I don't like a dog following me everywhere I go. lol.

I got scared that the dog would follow me whenever I came out of my home. I was worried that day. I felt my freedom was taken away. lol.

Evening I went out and did not see that dog.

And I got my freedom back. lol.

I understood my limitations. 

You are my temple friend...

 Saying this to a person needs a few months and a consistent smile. 

The married lady whom I met at the temple usually talks a lot when there is an opportunity. The reason is simple. Sharing their problems with a stranger is easy, as they can not manipulate that information.

That day, she was saying to me that she was having so many things to handle in life. Her daughter's wedding is in April. She has to book wedding halls and book hotels for the relatives to stay. Her relatives are tough to handle. etc etc.... These are usual things to complain.

Then she said, "My sister-in-law said my dress should be less beautiful than the bride's dress. My sister-in-law is a good lady, but this comment hurt me".

And she added, " You don't have such problems."

At that time, I saw the old lady coming towards us. She was listening, and I sensed the old lady's anger and rage when she heard the sentence, "You don't have such problems"

Being a Unicorn, she has faced/facing so many problems in life.

I replied, Everybody has challenges in life. The old lady advised, "Don't say too many negative things when there is a wedding at your home. Do it happily".  Emotional control by the old lady was amazing. 

Next time, when I met the married lady, she said my husband and I fight a lot and seeing our life, my daughter doesn't want to get married. It took a lot of effort to make my daughter agree to this marriage.

I don't share my details, but I know a lot of details about the people with whom I interact. 

Yesterday, she asked my name, and we introduced ourselves, and she said You are my temple friend.

It is a strange thing. After knowing a lot of personal things about her, we introduced ourselves.

I accept her as an acquaintance. 

But a friend? Hmm, it is tough to become friends until it is proven.

ATM...

 Morning I went to the ATM to get money. People say that if you use cash for transactions, your expenses will be lower. I don't know whether that is correct.

I checked at my usual ATM. It said, "unable to dispense money," which means it is out of cash. The next person who entered the ATM asked me, " Is it working? I replied, no money in the machine. I went to the next ATM. One person was trying to get money from the ATM. Usually the process will be over in a few minutes. But he was trying for more time. Finally, he came out, and I asked him, " Is it working?". His face was confused, and he said, " Check it for yourself."  That reply was an unusual one. I was thinking, what a strange reaction! 

I tried to take money from the ATM. 1st time failed. The machine was asking questions in a different format. 2nd time, I entered the answers correctly and got money. Wow. I solved a different problem in the morning itself.

That person was not rude. He was unable to answer questions of the machine in a different style.

Sometimes in our life, instead of forming an opinion, we have to give time for it to unfold. Maybe our whole perception will change.

The reply the person gave was the correct one.

Lily...

 I don't get angry easily. If anybody repeats the same harmful action, then they will face the consequences nowadays. I got angry seeing my family's budding narcissist. If I did not tell them it is wrong, this kind of narcissism would grow.

And I said, if anybody disrespects me, you will be punished. I won't forget anything, and I will take revenge. Beware, my punishments will be cruel, and I won't feel bad about it.

I planted a few plants in my garden. These plants will remind me of the decision I announced today. Lily is one of them.

It is a relief... 

Marriage or business deal - part 2

 The couple got married, renewing their marriage vows in a Christian ceremony. And the people went mad. Did they change their religion? was the hot topic recently.

I think they are going to costar soon. 

It is not that they have changed their religion or gone mad.

It is publicity combined with personal benefit,

It is to give their fans a theja vu.

They expect they will come another round in the film industry with this publicity.

Jingxing...

 When people do important good things in their lives, they won't say it to all, as it will bring bad luck to them. Last week I saw the married lady in the temple. She was lighting the lamps. And she shared the good news about her daughter. Her daughter got engaged a few days ago, and she is happy, as the alliance was as per their expectations. Everybody gets certain opportunities at certain ages. In one's twenties, getting good alliances is normal. And I asked her, Why were you so worried about your daughter's marriage? And she replied, life partner is everything in life. Her life will be spoiled if she does not get a good life partner. And she added, God here is very powerful. I lit the lamp for 6 weeks, and marriage got fixed. I am sharing this to Lord Muruga's devotees only. Others will envy and will bring bad luck. You should know God is there and he can create miracles".

For me, it is a normal thing to get married at the right age. Everybody gets opportunities(Except Unicorn's as they are already sacrificed for their family).

God has limitations. He can not give everything to everybody. He can give opportunities when we learn certain lessons in life. Like an upgrade or a downgrade.

And I am not naive enough to believe a person's married life will be happy till the end just because the start is good. 

How couples face society's pressure, peers' expectations, family, and how they face their hormones changes as a couple decides it.

A marriage is successful when the couple get old together. 

When I meet my cousins I can see the changes. At the marriage, after 10 years of marriage and now - there is huge difference and I don't see anybody getting old together. And I know they envy me. lol

When anybody says about marriage, I think, these people are in 2nd stage talking about it to a person who is in 1st stage. Anyhow I wonder why I am not in the Jingxing group...

Note : Picture and the description is not related. 😊

A conversation without a mask...

 With some people, I sometimes have a conversation without wearing a mask. Most of the time, I don't say the raw truth. The raw truth hurts and is tough to understand.

My mom was curious about my neighbour behaving differently and asked me, do you know the reason why they are acting differently? Are they preparing for 2nd marriage? Maybe they have finalized the alliance?! 

I told her it is not that easy. Since her curiosity was increasing, I decided to tell her the truth. I listed the facts. I said the parents and the daughter are having toxic codependency. Parents need her as the daughter can help them go out, driving the car. They don't have to pay her the salary of a driver. The daughter needs her parents, as she uses their money to show off. Both of them can not survive without each other. And they won't allow anybody else in between them. If the daughter gets any alliance mother narcissist will spoil it. Mother narcissist will say the alliance is bad and the world is cruel.

My mom was not convinced. She said a mother won't behave like that.

And I explained that a narcissistic parent will treat their kid differently. When the kid is young, they treat the kid like an adult. When the kid grows up, they treat them like a kid. Now the mother is treating her daughter as a kid. She is encouraging the activities of a kid. That is why she allowed and encouraged her daughter to study at this age.

So there is no chance of her daughter getting married. But when a person learns a life lesson, the Universe grant people a miracle. If the daughter understands her mother's behaviour, then if a miracle happens, it is possible.

They behave as if they are rich, but they are not. When they look for an alliance, they expect that person to be a slave to them. They try to mould that person. In 20s and 30s, a male will have a few life experiences and chances are there to get attracted towards a narcissistic person. But at the mid age, a male will be having a lot of experiences and won't be ready to be a slave.

After my explanation, I thought this conversation was a raw truth, and my mom would be uncomfortable. And I said the disclaimer: all of these are applicable to a narcissistic mother only.

But still, I prefer to say that. lol

I got the courage to be disliked. 

In our culture, parents are supposed to do good for their sons and daughters. In reality, it is not. And nobody dares to talk about it.

And I don't need to say anything to a narcissistic mother. My eyes can say everything in few seconds if they dare to see it. lol

Donation...

 A few days ago, I found some money when I went out to put Rangoli.  I hesitated to take it. Then took it as if it were covered with sand; nobody could find it, and it would be wasted. The person who lost or dropped when going to the shop won't know where they lost it.

Task assigned - I got a task

I have to decide what to do with the money. I checked the currency and made sure it was good currency. I put it in my purse and took it with me when I went out

Heart knows 

If I see anybody who is in need of money and if my heart says to give it to them, I will give it to them. I decided that and I did not found anybody.

Wait for the instructions

Sometimes life gives surprising tasks. There will be a lesson with it. I need to wait patiently, and I waited.

At that time I know, it is tough to find a right person to give the money.

Kumbabishekam (also known as Samprokshanam) 

And I saw the information about Kumbabishekam in the temple that I go to daily on my morning walk. Most of the donations will be given on Kumbabishekam day. And I donated the money I found that day to the temple.

A messenger

I am just a messenger in this donation. When donating, I need to give some information about myself. And the person who was collecting donation asked me, when will I come to collect the prasadham. And he noted the time. He also said the female monk in the temple will keep it separately and she will give it to me. Most people should have collected theirs in the afternoon itself.

I went in the evening. My prashadam was packed. And the monk was waiting for me. She gave me a warm welcome and gave the Prasadham.

Task completed

I said to Lord Muruga, you should have come in my dream and asked for donation; I would have given you. Why this much drama? Then I understood; it is to make me to donate with the mindset of a messenger.

You are my fan

As I am not ready to become a devotee of any God, after seeing a few sincere efforts by Lord Muruga, I accepted him as my fan. lol. And I respect my fans. Devotees expect something from God, and I like smiling at him. Expectations will take away the smile.

Lesson

It takes effort to earn money, but it takes too much effort to find the right person or cause to donate it. And I thought it is better to start giving donations as a habit now itself. One can not do it when they die if it is not a habit.

A habit

This month I donated to the temple with the mindset of a messenger, not as a person who earned that money. I am going to make it a habit.

A small incident can change life, and I started a new habit from that task.

Difference

Before midlife, when I help or donated, I thought I was helping. Now I think I am finding the right cause to donate to or help, and it is helping me. I am doing it for myself.

Fish

 I like eating fish nowadays because it has many nutritional benefits. I recently started buying it myself.  I ordered for 500 gms fish, and when they weigh it showed 400 gms and they packed it. Since I was new, I asked them,  I ordered 500 gms, and you are giving me 400 gms, why? The shopkeeper explained that they had already cleaned the fish, removed its head and tail, that is why I am giving 400 gms. I understood the logic and said okay.

Next time I visited fish shop and they gave me cleaned fish 500 gms, did not reduce 100 gms for wastage. Maybe they wanted a regular customer. Moreover, they have to sell the fish when it is fresh.

Today I bought fish for my cat too.

I said to my cat, I hunted fish for you today when I gave it to the cat. lol. My cat enjoyed the fish and went to sleep after eating.

Now my cat will think I am a hunter. 😊

Follow up...

When I found the temple on my morning walk, to create a routine, I decided to visit it for one and a half months. I have completed it and was thinking about whether to visit the temple. Only then did I start to have different experiences. I can not write it like a ghost experience. lol.

 Every God has a vehicle(!) Lord Muruga has a peacock as his vehicle. I have never seen a peacock in my house. And that day, I saw a female peacock with its 2 peachicks. I was surprised. It was walking and was there for nearly one hour. I decided to go to temple that day.

The next day, I woke up to the Peacocok's sound. Daily, I started to see it in my house. Then I decided I would visit the temple till I decide whether to visit daily or not. lol. I was unable to list pros and cons for visiting the temple, as I don't have any expectations towards it. The solution is deciding to visit till I decide. lol.

Peacock's follow-up with me is very sincere. A very strict follow-up, which I have seen for the first time in my life. That week when I visited that temple, a kid who may be 5 or 6 welcomed me. When I entered the temple, he welcomed me, saying hi and hello with a smile. Everybody was surprised, even his family members. He talked to me as if he knew me. Some kids are like that, very friendly with strangers.

I think God in that temple has become my fan, as I smile at him daily. Imagine God's life. Daily devotees will come and ask something from God. I wont ask anything and just smile. So he is doing strict follow up with me. lol. 

Today I saw the married lady in the temple. We talked for a few minutes and showed me a  Shami tree. She said if we pray to it, our wishes will be granted to us.

Oh my God, I don;t have anything to ask. Another question which I don't have answer.

May be I can pray like, I will tell you when I know what to ask. lol.

Prayers will be fulfilled for ordinary people. Unicorns have a different family structure, and what works for ordinary people won't work for them.

Part 2 of funny...

 My neighbour is very particular about not taking leave. At year-end, she takes leave for a few days. This whole week, she was at home. I was surprised, but I didn't want to know the reason. I don't like to initiate any communication.

Her mother talked to me this morning. Explained they are at home because they got a one-day holiday! Who will take a whole week's leave when they get a one-day holiday in between?! What a logical explanation? She should have kept this logical reason to herself. lol

I am having a doubt that she is on leave for a few months. She is avoiding the training she has had to take for many years and is stuck in the same designation. This can not be postponed forever. A time will come when she will take leave, which will be followed by voluntary retirement. Being a female, she can postpone the voluntary retirement.

Anyhow, I would like her to continue working, as she won't have time to concentrate on people like me. lol. So, with all my heart, I wish her luck. After all, she needs it.

Funny...

 I did not think much about my neighbour. She came to her home today. I followed my routine as if I didn't care. And I did not expect her to contact me.

So I was surprised when I saw her message. She was asking whether we go for night show at the cinema. I don't go to night shows. I love my beauty sleep. And if I plan to watch a movie at night, it will be an adventure.

I like adventure. I like to watch ghost movies, as it will give a thrilling emotion with an increase in cortisol.

But I am not ready to watch a movie along with a ghost(I mean my neighbour) lol

Liking a ghost movie is different from watching a movie with a person whom I don't like.

The black puppy...

 I was walking in the morning that day. The street was a long one. I was walking from one end to the other. And I saw 2 males were walking from the other end towards me. With them was a small puppy. It was following them and when they chased it, it did not budge.

When I was nearing them, the puppy saw me and changed direction. It started to follow me. Talked to me in its language.(Most probably, it should have said it was willing to adopt me) It got happy and looked thrilled. It run before me and waiting for me, did a dance. lol 

I was nearing that other end of the street and I have to turn to the left. There I saw that puppy's father. Small puppy ignored it and tried to follow me. That black dog did not allow it.

I continued my walk went to the temple and returned on the same path. I saw the puppy running after a bike with another big dog. lol

After that day, I did not see that puppy. It has found a home for itself I guess.

Marriage or business deal?

 I liked that actress's movies from 2000 to 2010. She had a lot of fans. She was in love with her co-star for 8 years and married him. After marriage, she did not act for nearly 10 to 15 years. She was from the North State, and she became famous in South State and married a guy from the South.

Recently, for a few years, whenever she gave an interview, she always spoke bad about South. I was surprised; I did not understand her behaviour. Recently I saw an interview made by the couple.

The actress was saying, " When I was young, I got 3 times my husband's salary; now he is getting 30 times my salary. lol. I don't understand whether a husband and wife will measure their salaries against each other like this.

Salary in Cinema is decided by how the actors are accepted by the public. And she was saying, " My fans have become his fans in those days. The movies we paired was super hit and after marriage we did not get a chance to pair again"

Then I understood one thing. Mostly in Cinema industry, rumours make the actors famous. Both of them were in the limelight by creating an image that they had been in love for 8 years. They thought it boosted their career. They should have married, thinking their fan base would increase when they married. 

The actress should have thought that when she made a re-entry into cinema after 10 years of marriage, she would get the same acceptance. She did not get that and became bitter and started to blame south state cinema industry.

Most probably, their love was based on fan calculation. But in that calculation, they forgot their fans once they reach their mid age or 40s, they won't show the same enthusiasm towards movies when they were in their 20s.

But their marriage is intact, as both the actors think, their marriage is an investment in the cinema industry.  It will remain intact as it is a business deal.

Dreams and night mares...

 Sometimes dreams are nice, and sometimes they're nightmares.  Last night I had such dreams. I guess my brain was processing old memories. Betrayals by others were the theme yesterday. lol.

One nightmare, then I got up. I again fall asleep in few mins. Then again I got a similar concept dream. This happened like 3 or 4 times. 😟

Since my brain is healthy, I remember my dreams. I review my dreams once I get up. Betraying others is a person's habit or survival tactic. I can not change others. I can gain knowledge to protect myself from such people. 

Then I thought, why would I think about others and about the things I can not control?  The only thing in control is that I can avoid self-betrayal. 🌞

Today I will learn about it. 

Walking with Umbrella...

 Only very few people noticed the fire dust yesterday.  I was one of the few to notice it, and mostly I was the one who found comfort in wearing an old, comfortable dress. Sometimes wearing an old dress gives comfort and secured feeling.

The climate is hot from the morning itself. And I saw the married lady coming to the temple with an umbrella. Looks like an evening walk is better than a morning walk, or I have to go for a walk earlier in the morning.

This weekend I am going to write about marriage and the expectations...

It is from my observations by seeing the interview by few actors...

Fire dust and ash...

 I stepped out of the house in the evening as usual. And I noted a few things. There were white color ashes. Outside my house, I saw the ashes of a paper. I was surprised. I thought may be anybody in the neighbourhood burnt something. I was irritated by that thought. Why people are this stupid?

I continued to walk. And I saw the same white-coloured ash. Suddenly I felt as if I were walking near the volcano ash. Then I recollected that there is no volcano near my place. I walked nearly one km, and there was white ash. 

I started to buy things in shops. I heard a village lady complaining that her neighbour was burning waste things, and ash came all the way to her. lol.

I enquired with a shopkeeper. And he said there was a fire in a paper mill which was nearly 10 km away. He called the fire service to find out the reason, and they have given them the reason.

It was an ordinary day for many. But for the people who worked in that paper mill, everything has changed. Their lives took a complete turn today.

But changes bring growth. It happens for us to grow.

How I am going to become a devotee...

 People become devotees when their wishes are fulfilled or when they believe their wishes will come true when God bless them with boons.

I visit the temple during my morning walk to practise a contented smile while seeing God's face. I smile at him. lol. I light a lamp in the temple once a week. So the other devotees in the temple started to think I was a devotee. 

I  say hello to the old lady and a married lady usually. The married lady told me about a powerful song to sing for God. When talking to her, I understood that her native language is different from mine, but she is trying to sing the song, which is written in my native language.

I checked the song. Wow, it is full of tongue twisters. Writing a song with a grammatical rhyme is not easy. When listening to or singing it, I found that my brain's neurons are firing.

Now my family members will think that I have become a devotee. lol.

This is how I am becoming a devotee in others' eyes.

Only God can tell whether I am a devotee or not.

Coffee at Coffee day...

Yesterday I had the urge to have coffee at Coffee Day.  I don't know whether we have a Coffee Day shop in this city. I like the ambience in Coffee shops. It will feel like life is moving slowly inside the Coffee Shop. People will be relaxed and have Coffee without hurry.

Good ambience, cool climate, coffee, and nothing to do at that moment relax the mind like anything. Have you tried it?

Peacock University...

 Peacock University's results for the 1st semester were announced last week. Those who are already studying another degree at that University got pass mark and first marks. Students who bully others or create problems in class also got pass marks. Divorced ladies got grace marks too.

lol. Very predictable pattern.

2nd semester venue has changed. It will be conducted in another college; the number of classes has been reduced to half. Most probably, classes will be conducted by other college faculty. Peacock University professors have created a good(!) name, and it is one of the major reasons for stopping online classes.

My lovely neighbour got pass marks. I dont know why she is silent. Usually she create a scene and share photos in students group when submitting record and assignment.

Once I saw a potential in friendship with her. But within few interactions, I understood she is a stupid narcissist. Then I started to see her as a practice piece. And now she is not even a practise piece. lol.

Universities should create courses for the bored mid age people. It will become a good business and lot of people will attend it.